When the narcissist decides they don't like you, they're going to treat you a certain way that only you will pick up. It's not a choice you have, and no matter how liked you try to make yourself, the narcissist has made their mind up.
And here's the sneaky part. Everybody else around you thinks the narcissist is lovely. Charming, even. You're the only one seeing the shift, and that's exactly how they want it.
Existing is enough for them to do these things that other people miss, only you will pick up on. Are you ready to find out what they are, and how many can you relate to? I've been known to relate to a few in my time!
1 They make you feel invisible in the room you're standing in
While everybody else is standing around you, you feel as though you're the only invisible one in the room. That will be because this is precisely what a narcissist who doesn't like you wants to make you feel.
They've made their mind up, but it's not enough to just be civil toward you.
After all, I do get what it's like having to be around people you aren't fond of, but the purposeful act of cruelty, aiming their game and control at you can make you feel incredibly uncomfortable.
I had a client tell me her narcissist ex would literally turn his back mid-sentence when she spoke at dinner parties. Everyone saw it. Nobody said a word. Sound familiar?
Narcissists never really have a good excuse to not like you. It's usually because you're popular, or kind, or people really love you. But when you're there in front of others and it's your turn to speak, the narcissist will overtalk, or ignore you completely.
It will feel as though you're speaking to yourself, and the narcissist will turn to someone else and overcompensate their volume and interest to make you feel even smaller. You are not imagining it.
2 They compliment everyone else and neglect you
There's never a direct insult toward you, just the idea that everyone else around you has something good enough worth shouting about going on, and they deserve the talk, the praise, the love. That dress looks amazing on you! Look how gorgeous your hair is!
I had a client sit across from me and say, "He hasn't said a word about my promotion, but he won't stop telling my sister how clever she is." That silence stings, doesn't it?
I absolutely loved your social post yesterday with your vacation photos! None of this interest carries over to you, but it's done to pump up the ego of everyone else around you, while leaving you deflated. The narcissist's only message to you is via their silence.
3 They purposely forget you
Hi Emma, oh sorry, I mean Emily! There goes that little laugh. The narcissist knows what they're doing, and in yet another effort to make you feel as though you don't matter, they will forget your name, and all the things about you that they've heard a hundred times already.
They know. They know your name and everything about you.
I had a client whose narcissistic mother-in-law called her by the ex-girlfriend's name at every family dinner for two years. Two years! Accidental? Not a chance.
The only way to make you seem so irrelevant is by purposely forgetting it in front of you. Don't I matter? To them, no. But that shouldn't be the bar of standards set in stone. After all, these people aren't as important as they think they are.
4 The sighing…
You walk into the kitchen and the narcissist sighs. You join the group who are talking that includes them, and they let another out. They want you to hear it every time, so that you associate being near them as being something they actively don't want.
I had a client tell me her ex would sigh so heavily when she walked in, she started tiptoeing in her own house. Can you imagine? Tiptoeing where you pay rent.
The narcissist isn't tired, they just want you to know that they're fed up with you, and will do what it takes to make that as obvious as possible. It's in the narcissist's hope that you then avoid being anywhere near them, which is their ultimate power move.
Once they successfully do this, you're no longer making your presence known anywhere near them.
5 They make you a problem, but nobody else
Why is it that you always seem to be the issue? A client messaged me not long ago and said her narcissistic friend lost a parent, and in her grief, she told my client that she needed space from her.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseMeanwhile, she was out with other friends, family, living a normal life, albeit one in grief.
And it's such a specific move, isn't it? Everyone else gets the normal version of them. You get the cold shoulder, the sighs, the sudden distance. Just you.
Why did she single my client out, and what was it about her that she felt was a trigger in her grief? That's not for me to know, but it is a sign that actually, there just may not be that much like there in the first place.
That has nothing to do with who my client is, and everything to do with a control the narcissist has over her.
6 They stop asking you your news
What's new with you? That question never gets asked any more, because the narcissist doesn't like the idea of having to sit through the answers.
I had a client tell me her narcissistic sister used to interrupt her mid sentence with, "Anyway, guess what I did today?" Every single time. She stopped bothering to answer at all.
