This is one of those times you might feel that ounce of satisfaction running through your veins, and I wouldn't blame you.
All that time the narcissist has made your life hell, and now they've lost you, they're realizing exactly the kind of person they let go of.
And don't get me wrong, they shouldn't have held onto you while still being toxic…
…They should have treated you better. With these 5 things narcissists realize too late after losing you, it's their mistake to live with, and your opportunity to heal.
#1 You came with calm waters
There was never anything dramatic about you, which is why the narcissist wanted to draw you in in the first place.
You see, they have this great habit of finding just the right kind of person who fits the criteria for a great source of supply.
You have to be kind and forgiving, you have to be a people-pleaser, and you have to come with calm waters.
What I mean by that is; you have to be somebody who is well centered.
Only then do you have this potential in the narcissist's eyes to be knocked right off that center.
If you were already volatile by nature, you wouldn't really be much use to the narcissist, because they'd already know you'd cause more problems than they'd be comfortable with.
Your calmness helps their crises, every single time. You're the level-headed one they need when they have a bad day, so they can either derail your regulations, or use them for their own good.
Losing you means they don't have you around any more, and everything you come with.
Part of your character being this calm allows them to control you and push you to your limits.
They love to see how much you'll tolerate before you blow your fuse, and the calmer you are, the more they get to push.
Without you, there's nobody to do that with.
#2 You gave them the attention nobody else does
It hurts the narcissist to admit it, but you did give them more attention than anybody else does.
They miss that when you leave, but by the time you do leave, it's too late to get it back.
As you walk away, you take that part of you with you. For you, that might be a relief.
You're done dishing out all the attention to them while you give yourself nothing.
For the narcissist… It's a lonely time. There's nobody to perform to.
In these instances, attention can look like:
Tears in response to their cruelty (Yes, it's still attention) Asking them if they're okay when they purposely ignore you or give you the silent treatment.
Listening to them moan or complain about work, friends, family, life, money: whatever!
Telling them that you love them, even if they aren't particularly comfortable hearing it, they still love the idea Intimacy.
Any kind, but the more shallow, the better Spoiling them on important days, even if they never showed true appreciation, they still loved you not forgetting
You're gone, and so is all of the above, and so much more. How will they cope? Luckily, that's not your problem to fix.
Losing you came at this price, and you cannot afford to keep your receipt and get a refund.
#3 The problem was never you
It's a little tiny voice the narcissist will hear once you've gone, and trust me, they really wish they couldn't hear it.
Realizing that the problem was never you comes when they move on, and find another person.
Those same issues rise up through their treatment of anybody new, and eventually, over time, the narcissist will admit that the problem wasn't you.
How could it be if you aren't even around any more?
In truth, patterns don't lie, and this is the kind of pattern the narcissist will spot.
All those times they accused you of being too needy, too clingy, too drab, too boring, or not enough?
They bring that back into their lives as they take their same old, worn out dynamics into their next relationship.
You're long gone, but the problems aren't.
That only leaves one explanation: the problem is how they handle life and connections.
By the time they've lost you, they will come to know this. Will they admit to feeling any of it? Heck no! They've way too much ego to ever appear non-perfect.
That doesn't mean it doesn't eat them up at night when nobody else is around.
They lost you, and there's no getting you back.
#4 You were more than a person, you were a place to call home
When you came into the narcissist's life, you brought with you a kind of spark and light that they would have hated.
Their envy would've tried to diminish it, but that doesn't mean they wouldn't have secretly found it appealing, or even cozy.
You loved your home, and tried to make it feel like a place of sanctuary. You went all out in the Holidays, you lit the candles, you home-cooked all the meals.
You always made sure your home was the perfect place to live, where everybody felt comfortable and wanted; like they really had a place.
This went beyond who you were as a person, it became everything you stood for.
Home life was a priority to you because it brought people together, and in this world, that is a good thing.
Without you fluffing the pillows and keeping fresh flowers on the breakfast table, the narcissist's life has emptied somewhat.
You left, and now they know they haven't just lost you, they've also lost everything you stood for.
A narcissist will hate to admit it, but they do love that aspect of home. It's almost as if they can brag about it, even though they played no part in making it the therapeutic retreat it was.
Without you there, they now have to keep that up because it was aesthetically pleasing to visitors.
Which of course, reflected on them positively! Do you see how there's always a motive of some kind?!
#5 Nothing and nobody will make them feel enough again
You gave it your all, even when it felt as though you had nothing to give.
Your relationship with the narcissist was hard work, but you made sure you kept it alive as much as you could.
You felt a certain responsibility when it ended, like you should or could have done more.
You didn't need to do anything.
You left because you'd had enough, and enough was exactly how you made the narcissist feel.
All those tears shed, all that pain you laid out before them were signs that you loved them and would do anything to make it work.
Now you're not there to show that, the narcissist feels that abandonment, and doesn't feel enough without you.
They'd never admit that, but of course, that's who they are through and through.
Nothing and nobody will come close again, and it's only after you're gone that really sinks in for them.
I wouldn't lose too much sleep over that though!
