I know the surprise you will all (not) feel when I tell you that narcissists are capable of being some of the most childish, self-destructive adults you'll have ever seen. When they know their time is up, things can get a lot worse for them, and you.
And honestly? It's a sight to behold. I've had clients describe it to me as watching a grown adult throw a tantrum in slow motion. Buckle up.
To truly see how they react to their time being up you have to understand that their childishness comes from not having the control they've been used to. Here are the ways they will act up when they know they've got no time left.
1 They break something sentimental to you
No narcissist will care about the sentimentality of what you own. They'll see things around your house they're willing to break just to get a reaction from you, and of course, the more it means to you, the more reaction you're naturally going to give them.
That cup you got for your 18th from your now-deceased grandmother will fall to the floor with no problem, and shatter into tiny pieces.
I had a client whose ex 'accidentally' knocked her mother's vase off the shelf the week she'd buried her mum. He shrugged and said, "It was ugly anyway." Accident? Sure.
It will be an 'accident', and they may even try to laugh it off or look forlorn that they did this to you. Deep down, it's just a childish way to behave and try to get to you.
The narcissist knows that, yet they do it anyway because they know it will give them their daily dose of supply.
2 The make a dramatic scene in public
Ah yes, the good old scene that the narcissist knows will cause tempers to flare, or tears to fall. There will be that loud argument in the supermarket, and it proves the narcissist is more childish than you ever imagined possible.
They want a record, and that's why they do this. They want to be able to accuse you in public of something you absolutely haven't done, just so they can keep tallies of the people who saw you react even slightly unstably.
Remember, it's never about the one thousand times the narcissist yells at you, it's always the one time you retaliate.
I had a client whose ex started weeping in a coffee shop, loud enough that the barista came over. She froze. He turned to the barista and said, "See what I deal with?"
If they can capture that in public, they've got what they want. If you have ever been in one of those scenes before, let me tell you, they can crop up when you least expect it.
If the narcissist is clever enough, they'll spot someone they know and create something on the spot just for them. There's no hope for you if this happens.
The narcissist has already got you where they want you, and that's making you look the bad guy while they look to be struggling with even being with you. It's all one big set up.
3 Bridges get burned purposely
Hard to believe this is even possible, yet when a narcissist goes full on, they will drop all the childish acts they know of. It starts with calling your mother and telling her all the things you said in confidence.
Then they start forwarding messages to people you know, maybe even someone as authoritative as your boss. Their long, dramatic and heavy email to your best friend talking about made up lies as well as half truths will also fire out.
The goal here is not to keep you or make you change your mind about leaving if that's what's happening, it's to set alight to everything you know and are familiar with. It's to make your life hell while they walk away laughing.
One client of mine had her ex email her entire workplace with screenshots taken out of context. She lost the job she'd had for nine years. He didn't blink.
If I can't have her, then everyone can know everything I want to tell them. That spells real trouble. You'll see bridges being burned the moment the narcissist knows there's no real way back to you, or the way things were before.
They feel as though they've got nothing else to lose as they start proceedings to make your life total hell. Sadly, that's the way they operate, and it's incredibly childish to do it knowing the alternative would be to stay classy and walk away with dignity.
See also The Creepy Things Narcissists Do When They Are AloneClassy and dignity are not in the narcissist's vocabulary!
4 There's a sudden health crisis
Oh, it's quite funny, don't you think? Out of nowhere, the narcissist, who is usually fit and healthy, has decided to have a health emergency. Their back goes. They are being tested for something serious. They have chest pains. They think they've broken a bone. Their father has a fall.
I had a client whose narcissistic husband suddenly developed crippling chest pains the morning she announced she'd found her own apartment. Cardiologist? Clear. Convenient timing? Off the charts.
They're vomiting and can't keep any food down. This may be the day you tell them you're moving, but none of that will matter because taking center stage is the narcissist who as usual, wants to make it all about them. It's so convenient, right?
Health crises exist purely because the narcissist knows it plays into your highly empathetic nature. They know you'll want to help them, or at least pay them more attention to keep things going that little bit longer between you.
You run around trying to give them what they need, while they know deep down that they're fine. It's the ultimate insult, both to you and those who are genuinely sick.
