You get a strange feeling when you know the narcissist has disappeared off into a physical world of their own, and up until now, you've never wanted to explore why they do it.
All I can tell you here is that a narcissist alone is not the same as a narcissist in the company of others.
A client said to me last month, "I always knew when he was about to vanish into his room. The whole house went cold." That feeling? It's not nothing.
They're contrasting characters who need their own topic, and that's where I come in today. Narcissists love to do these strange things while they're alone, and in telling you, there's hope that you no longer have to have that strange feeling, because you'll know.
1 Practise conversations aloud
A conversation is a two way practice, right? It's where one person speaks, and the other listens, then they reverse those roles to create something that involves listening as much as it does talking. I think that's why narcissists love to practice conversations by themselves out loud.
It's strange, but it's a way for them to really both say what they want, and respond how they want. With just them there, they get to dictate the entire narrative, and the eventual outcome of whatever it is they're talking with themselves about.
The strangeness behind this thing doesn't come from talking to yourself, I mean, I think we're all pretty guilty of that, don't you?
And the wildest part? You can sometimes hear them laughing at their own jokes mid rehearsal, like they're cracking themselves up at lines they haven't even delivered yet. Imagine that.
It's what comes from it, whether it's in the mirror, or if they're merely pacing the bedroom floor back and forth, muttering and agreeing or disagreeing. They practice what they're going to say to the sister they hate that they have to see on the weekend.
They're rehearsing their grand entrance to the work party next week. They deliver, with full vigor, as if they were there in that moment for real.
I don't know many people who can get into the role like that without being there, but a narcissist likes to be perfect; they like to be ready.
If you happen to pass the room the narcissist is in while they are in full rehearsal mode, I want you to know that this is strange, yet typical of a narcissist. They love to prepare, and love to perform, even when nobody else is around.
2 Endlessly scroll through old messages
These aren't necessarily going to be yours, but I will reiterate that yes, a narcissist loves to scroll through their old texts, emails and really see the kinds of relationships and connections they used to have.
These messages can go back months, even years to a point where you may not even have been in the picture. People they used to date, old friends or coworkers; anything that he can feed from.
These messages will often hold compliments or nice things about the narcissist, and they're looking for ways to claw back that feeling all over again.
So, while you're thinking you're sitting next to somebody you know well, you're actually sitting next to someone who is reverting to the past for a hit of supply.
That's not to say you're not enough, it's more about the narcissist's obsession with feeling good all the time, and using external validation as a way to get it.
One client of mine caught her ex re-reading a thread from 2018. An ex-girlfriend gushing over him on his birthday. He was reading it like a bedtime story. Creepy, right?
Healthy? Not in the slightest! But these messages are kept for that very purpose, and you have no idea how far they all go back. In fact, you have no idea that they even exist!
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseThey don't look for closure in the texts, they simply look for a way to keep their ego alive without having to physically chase it from people they're with now. They don't seem needy to you, but behind it all, they absolutely are.
3 Film themselves
Out of all of the strange things I'm listing, I'd say this is the one that disturbs people the most when I talk about it. Narcissists sit in front of their phone cameras and record themselves.
Frame by frame, they want to go back and analyze how they talk, how their face sits, how they smile, even how they pronounce some words. I got a message once from somebody who is a fan of these posts, and she said:
I found a folder on his laptop that had over fifty videos of him just talking to himself, pretending he was some kind of huge influencer.
And the scary part? They study those clips like game tape. Tweaking a head tilt here, softening a laugh there. By the time you meet them, every gesture is rehearsed.
To this day, I have never found any evidence that they've been posted online, so I assume he did them for his own viewing. He did, they all do. It's so they can continue to make sure their face matches their image.
They need to be convincing, and the only way to do that, like with all performers, is to perfect and rehearse their character.
For us normal people, it seems wild to even have the audacity to set a camera up and act as though you're the best, most confident and interesting person in the world by spamming a load of content meant for nobody else, yet it's a common thing narcissists do, and only when they're alone.
4 Watching the same clip on repeat
Clips can mean absolutely anything you want them to mean; with a narcissist there are no limits and nothing they wouldn't obsess over. When I say clips, I can mean a reel featuring somebody humiliating somebody else, or a boss firing their employee.
I've even heard stories of narcissists watching clips of teachers yelling or embarrassing their students in class. This isn't a clip that's just watched once.
A client once told me she walked in on her ex rewatching a clip of a woman crying in a meeting. He didn't even look up. Just kept laughing. Chilling, right?
It's a clip a narcissist will watch over and over and over, laughing and getting the same kick out of it the hundredth time as they did the first.
Smirking, they can pause the video at the exact moment the other person feels the pain or goes red in the face. It's real, and it happens, and all narcissists will do it when they're alone to get a kick out of watching someone else execute the perfect power play.
If anything, these strange videos act as inspiration to them.
5 So, what do all these points have in common?
When you look at all these strange things, what is the one thing that sticks out as being missing? What do you notice doesn't happen in all? Rest!
Stillness terrifies them, doesn't it? Because the moment they sit with themselves, they have to actually meet themselves, and that's the one person they cannot stand being around.
A narcissist doesn't know the meaning of the word, and when they're alone, the last thing you'll be catching them doing is just sitting and being. Reading a book or enjoying the time.
Each one of these strange things acts as a hobby for them, not that they'll ever admit that's the case!
6 Where do you fit into all of this?
The narcissist that you live with never gives themselves the day off.
There's always some kind of duty they're showing up for in their minds, and when you get home from work, this is part of the reason you're not greeted with a kind, caring soul who has been waiting for you.
A client said to me once, "I used to apologize for walking through my own front door." Can you imagine? Tiptoeing in your own home so you don't disturb their weirdness.
It's as if you've interrupted their time to be strange, and do the strange things. This is who they are when they're not with anyone, and the worst part of it all is that they like that about themselves. After all, it all serves as the perfect distraction.
7 Staring in the Mirror Like It's a Full Time Job
Honestly? If you've ever caught a narcissist mid mirror moment, you'll know what I mean. It's not a quick glance to check their teeth. It's a whole event.
They'll stand there, tilt the chin, find the angle, do the little smile, drop it, do it again. Practice the serious face. The charming face. The "concerned" face they pull out when they want you to think they care.
I had a client tell me once, "I walked past the bathroom and he was just… posing. For nobody." And I said, oh, he was posing for himself. That's the whole point.
Because the mirror doesn't talk back. The mirror doesn't roll its eyes or remind them what they said last Tuesday. The mirror just reflects. And for a narcissist, that's the safest audience in the world.
It looks like vanity. It's actually rehearsal. They're building the character they're going to perform on you later, and the mirror is where they workshop it.
Weird, right?
8 Rehearsing the Apology They'll Never Give You
You think they're not thinking about you when they're alone? Think again.
Picture this. They're sat there, maybe in the car, maybe in bed staring at the ceiling, running through what they could say to you. The words. The tone. The little pause they'd add for effect. They're rehearsing an apology like an actor learning lines.
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsBut here's the kicker. You'll never hear it.
Because saying sorry, like actually meaning it, would mean admitting they were wrong. And we know how they feel about that, don't we?
So they keep it locked away. They polish it, edit it, maybe even cry a little while imagining the scene where you forgive them and everything goes back to how it was. In their head, they're the hero of that moment.
I've had clients say to me, "I just wanted to hear him say sorry once." And I get it. I really do. But that apology was always going to live and die in their own head.
You were never going to get it.