A narcissist who doesn't like you won't want to be kept up to date with your news, which should be a relief to you that they aren't sticking their nose in your business.
Unfortunately, it can prove a confusing time for people who don't understand what it is about them that's so disliked. You can't ever try to tell someone else you've noticed this, as they will likely make excuses for the narcissist. That's the worst part.
7 They incorrectly label you after one mistake
You slip up, and suddenly:
You're so insensitive! You're so thoughtless! You aren't even bothered!
One mistake, and suddenly you're the problem child forever. A client of mine forgot to text back one afternoon, and got, "You never think about anyone but yourself." One text. That's all it took.
Why are you so cold?! Suddenly, you're labelled, and that label will stick forever now. Be careful not to take it on as who you are though, after all, that's what the narcissist wants to do to punish you.
It's their way of saying they don't like you without using those actual words.
8 They blatantly ignore your success
How does the quote go?... "Pay attention to those who don't clap when you win."
It's so true.
I had a client whose sister got a promotion she'd worked years for. The narcissist changed the subject to her own headache. Not a word. Sound familiar?
Why wouldn't your friends or relatives want to be happy for you when you achieve something in life?
If you notice the narcissist goes extra quiet and acts like you're invisible to them when you're in the middle of one of the happiest moments of your life, it's going to mean they aren't as fond of you as they claim to be. This isn't a you problem.
9 They dig out your insecurities in front of a crowd
You don't like flying, do you? I don't tend to eat as much as you do for breakfast. What are you so afraid of? It's nothing!
I had a client tell me her ex asked about her weight in front of his whole family at dinner. Smiled while he did it. Everyone laughed like it was a joke. It wasn't.
Just go for it. You find yourself under their spotlight, and nobody else is. Everyone looks on, waiting for you to answer and mistaking the moment for a genuine conversation. It's not. It's uncomfortable, and you know it, so does the narcissist.
10 They live out your dream life in front of you
It's done on purpose to get under your skin. Everything you want from life, the narcissist goes out for themselves and gets. It's personal because it's that obvious.
I had a client whose ex suddenly booked the exact trip to Italy she'd been saving for. Posted every meal. Tagged the hotel she'd shown him. Coincidence? Come on.
You may not be in a position to live out your dream life, but the narcissist will do it to spite you. Why are they pouring all their energy into making you feel so crappy about yourself?
The only answer worth considering is that they just don't like you, and nobody will pick up on it except you because they're your dreams.
11 The Sudden Cold Shoulder When You Walk In
You're walking into the room, and mid-laugh, they stop. Just like that. The energy drops ten degrees before you've even taken your coat off.
Everybody else feels it too, but nobody says a word. They just look at their drinks or start scrolling their phones, and you're left standing there wondering if you imagined it.
You didn't.
The narcissist is doing this on purpose. They want you to feel like you've interrupted something, like you don't belong, like the room was better before you walked in. It's petty, isn't it? Grown adults doing this.
And here's the thing. If you call it out, you look paranoid. "What? I was just quiet for a second, why are you making it about you?" Classic. So you swallow it down and pretend it didn't happen.
But you know. Your body knows. That sinking feeling in your gut is not overthinking, it's recognition.
They wanted you to feel unwelcome, and they succeeded, and then they'll act baffled if you ever bring it up.
See also THIS is What Makes Narcissists12 They Copy You, Then Act Like They Did It First
Ever had a narcissist compliment your idea in one breath, then present it as their own the next? Yeah. You know that stomach-drop feeling.
They watch you closely, the ones they don't like. They notice your style, your phrases, the way you handled that tricky client, the recipe you brought to the potluck. And then, quietly, they lift it.
Suddenly they're wearing the same jacket. Using your exact turn of phrase in a meeting. Talking about "their" approach to something that was, quite literally, yours last month.
And if you dare say, "Hey, didn't I say that?" watch out. You'll get, "No, I've been doing this for years." Or the ever classic, "I think you're remembering it wrong."
Why? Because they don't like you, but they know you've got something. Something they want. Copying you is their way of taking a piece of you while pretending you were never the source.
It's flattery and theft rolled into one, and they'll never admit to either.