5 They hurt the thing you quietly love
I want you to think about all the things you quietly love in your home that the narcissist can, or maybe has, hurt. For some, it might be as simple as all your houseplants that you absolutely adore.
You water and nourish them every single day, and they're the backbone of your home, bringing nature inside and adding life to it. Suddenly, they're all moved to the darkest spots in the room with no light or water, and you know it wasn't you.
I had a client whose dog started growling the second her partner walked in. She knew. Pets read the room faster than we do, don't they?
Perhaps you have a cat that has started to become terrified to be anywhere near the narcissist. They hide in the wardrobe whenever he's around, and you know animals will be the first to tell you of those warning signs. Oh, that cat's always been weird around me.
You know it's a lie, you know something has changed, and so does the cat. Don't let the narcissist gaslight you into thinking this was always the case, because you all know it wasn't.
6 They get whatever allies they can gather
The time will come where the narcissist realizes their time is up. This is where they want their plan over the course of time they've known you to come together and work. For that, they need allies.
In comes their 'friend' who has heard all about you and the trouble you cause.
One client told me her ex's mother called her, sobbing, asking why she'd 'destroyed' her son. The narcissist had been feeding her stories for months. Months!
In comes their boss, who has seen the 'stress' the narcissist has been under at work to pay the bills because you don't work. These are all lies, of course, which is why I call them all-lies instead of allies!
For the panicked narcissist, all they want is for you to be punished for their time being up. It's all because of you, and so you must pay with a smear campaign carefully curated by the one person who is making your life the hell it is.
7 They accuse you of being childish
Perfect. Just when you think life couldn't get any worse, you've been accused of being a child.
You know full well that you aren't, but you're arguing with someone who just doesn't want to look or be wrong, and so the easy thing for them to do is project their childishness onto you. Their time is up, and that's the fact.
The problem then becomes that you have seen it, and maybe you've been responsible for getting them to the place where they feel cornered and unable to talk their way out of it. Classically, it then becomes about you. You're:
Immature. Annoying.
I had a client whose ex screamed, "You're acting like a five year old!" while slamming doors and throwing a remote across the room. The irony was completely lost on him. Wasn't it?
Frustrating. Childish. Bratty. Selfish. Petulant. It will all come out, and that's where you will notice the narcissist trying to press self-destruct on your reputation. Will it work? That's for you to decide.
8 They Suddenly Want to 'Talk' (Good Luck With That)
Out of nowhere, the phone lights up.
"Can we just talk? Like adults?"
Oh now you want to talk? After months, maybe years of you being shut down every time you tried to open your mouth? Suddenly they're all about communication. Suddenly they're a TED talk on healthy dialogue.
Here's the thing. They don't want to talk. They want to perform. They want a captive audience so they can spin, twist, guilt, and reel you back in. The "talk" is a trap with nice wrapping paper on it.
And if you do agree to it? Watch what happens. Within ten minutes you're somehow apologizing for things you didn't do. You're defending yourself over a comment you made six months ago that they've kept in a little file marked "use later."
You walk away thinking, "Wait, what just happened? I came here to set a boundary."
Yeah. That's the whole point.
A real conversation doesn't require you to leave it feeling smaller than when you walked in. Remember that.
9 The Fake Apology That Isn't One
Oh, here it comes. The apology that sounds suspiciously like an attack with a bow on it.
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
"I'm sorry IF I hurt you."
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House"I'm sorry, but you have to understand, you pushed me to it."
Did you catch it? Not one of those is an actual apology. Not a single one. They're little dressed up jabs, designed to look like accountability while putting the blame straight back onto you.
A real apology sounds like, "I did this. It was wrong. I'm sorry." Simple. Clean. No conditions, no buts, no "if."
But the narcissist can't do that. Saying a clean sorry would mean admitting they were wrong, and admitting they were wrong would crack the whole carefully built image they've spent years polishing.
So instead, you get the performance. The watery eyes, the heavy sigh, the "I've been doing a lot of thinking…" and then somehow, three sentences in, you're the one apologizing.
How does that even happen? Honestly. Don't fall for it.
