Have you ever wished somebody out there would just have your back and validate all the reasons why you feel so dead inside from all that time with him?
You were so full of life before you met, and now it's as if all spark and joy has been stolen from you.
You can't think why, but you're beginning to see that it has something to do with that man, that narcissistic waste of space.
There are five ways he totally kills a woman's softness. Right now is your moment to learn how.
#1 Your joy is always punished
When a narcissist learns you inside and out, and trust me they will, they'll know exactly what makes you happy as much as what makes you sad.
Those initial stages of getting to know you are all about that, and as much as you think they're paying a genuine interest in you, they aren't.
It's all to store in their memory and refer to at a later date when needed.
Initial encounters with victims leave narcissists scanning every part of their character, and it's the joy, your joy, that leads them to know you're the perfect next source of supply for them.
Soon enough, the very thing that attracted them to you (for all the wrong reasons) is what they use against you.
Why are you always so happy? What is there to smile about? You spend way too much time with your head up in the clouds. You need to start taking life more seriously. Calm down, my God. Act your age, and not your shoe size.
Punishments aren't always words, either. Sometimes it can be that your good mood and sunny disposition is met with their purposeful stoney silence.
You've nobody to bounce off, and you try to get them to crack a smile, but that's when they double down and ignore you totally.
You're treated like a pain in the ass, and small parts of your softness disappear that little bit more.
#2 When you are open, they store it as ammunition
Two things happen simultaneously when you start opening up to a narcissist.
The first is that you feel you've met somebody who is a good listener; somebody who wants to actively take in things about you in the hope it will draw your connection deeper.
You feel happy that they seem so interested, and so you become more and more open.
The second, and the actual reality of it all, is that the narcissist isn't bothered by any connection.
In fact, all they care about is the information you're giving them, because each word acts like an emotional bullet they will use against you at a later date.
Just when you think you're becoming closer and more in love and understanding of each other, the narcissist is laughing to themselves, knowing all your vulnerabilities are right within grasp.
They can trigger you. They can invoke fear. They can now project them onto you.
For those who see openness as a way to be soft and gentle, there's nothing wrong in your way of thinking.
It is an opportunity to really get to know somebody and make you feel trusting of the person you're telling it all to.
This is not the case here, so if you are ready to know the truth, it's that your softness is being stolen and replaced long term by a harder version of yourself that you won't want to be.
#3 You are programmed to say sorry just for having feelings
You have a bad day. You feel unwell. You're stressed. You are frustrated.
Suddenly, your feelings are highlighted, yet again, as a problem.
The narcissist is concerned that you are letting too many things get to you and that you're reacting in a way they don't approve of.
It's okay though, right? I mean, the narcissist gets to have all the feelings in the world and take their moods out on you every single day, but the moment you feel something, it's back to feeling guilty and ashamed for it.
Then what? You have to say you're sorry, even though the narcissist doesn't know the meaning of the word, let alone actually uses it in a sentence and within context.
Emotions are all valid, every single one of them. If you're being robbed of certain ones, you're being robbed of a certain softness that you should be allowed to celebrate.
This is where so many victims of narcissistic abuse just start to squash down their feelings and pretend they don't exist.
They deny not only getting to feel them, but also denying accepting them, too.
It's no way to live, yet it's exactly where many victims find themselves, and more frequently than you could imagine.
#4 He manages to make your body a constant problem
Are you going to eat all of that? Another snack? I really feel like the next size up would suit you more.
Your body seems to be a constant issue for him. Why is he making you feel so ugly and worthless all the time? Nothing you do is right.
You end up going from confident clothes to baggy, dark clothes that you disappear into.
That's not done on purpose; it's done to make you feel and act less seen because you were taking up too much brightness in the world.
It's a brightness he can't ever reach, and so he brings you down with him, and you tumble to the ground from your previous, colorful platform.
It's how so many relationships go, and it proves that your softness was the biggest threat to him. If he can harden you up, it's him who benefits, not you.
#5 Your softness is rewritten by them
I think I have saved the cruelest way for last, and there's a reason for that.
I want you to explore what this potentially means for you, because this is about reflecting on how the behavior of somebody else has made you feel.
Your softness. It was never the issue. Emotions you felt, the times you were told you were too sensitive, or too needy.
You're told you were too quick to love them, or that you're just too open.
You trust way more than you should. If you aren't told these things, you're made to feel them.
Without further ado, you make a promise to yourself:
From now on, I will focus on being harder. I will protect myself and take no trash from anybody.
I need to be colder and less forgiving, and I definitely need to work on how forthcoming I am. I will become somebody who nobody can hurt.
I ask you at this point to wait.
This is exactly what the narcissist wanted. It was never about the relationship itself, or any kind of love.
It was about reprogramming you and making you feel a different person when he left you to the person you were when you met.
In truth, it was the narcissist who was cold and unforgiving. Because he couldn't find a way to soften his character, he wanted to make you the same.
