It's happened: the narcissist is officially 'getting older.' You've been present for them, swanning around like the best person in the world, but now something's changing, and that shift in the air is the realization that they won't be around forever. They treat people like dirt, but now?
And listen, I've been waiting a long time to write this one, because when clients ask me if the narcissist ever pays for what they've done, I always say the same thing. Just wait.
Now they're starting to no longer be the untouchable charmer they've built themselves up as. After 65, the narcissist meets the Karma that's been waiting for them, and today, you find out what happens next that nobody talks about.
1 You'll notice the supply dries up
I don't know if you're aware, but a narcissist has always had a strong source of supply throughout their life. They run off the fuel of others, stealing it and using it for themselves while those people run on empty.
They will target fresh people, people they met once before, ex partners; whoever it takes. After 65, something different happens.
I had a client whose father, mid 70s, kept calling old work colleagues to meet for coffee. Nobody said yes any more. He couldn't understand why. Sound familiar?
The pool of supply starts to dry up incredibly fast, and that's because the people the narcissist knows have either started to wise up to their ways, or they've ended up already walking away. Distance is created.
The narcissist becomes confused as they don't have that audience they once did, that was so captivated by them. The social stage they once stood on is now nothing but a dusty, forgotten platform, and without that audience a narcissist won't have a clue who they are any more.
2 The body no longer wants to cooperate
Ah, the body. You and I know our bodies change over time. It may not be ideal, but we deal with it, right?
It's the joy of aging and getting older, and trust me, there will be people out there who wish they could have the opportunity to grow old, but they know they never will. For narcissists, they hit 65 and look at their whole identity in the mirror; their physical image.
It's crumbling before their eyes, and there's nothing they're able to do about it.
I had a client whose father, 68, stood in front of the bathroom mirror and cried because he didn't recognize himself. Not sad tears. Furious ones. Sound familiar?
They were once sharp, attractive, successful and in control. They see getting older as losing all of that, rather than leaning into a new era of life with older features. For them, aging is a huge crisis.
The most interesting part of this process is that this is exactly the way the narcissist has made you feel over time.
When you are no longer useful to them, they will have done all they can to make you feel as irrelevant as they're now feeling in their older age. Being on the receiving end of that is absurd to them, and they won't know how to handle it.
It just goes to show that they've no idea what emotional resilience is.
3 The narcissist gets sick: Where is everyone?
When a narcissist becomes sick, they want more attention than they usually rave or demand. In younger life, that might look like something genuine.
Someone fit and healthy falling on their knees and being unwell is a contrast to what you usually see, but as a narcissist ages, they become less loud about being sick, and they actually learn to use age as an additional weapon. I can't do the things I used to.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseMy body is failing me. You'd think someone would at least call. They play it, and they play it hard. Age for them is the added factor to their sickness, but they don't like having to rely on that because guess what? Nobody shows up!
One woman told me her father called her at 2am, sobbing about chest pains. She hung up. He'd faked it three times that month. Sound familiar to anyone?
Illness creates discomfort in the aging narcissist, as once they've asked and asked for help, or complained they don't have enough of it, they will need support. It's the one thing in life they've avoided, and now they're having to both ask and accept it.
This means a lot of control is taken away from them, and given to other people who may be professionals, or simply the odd person who is still around and willing to do something. For the other people who don't bother?
Those are the ones the narcissist burned the bridges to. Those people remember who the narcissist is, and just because they're getting older and less independent, that doesn't mean they're suddenly a good person worth saving.
Trust me, more of you than not are familiar with this judging by the amount of messages I get. Sure, you can feel bad that the narcissist who made your life hell is getting sick, but they made your life hell.
You don't owe them anything in return, and each decision to step away is incredibly personal to the individual.
4 The regret they will never fully admit
This part goes a little quietly, so I want you to pay extra attention. Some narcissists will feel their age creeping up on them. Some will feel regret about their life up until now. Others will not. Genuine accountability is possible, but for the few and far between.
Tears can be shed, and that makes for very sad viewing, especially when your own life has been put through hell by them, and you know it. Narcissists also have another problem they have to deal with, and it usually creeps in on them in the middle of the night.
I had a client whose mother, at 72, said one thing over the phone. "Nobody visits me." That was it. No apology, no reflection. Just a complaint dressed up as sadness.
This is that creeping awareness that something in their life was always missing. They reflect on past connections, and see them as nowhere close to genuine. They knew at the time they made sure nobody got too close to them.
They had so many opportunities to form close friends, fall in love and live happily ever after, and that didn't happen. Every person they were close to, left. Every person who tried, gave up in the end and walked away.
The narcissist is starting to see that there were reasons for that, but these will never be admitted or spoken aloud. Instead, it's an overwhelming feeling that eats away inside of them, and it will be like that for a long time to come.
5 The ending is as lonely as you can imagine it
I don't think this is talked about near enough, and I think if it was, people would really feel validated in their experiences with narcissists. When the end draws near, the narcissist expects people to gather; help ease them into their next life.
What really happens is a reflection on what they built throughout their life; not much at all. The people they want are nowhere to be seen. Everything expired, and the narcissist has nothing.
A client of mine once told me her mother, dying in a hospice, kept asking why her children weren't visiting. Not one of them showed up. Can you blame them?
Sure, there's a house full of stuff, and a bank perhaps filled with money, but neither of those are people to comfort the narcissist.
Nobody genuinely wants to be around for those last moments, not because it causes them pain, but because the pain that was inflicted upon them was enough to drive them away permanently. These are true consequences of actions, and the narcissist knows it.
They can't go back in time and make it right, and I don't believe they would even if they had the chance. One by one, they pushed everyone away, and did a great job of it. I call this true Karma, well overdue.
6 The mirror stops being their friend
Vanity was always their currency, wasn't it? The way they looked, the way they carried themselves, that whole polished front they leaned on to reel people in.
Then time does what time does.
The skin loosens. The hair thins, or greys, or just quits. The reflection they used to love catching in shop windows now stops them in their tracks for a completely different reason.
And the panic sets in.
I've had clients tell me their narcissistic parent spends more time in front of the mirror at 68 than a teenager going to prom. Creams, procedures, filters, ridiculous outfits meant for someone thirty years younger. Anything to slow it down.
But nothing slows it down.
The vanity that once fuelled their charm is now the thing eating them alive. Every glance in the mirror is a reminder that the tool they used to manipulate the world isn't working the way it used to.
And they can't stand it. Can you imagine, spending your whole life relying on a mask, and then watching that mask sag?
Karma has a sense of humour sometimes.
7 Their own kids? Yeah, they've had enough too
By the time a narcissistic parent hits their late sixties, their adult kids have usually done the math. All those years of walking on eggshells, being the scapegoat, being told they were too sensitive, too dramatic, too much or not enough. It adds up, doesn't it?
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsAnd here's the thing. Grown kids have their own lives now. Their own families. Their own therapists telling them it's okay to step back.
I hear it constantly from clients in their forties. "I just stopped calling. And you know what? He didn't even notice for three weeks."
The narcissist expected loyalty by default. They assumed blood meant compliance forever. But adult children are quietly done. The phone doesn't ring on birthdays. The grandkids are "too busy" for visits. The invitations dry up.
And when the narcissist tries the old lines? "After everything I did for you," or "You're going to regret this when I'm gone," they land with a thud. Nobody's biting anymore.
The kids grew up. They saw it. And they left.
