I want to ask you something. What have you noticed about the narcissist in your life? Because over the years, sitting across from clients and hearing the same stories on repeat, I've started to see a pattern.
There are just some really strange, oddball things narcissists do that, once you spot them, you can't unspot them.
So today, I'm going to lay 8 of them out for you. Think of it as a little heads up. The kind that helps you sidestep them the way you'd sidestep dog poop on the sidewalk.
Hey, I'm all about keeping your shoes, and your heart, free from s**t.
1. Alone? Absolutely Not!
Say what you want, I’ll stand by this one. Narcissists cannot be alone. They just can’t.
Oh, they’ll act like they can. They’ll post the deep little quotes about solitude and how they don’t need anybody. They’ll tell you, "I'm happy in my own company, I don't need people the way you do." Yeah. Sure.
Underneath all that performance? They cannot stand themselves. And why? Because deep down they know what they are. Sitting alone with that is unbearable, so they don’t.
The image they push at you is the opposite, isn’t it?
Look how loved I am.
Look how independent I am.
I don’t need a soul.
Lies. Every word.
They need you. They need the next person. They need an audience, a target, a witness, somebody. Because here’s how it actually works: no people, no conflict. No conflict, no drama. No drama, no supply. No supply, no fix of feeling superior.
The whole thing collapses without someone in the room.
Have you ever watched a narcissist when the house empties out and the phone goes quiet? They unravel. It’s honestly one of the strangest things to clock once you start seeing it.
2. Your Success Is Their Worst Nightmare
And speaking of things collapsing, here’s another one. Your success? Yeah, they hate it. They don’t want to see you do well, because every time you shine, they feel a little smaller. And that’s unbearable to them.
I know how strange that sounds. Who doesn’t want the people in their life to thrive? Healthy people do. Narcissists don’t.
I’ve had clients tell me, “The minute I got the promotion, he picked a fight in the car park.” Or, “She suddenly went cold the day I told her about the course.” Recognize that?
It isn’t random. Your win is their threat. So they’ll sabotage quietly, plant doubt, downplay it, change the subject. “Are you sure that’s the right move for you?” they’ll ask, with that little concerned face.
Imagine needing the spotlight so badly that you’d trip somebody else just to keep it. That’s where they live. That’s the whole game.
3. Somehow, It's Always Your Fault
And while they’re busy resenting your wins, guess who gets blamed when anything goes wrong? You. Wait, what did you do this time? Honestly, even you don’t know, do you?
The milk went off. Your fault. They got stuck in traffic. Your fault. The dog barked at the postman. Somehow, also your fault.
I had a client tell me that she got blamed once because her partner couldn't find a parking spot. She wasn't even in the car. She was at work. But by the time he got home, it had become her fault for "always making him late on Tuesdays."
That's the level we're talking about.
Nothing is too small or too absurd. Narcissists need a scapegoat for every inconvenience life throws at them, and you happen to be standing nearest. So you wear it. You apologize. You start scanning your day for what you might have done wrong, when the answer is nothing. Absolutely nothing.
4. You're Useful, Until You're Not
Have you ever felt like a vending machine? You put in your loyalty, your time, your contacts, your money, your patience, and out pops their next reward. That’s how it goes with narcissists.
If you’ve got something they want, oh, you’re wonderful. You’re “the best partner I’ve ever had.” You’re “the only one who really gets me.” They’ll parade you around. They’ll talk you up to their friends.
You make them look stable, generous, family oriented, whatever shape they need to wear that week.
And then? The job comes through. The money lands. The image is built. Suddenly you’re not getting replies. Suddenly you’re “too much.” Suddenly the pedestal you were on becomes the bin you’re tossed into.
I’ve heard it a hundred times from clients. "He acted like I was gold, then overnight I was nothing." That’s the cycle. No consistency. No accountability. Just use, dispose, repeat.
5. The Past? Locked Away
Try asking a narcissist about their past, and watch the shutters come down. It's vague. It's foggy. It's, "Oh, I don't really like talking about that."
