A narcissist bothers me the way they do because they always seem to get away with everything. For them, life is good, and they're high up with a smug look on their faces.
I had a client say to me last month, "Alexander, I finally stopped flinching." And I knew right then, that narcissist was in serious trouble. They just didn't know it yet.
Enter the empath. As soon as these people are pushed too far, that narcissist will topple from a great height, and I want to get into that today.
If you know a narcissist who deserves being taken down a peg or two, you might want to tune in and learn a thing or two about the power of a true empath.
1 The danger comes from the empath?
I know. Empaths don't want to ignite any danger; they aren't the sort of people to want trouble, but hear me out on this one. Empaths are, I would say, the most patient people you'll ever cross paths with.
They give everything they have, and absorb even more so in return. They're forgiving, but sometimes to their own detriment. When they could've walked away on day one, they chose to stay and hope for better times.
I had a client sit across from me and say, 'I gave him ten years, and one Sunday morning I just knew.' She left that afternoon. Never looked back.
My God, you are so sensitive. I was kidding, why do you always have to take it so strangely? You know, you seem to be the only person who has issues with me. The empath will sit with these comments, and turn them over and over in their minds.
"Maybe," they think, "Just maybe, the narcissist is right."
The interesting part about people who feel so deeply is that when they're done, you aren't ever going to see them again. They reach that limit, and you will be eating their dust for the next week.
The supply tank they've been filling for the narcissist is no longer in operation; the empath quits.
2 The narcissist is clueless to what's just happened
Wait, you mean to say my usual tricks didn't work? How is this so? I don't understand!
It's satisfying to say the least, but it's the empath who was driven so far that they're now calmer than they've ever been, and ready to walk away with that quiet aura that's celebrated by them.
As usual, the narcissist is so far up their own ego that they don't even register that shift right away. They assume everything is normal and that there are no issues, except maybe the empath (you) is a little quieter than normal.
The pushing does ramp up here, as the narcissist tries to goad you into reacting a little more strongly. This time, they know they will invoke those responses they're used to. Tears.
I had a client whose ex actually said, "You're scaring me with this silence." Scaring them? With silence? The audacity almost knocked her off her chair, honestly.
Yelling. Apologies. "Let me just fix this."
None of that happens, and it becomes a real head scratcher. What do I need to do? They're annoyed now, and the guilt trips start:
Why are you being so cold? Are you punishing me? Are you trying to make me feel as though I've done something wrong? I don't even know who you are right now.
This should sound familiar to you, because it's common narcissistic practice to try to get the victim to say things that will be the supply they're looking for. What they really mean is:
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseWhy won't you let me do this to you any more?
3 The supply switch: OFF!
Narcissists love your emotional reactions, and will run on them like your car runs on fuel. They love it so much because they can't really make anything good of their lives themselves. For them, joy is impossible to feel unless it's being stolen from someone else. You as the empath?
Your pain, the guilt you feel, the confusion you experience, and all your love has been powering them up all this time. Ever since they've known you, they have watched you, and taken those parts of you they can't produce themselves. When it's time to disengage, something happens.
The fuel line you've been filling and sending the narcissist's way comes to an end. It closes down, after all, it can't stay open with nothing in it, right? For the narcissist, they start rattling around, wondering how to make it right.
I had a client message me last year saying, "He sent me a paragraph about his childhood at 2am." She laughed. She'd heard that same paragraph three years earlier. Word for word.
They will love-bomb you because they think it will work. The first step is usually them being vulnerable. I've been thinking a lot about us. Some out there may fall for this and believe the narcissist, but in doing so, you're falling back into that trap.
Because empaths have so much experience with narcissists, they've seen all this before. They almost laugh that it's happening again, as it acts like a script being regurgitated. Treat it all as noise, because essentially that's all it really is.
When you switch the supply switch off, you're telling the narcissist you're not going to be there any more just to please them. You're not going to sacrifice your energy just to fuel something they're unable to fuel themselves.
It's hard, but when an empath is pushed so far like this, there isn't really any other choice but to start putting yourself first and start harvesting your own joy for yourself. That is long overdue.
4 It destroys the narcissist because…
There's losing a regular person, then there's losing an empath. The two aren't the same to the narcissist. You've got to remember that empaths stick around so much longer than everyone else because they want to see the good in the narcissist.
They've seen the narcissist at their ugliest, and still want to see if there's anything to salvage from the relationship. Empaths carry the relationship on their back, as if it's their responsibility to fix when it becomes broken. They showed up every single day.
When the empath leaves, the narcissist loses that one person who genuinely tried to do everything they could. Deep down, under their thick layer of arrogance and ego, they know it. They know the truth, and they see it, but they won't want to admit that.
I had a client whose ex kept calling her, saying, "Nobody else puts up with me like you did." That's the closest a narcissist gets to admitting the truth, isn't it?
Nobody is going to love them the way the empath did. Nobody will try that hard again. In fact, the narcissist will be lucky if anyone else sticks around for a fraction of that time. That's the kind of truth that will follow the narcissist wherever they go.
They lost a good thing. They lost a great person with so much patience. Now what? Pushing them too far will do that.
It'd have been far easier to have been kind and nice from the start, but we all know we're asking the impossible of a narcissist there, aren't we?
5 As for the empath…
The empath gets to get their life back. Yes, it might take some time, but there's a lot of grief to go through first. And it's real grief, too. Just because someone didn't die, doesn't mean there's nothing to be sad about.
A relationship ended, and that's hard enough for the narcissist to deal with, as they hate being abandoned.
I had a client say to me, months after leaving, 'I forgot I even liked music.' That's what the narcissist takes from you. Little pieces you didn't notice were missing.
An empath loves genuinely. They're in it for the long haul, but once they're out, they are fully out. They will rebuild their life over time, and find people to be around who make them feel safe.
They get to find the version of themselves they were always meant to be without the narcissist. It's not a sad ending for the empath; it's the right one.
6 The quiet decision the empath makes (and never announces)
There's a moment. You won't catch it on camera, and the empath won't post about it or tell their best friend over coffee. It just happens, quietly, usually somewhere very ordinary. The kitchen. The car. Halfway through brushing their teeth.
And the decision? "I'm done."
That's it. No big speech. No dramatic showdown. No warning shot for the narcissist to catch and prepare for.
I've had clients describe it to me almost the exact same way. "Alexander, I didn't even cry. I just knew." Something clicks into place, and it stays clicked.
And here's why it matters. The narcissist has spent years reading the empath's tells. The sighs, the tears, the pleading. They know that script backwards. But this? This has no script. There's nothing to read.
The empath goes quiet, keeps showing up, keeps doing the dishes, but inside they've already left. And the narcissist can sense something is off, but they can't name it.
That not knowing? It eats them alive.
7 What the narcissist tries next, and why it flops
Cue the panic moves. They come flooding in, don't they?
First, the love bomb. "I've been thinking about you. I miss what we had." Out of nowhere, after months of treating you like an inconvenience.
Then, when that doesn't land, the guilt trip. "After everything I've done for you, this is how you treat me?"
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsStill nothing from you? Okay, time for the pity party. Suddenly they're unwell, or something awful has happened, or they're at their lowest and only you can help.
And when even that fails, out comes the anger. The threats. The smear campaign warming up in the background.
Why does none of it work? Because you've already left, internally. You made your decision back in section 6, remember? You didn't announce it, you didn't argue about it, you just quietly closed the door.
So every tool they reach for is being used on a person who no longer lives there.
And that, honestly, is a beautiful thing to witness. Even from the inside.
