Whenever I read about ways to beat a narcissist, I always think it sounds much the same.
Do this, don't do that, watch your world magically get better. Sounds lovely, but I want to be realistic with you…
…Those things totally miss the point. It's not about being the way they are, or causing yourself more pain.
It's about finding true freedom from their abuse. Long term, it's the only thing that will work.
What do I mean by that? Well, you've come to the right place for honest answers.
#1 The advice of a lifetime
Advice needs to be direct, and alongside that, it needs to be helpful.
The helpful aspect of truly beating a narcissist is that you only have to do it once, and as soon as you learn how to beat them, you can carry it with you.
Think of it as your very own narcissist radar. Soon enough before you even have to deal with them, you can beat them by default.
#2 The narcissist has been learning since childhood
Narcissists love an argument, and that's where we are going to really begin.
Ever since childhood, they've been building their very own argument style.
They learned to figure out how to debate, and absorbed the ability to twist words. Eventually, those words they could twist became your words.
Where does that lead? It leads to gaslighting. Convincing you that your reality isn't real and that you're going crazy.
And when it comes to real arguments, the narcissist is in it for the long haul.
They will outlast you all the time, in fact, the more exhausted you get, the stronger they become.
Arguing with them is futile, and a narcissist will use DARVO (Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender) against you.
In other words, you will look like the aggressive one who loves an argument, while they pretend to be the victim.
#3 Arguments were designed for them, and them only, to win
It's a fact that arguments were only designed for them to suck all your sanity, so how could you possibly win?
This is where the narcissist loves to play the most, so you will never be more familiar with conflict than them.
Seeing as you will lose energy, you have to realize that the only way to beat the narcissist is to truly disengage.
The breakthrough you want will never come, so there really is no other option here.
#4 Your apology will never come
The admission you want. The hope you're hoping will amount to something, but never does.
The lies you hope they will hold themselves accountable for…
…The narcissist isn't capable of any of it. If they were, they wouldn't be as toxic as they are because you would have a decent layer of communication between you.
The entire character of a narcissist is built on the reality that they are never wrong, and if you wait for them to understand that they can be, you're literally falling into their trap.
You continue to orbit their ego, but this is a grip you don't want them to have over you, as you will never be able to live on your own terms.
You want to heal from this constant hot and cold, back and forth.
But you cannot all the while you wait for them to say sorry for all the drama.
They aren't sorry. If they were, why would the drama continue?
#5 Making it alone, but not lonely
Here's the real move you can make:
Stop requiring them to be involved in your healing.
As soon as you stop waiting for them to show remorse, you can truly beat the narcissist by admitting honestly that you don't need them.
You think you do, but that's the trauma bond they created with you when you first met. The idea that there's nobody quite like them? Ask yourself this:
What is so special about them?
On a day to day basis, they make your life hell. You can make it alone and feel less lonely than when you're with them, you just need to start believing it.
#6 Becoming untouchable
To be free. To heal. You see and think clearly. To start respecting yourself all over again and this time never stop. What does your next chapter look like?
I will tell you that none of the above needs that person in your life who has made it feel as though you've been stuck in this emotional purgatory that you feel you can't escape.
I assure you, you can. Because the moment you stop needing them to be part of your life, they lose their power immediately. Your peace does not rest in their toxic hands.
#7 How it serves to truly beat the narcissist
You firstly need to become a person that is unreadable to them.
You used to be predictable, but now you start to change. You stop reacting.
Those buttons the narcissist used to press are no longer in working order, and so they don't see you cry.
Slowly, and with consistent intent, you shift your entire persona, until they no longer recognize you at all.
That's when you start to see the narcissist mocking you, or insulting you, and you meet them with a blank face.
Your silence means their world starts to crumble. They realize they aren't powerful, and that you are taking it back in a long and overdue manner.
Not being able to read you means there's nothing to play games with.
Doesn't that sound like a dream for you?
#8 Your healing equals your priority
Don't you want to make yourself a priority?
Don't you want your say to be yours, instead of being hijacked by the narcissist?
It all starts with where the arguments start. They're only arguments because two people are involved. Without your input, the narcissist is nothing.
You don't decide to truly beat a narcissist, you decide to practice.
Being patient means building yourself back up to the point where you can do anything, and for some victims who have been left totally broken by the evil actions of a narcissist, that takes time.
An apology will never come, and that's the take home message for you right now.
As you live in hope, the narcissist is living for the next time they can hurt you and get a reaction from you.
It's what keeps them going, and what keeps you from living a full and happy life.
So, stop waiting. Stop searching for your happy ending with somebody who is insistent on making it sad. This doesn't have to be where you live your life.
To truly beat a narcissist, you can overcome their antics and learn that your reactions feed them.
The key? To starve. Starve their supply, and keep it for yourself, and when you get to hold onto what is fundamentally yours, you will soon discover that your own power lies within.
So, don't get mad, don't get even. Don't yell or scream, or get revenge.
Get yourself to a place where they don't affect you, and where you disengage.