And isn't that strange? Most people, when they like you, want to tell you everything. The childhood stories, the daft jobs, the friend they fell out with in 2014. The whole messy scrapbook.
Not the narcissist. They hand you crumbs. A half story here, a vague reference there, and if you press for more, suddenly you're being "nosy" or "making them uncomfortable."
Why all the secrecy? Because the truth is loaded with red flags. If you knew how the last relationship really ended, who they ghosted, who they screamed at, who finally had enough and walked, you'd be out the door before your coffee went cold.
So they curate. They edit. They give you the highlight reel of a person who never existed, and they make sure every story casts them as the wounded one. "She was crazy." "He used me." "My family just don't understand me."
And what do you do? You feel sorry for them. You soften. You start tiptoeing around their old wounds, working overtime to not be like all those terrible people who came before you.
That's the trick, isn't it? The locked away past isn't just hidden. It's a leash.
6. Every Ex Was A Monster, Apparently
Since we just touched on their hidden past, let me zoom in on one specific corner of it. The exes.
Here’s the thing. You will never, and I mean never, hear a balanced story about a narcissist’s previous partners. If they’re telling you about an ex, brace yourself, because the descriptions are going to be wild.
"They were genuinely unhinged."
"I was cheated on, lied to, used."
"They abused me for years."
"I lost myself completely with them."
"I told myself I'd find the opposite of them one day, and then I met you."
And boom. Your heart cracks open. You feel for them so much. You want to be the soft place they land. You want to prove to them that not everyone is awful.
So you start doing more, giving more, dropping your own plans, ignoring your own needs, all to be the one who finally treats them right.
You know what you'll never hear?
"Yeah, we just grew apart."
"It was actually pretty amicable, we still talk."
"They were a good person, just not for me."
Nope. Not a chance. Because in their version of events, every single person they've ever loved turned out to be a villain. Every one. Doesn't that sound a little statistically suspicious to you?
7. Home? They Don't Have One
And it isn’t just exes they leave behind. It’s places too. They left the city. Then they left the next city. Then the state. Then the country, apparently because nobody “got them” there.
And now here they are, with you, settled, sort of, kind of, maybe. Doesn’t it feel special? Like you’re the reason they finally stopped running?
Yeah. I’d sit with that one a little longer.
Narcissists move because places stop serving them. That’s it. When the reputation cracks, when somebody calls them out, when the well of supply in that town runs dry, they pack a bag and they’re gone by Sunday. No goodbyes. No forwarding address.
Just a clean slate in a new postcode where nobody knows their history yet.
I’ve heard it a hundred times from clients. “He told me I was the reason he wanted to stay.” “She said this place finally felt like home because of me.” And then six months later? New city. New job.
New story about why the last place was toxic and full of jealous people.
If they can’t plant roots anywhere, what makes you think they’ll plant them with you? You’re not the exception. You’re the current location.
And let me guess, they framed it as romantic? That you were the one who finally made them want to stay?
Tread carefully. Really carefully.
8. Friends Come, Friends Go
And it isn’t just postcodes. The people in their life rotate just as fast. Have you ever noticed how the narcissist's friend list reads like a revolving door? One month it's Sarah, who's "the best person I've ever met." Three months later? "Oh, Sarah.
Yeah, she turned out to be really fake."
The pattern is always the same. They never let anybody get close enough to actually know them. Why would they? Real friendship means being vulnerable, and vulnerability is the one thing a narcissist would rather chew glass than do.
So instead, they dip in and out. They collect people. They use them while they're useful, and then they drop them the second something doesn't go their way.
And step out of line once? Just once? You're done. I've had clients tell me, "I just disagreed with him at a dinner party, and he never spoke to me again." That's it. That's the whole story.
Friends come and go in their droves because nobody can keep up with the conditions. Who wants to walk on eggshells just to be considered a friend?
Not me. Not you. Not anybody decent.
