The narcissistic man will fill you with untold lies just to get you to fall for them and become trapped. We all know what someone says, and what they do are two different things, and a narcissist will make that gap huge.
I had a client say to me, "Alexander, the day I stopped flinching was the day he panicked." And that stuck with me, because that's exactly the moment things shift.
When a narcissistic man is about ready to break, you will see that there are things that add to those breaks so much, he'll never be able to come back from them. The mask will slip, and he will show you exactly what makes him uncomfortable.
Let's get into it.
1 Be aware that he wants you convenient at all times
I want you to watch what happens, what he does, when you stop being there for every call he sends out to you. When you are there for it all, you're easy.
I don't mean that in a derogatory way, I mean he doesn't have to fight for you to show up. Instead, it's like pressing a switch:
He clicks his fingers, and you come running. When you stop that, you find out everything. What if it were reversed? What if you needed him, would he show up? You're sick, will he be there?
I had one client whose partner didn't call for three days after she stopped chasing him. When he finally did, his opener was, "So you're just ignoring me now?" Classic.
You're going through some difficult family times, is he showing up? Relationships are about give and take, and sadly, if you're doing all the giving, there won't be anything there to take. When you pull back on what you give, you'll see someone who is undeniably triggered by it.
He will become distant, not knowing what to do or say first. You ask for the same back, and you're told you're 'dramatic' or 'needy.' He will tell you that he has 'too much of his own stuff going on.'
Essentially, you've got someone here who is telling you that their own life is more important than yours at all times. My comfort matters more than your pain. Yeah, that sounds about right to me.
Break him by pulling back, and watch him never be able to recover from giving far less than he's used to.
2 You have an opinion he didn't ask you for
Woah there. What do you think you're doing coming up to the narcissist with your opinion and waving it in front of him? Watch what happens when you do this, because it will be fast.
If you disagree, and want to voice that disagreement, it doesn't have to be dramatic for it to still cause a scene in their head. The fact that you even disagree at all is grounds to break them.
What you've done is hold a sign up saying, "I have my own mind and I can think for myself."
Keeping it as simple as, "I see it differently" will be seen to be a push back from you, and they will accuse you of contesting their knowledge, memory, or even stature.
The same can be said for if you make a decision about your life without running it by them again. If it were a decision that benefits you, you can bet he will try to talk you out of it.
I had a client tell me her husband once said, 'Since when do you have thoughts?' She laughed at the time. Later, she realized he was serious. Chilling, isn't it?
All the more reason to go ahead and decide what you want for yourself without conversation, so you can grow, and they can deal with it. The face, the tone; it will all change, and it will be quick. You love to argue, don't you? Here we go again.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseIt's ridiculous to even try to talk to you. No. It's ridiculous to try to control people every day of every week. You were not supposed to have your own point of view.
3 Someone else gives you a compliment… watch out
Oh, this is where narcissists will never recover! You did a great job! Thank you so much for all your help! You don't know how amazing you are! That dress is gorgeous! You're so good at baking! None of these words come from the narcissist.
A client told me her sister said, 'You look so happy today,' and her husband didn't speak to her the whole drive home. Silent treatment over a compliment. Can you imagine?
Instead, they're caught off guard as they witness someone else say something overly kind to you, and right there, he goes silent on you. He cannot believe you are receiving such kind words, when he works so hard to pull you down and make you feel awful about yourself.
If he was a genuinely loving man, he wouldn't feel threatened by anyone else giving you a compliment. Deep down, he wants you to believe that you don't have any value unless he decides you do. What kind of life is that?
This proves it was never about your worth, and only what the narcissist tried to control. Watch them fall apart as their plan crumbles before their very eyes.
4 When you take chances and start reaping the rewards of success
Good things are happening to you! You've gone from someone who doesn't really believe in themselves to someone who is saying yes, and living the outcomes of taking those chances!
I want to say congratulations, but of course, there is always a dark cloud to dampen every good moment where narcissists are present. It can take a lot for someone to break their own moulds of self-belief.
Where that never really existed, suddenly good things are happening, and you know it's because of hard work, skills and persistence that you're seeing them. A narcissist will hate that you're succeeding because that success isn't happening to them.
I had a client whose ex actually said, at her promotion dinner, "Well, I basically coached you through this one." She'd written every word of that pitch alone. Can you imagine?
They will probably want to claim responsibility for all the times you do well, and say things like, "If it weren't for me, they wouldn't have gotten this far."
Ignore them. You did well because you tried hard and believed in yourself. A narcissist won't be able to come back from seeing that smile on your face, and hearing people tell you that you earned it.
For them, their jealousy will eat them up, and it won't be a healthy envy that drives them to do well while still being happy for you, this is real green-eyed monster stuff. Keep being you, and keep pushing for more and more good things to happen to you.
Let them suffer and never recover.
5 When you don't need to ask him to help you with something
What's that? You changed the oil in the car by yourself? You put up that frame in the hall? You painted the entire kitchen perfectly? That's right, you did! You didn't need to ask the narcissist for help, and you didn't even tell them you were doing it.
I had a client tell me her ex watched her assemble a whole bookshelf and just muttered, "You'll see, one of those shelves will fall." Two years later? Still standing.
Quietly going about your day without asking them to be your shadow and fountain of knowledge is a great way to break a narcissistic man to the point where he will never recover. What, you did all that by yourself? You shrug. Sure you did.
It was no big deal, in fact, it was far easier than you thought it'd be.
The narcissist tries to say, "Are you sure you did it right?" You laugh because you know it's their way of injecting a little doubt in your mind, but you don't fall for it because you've been there too many times before.
You're strong, and there's nothing the narcissist can do about it.
6 When You Stop Flinching Around Him
There was a time you jumped when the front door slammed. A time your shoulders crept up to your ears the second you heard his car pull in. Your whole body was on alert, wasn't it? Waiting for the mood, the sigh, the comment.
And then one day, it just… stops.
He walks in, and you carry on stirring the pot. He raises his voice, and you don't rush to smooth it over. He gives you that look, the one that used to make your stomach flip, and you look right back.
Nothing.
He notices. Oh, he notices instantly. Because your flinching was his little confirmation every single day that he still had the upper hand. Every jump, every apology, every "sorry, I didn't mean to upset you," it fed him.
Take that away, and what's he left with? A man standing in his own kitchen shouting into thin air.
He can't scare you back into that shrunken version of yourself. And he knows it.
That's a break he doesn't recover from.
7 The Day You Laugh At His Threats
There's a moment, and you might not even see it coming, where he says something designed to scare you, and instead of your stomach dropping, you actually laugh.
Not a big laugh. Just a little snort. A shake of the head. Maybe a "You're kidding, right?"
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsAnd oh, does that break him.
Because his threats were the last card he had. "I'll tell everyone." "You'll regret this." "Good luck finding anyone else." He built a whole arsenal on the assumption that these lines would land, that you'd panic, that you'd fold.
And then one day, you just don't. You find it almost funny how predictable he is. Same lines, same delivery, same sad little attempt to yank you back into the fear.
Do you know what that does to him? It tells him his weapons are made of paper. Wet paper.
He can threaten all he wants now. You've heard it. You've seen the show. And laughing at it, even just internally, is one of the most powerful things you'll ever do.
