Do you honestly think a narcissist is going to be responsible with finances? Big mistake! They are some of the most prolific, stupid people when it comes to where their money goes.
It's used as a dangerous weapon to the point where it can destroy lives, and not just those of the narcissist, but their entire family, too.
I had a client tell me her husband drained their kids' college fund on a business idea he never even started. Gone. No apology, no plan.
Getting into these issues is no joke…
…Here are six ways the narcissist will stupidly decide on anything revolving money.
1 No money, yet again…
There is always a family budget, and that always starts with the narcissist. If they have everything they want, then everyone else can have whatever is left over, if they're lucky. There's no real plan to that budget, just a rough idea of what needs spending each month.
Narcissists are infamous for telling their family:
I work hard, I deserve it. It's just money. No wonder it's spent so easily, if this is how careless they are with it, right?
It's the same wherever I look; family dynamics end up being that one person thinks they know how to control finances, without actually having a single clue on how to do so.
You end up hiding bills from them, because you know when they see the price due, the narcissist will hit the roof. It's as if they want any old excuse to be angry, so bills are perfect.
I had someone tell me their partner stood over the electric bill screaming, "Are you running a factory in here?" She'd been washing school uniforms. That was the crime.
Who is using all this water? Why is the gas this high? You're seeing someone who can control the entire mood of a house just because they feel like it. Nobody should feel guilty for showering. It's always his same pattern because all narcissists act this way with money.
On the flip side, they will love going out buying something unnecessary that costs a bomb, and that's because they can. They love to be a walking contradiction.
2 The lie is just part of their entire narcissistic system
I want to talk about why narcissists lie about money, and why it's the same as how they lie about everything else. It's casual as much as it is constant, but it can start as simply as hiding a new credit card from you.
Soon enough, that card is maxed out and you have no idea the card even exists. You're stuck, and it's understandable to not really know much about it until you start seeing those letters come through the house.
This is a creepy way of making money decisions; putting the family into debt and potentially affecting credit scores without even checking with your spouse that you are going to apply and then spend it all. For that spouse, it's like living in a shadow.
You have no idea of what is owed, just that all these wonderful things are coming out of nowhere and you have no idea how they're being paid for. Calm down, it's not as bad as it looks. It'll be fine, I can pay it off. It's nothing.
Do you think I can't handle it? It all comes back to you, like you're the problem in all of this, when you're not. You're just responsible, careful if anything. Why are you suddenly so interested in our finances?
Um, maybe because they are ours and you seem to be hellbent on wrecking what we've built together? Narcissists won't care, but they expect you there to help pick up the pieces when they ultimately overspend and leave your bank account high and very dry.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseAnd when you confront them, expect the classic, "I was doing this for us." No, they were doing it for themselves and dragging you along for the crash.
If you learn to stop asking, the narcissist will learn that you're just allowing it, yet if you keep asking, you're a pain. Lose, lose.
3 Everyone around the narcissist has to adjust, except them
This one will hit hard, but it's just so true I couldn't leave it out. You remember what it was like during those times you hit a financial wall with the narcissist, don't you? Everyone's life had to change, and cutbacks were essential. Everyone except the narcissist, that is.
The narcissist knew and believed that they were the only ones in the family that mattered, so while money was tight and you cancelled your hair appointment and pulled the kids out of their activities, the narcissist still went out to the bar on the weekends with their friends and spent $50 on beer and chips.
It doesn't seem fair, and that's because it just isn't. Victims have also gotten to a point where they have to take on a second job just to make ends meet because their narcissistic spouse is being careless yet again with the little cash that's coming in.
That's a real mental load to take on. The excuses the narcissist makes to maintain their spending will absolutely floor you, too. I have to keep my gym membership to look after my mental health. I work hard, so why shouldn't I enjoy my Friday nights with the boys?
One woman told me her husband said, "I earn it, I decide where it goes." She was working double shifts while he was booking golf weekends.
I'm going away on that trip to network for work, not have fun. You're all going one way to make sacrifices, and the narcissist gets to carry on like nothing is happening.
None of that seems fair, and of course, it makes all your individual needs seem like they don't matter.
In turn, that makes you feel like you don't matter, and the narcissist is happy for that dynamic to play out and air like it's the truth, but we all know you do matter.
4 Money for the future? Forget it
The part most people don't really see coming is only spotted when it's too late. Narcissists don't just drain what's in your account right at this moment; they drain everything you had planned for your future, too.
If you have savings, you can forget about them, as they will be rinsed alongside everything else, too.
If you have a pension or retirement fund, you can also kiss goodbye to that, and any credit you have will be entirely maxed, meaning your credit score is at serious risk of declining due to the narcissist's misdemeanors. There's no real conversation with you about any of this either.
It isn't as if they honestly ask for a loan, or buy something necessary. It's that the money goes' it's frittered away on nothing over a long period of time until there's nothing left.
If you end up separating, you do so with not a dime to your name, having to start all over again and then you feel guilty for thinking you let it happen.
You sat there watching the account balance dip, wondering if you were overreacting, while they were out buying something ridiculous with the money meant for the kids' college.
You didn't. If you remain together with the narcissist, you're told:
Why do you always make a big deal out of things? You know I can earn the money back. You take everything so seriously. You're so negative. You never focus on the good things that are happening.
Financial damage is never done by accident; there's good thought that goes into ruining the family's finances on a whim and with an egotistical skip in their step. But this is everyone else's stability and security, too, but the narcissist won't see it that way.
They're continually out for themselves, and that's how it'll always be.
5 The kids notice more than you think
You think they don't. You think they're too young, or too busy, or too distracted with their own stuff to clock what's happening with money at home.
They clock everything.
They notice when dad drops hundreds on a new watch but says there's nothing for the school trip. They notice when mom books a spa weekend right after telling them the heating has to stay off.
They notice the fights that always circle back to bank statements, and they notice which parent goes quiet and which one gets louder.
I had a mum tell me her nine year old once whispered, "Why does daddy get new things and we don't?" Nine. Working it out on her own.
Kids build their entire understanding of money from what they see at home. When one parent spends like a king and the other rations bread, that becomes their template. Some grow up terrified of spending a dollar.
Others grow up chasing the narcissist's version of "success" because that's the only version they were shown.
Either way, the damage sits with them long after the receipts are gone.
6 Money as a leash, not a resource
Money in a narcissist's hands stops being money. It becomes a leash. A way to keep you close, keep you quiet, keep you grateful for scraps.
See also Do These 3 Things And The Narcissist Will Suddenly Respect And Fear YouThey'll dangle it. "I bought the groceries this week, remember that next time you want to argue with me." Suddenly a bag of pasta comes with terms and conditions.
And it filters down to everyone. The kids learn to ask carefully, or not ask at all. You start budgeting around their moods instead of the actual bills. That new coat you needed? Forget it, because asking would mean owing something you can't pay back in cash.
I've heard people say, "I had my own income and I still felt broke." That's the leash doing its job. It was never about the numbers, it was about who gets to decide.
Real families pool resources. Narcissistic ones weaponise them. And the saddest part is you can spend years working, earning, contributing, and still feel like you're begging in your own house.
That's not a partnership. That's a payroll with strings attached.
