One day you're talking normally, the next, you discover you've been blocked by the narcissist. Not just in one place, but everywhere.
I had a client tell me her ex blocked her mid-conversation, mid-sentence actually, while they were planning dinner. She sat staring at her phone for an hour. Confused doesn't even cover it.
They didn't explain, or give any warning, they just went. Seeing as so many of you have stories of being blocked with no warning, I felt it necessary to tap into why that is, and talk about how jarring it feels to be on that receiving end.
Hitting the block button causes confusion and panic, but let's look into why narcissists do it, and what they really want.
1 Narcissists love the power trip
It's an addiction for the narcissist, not that they will ever admit to it. What happens during a time where you're blocked is that the narcissist is feeding their own addiction, and expecting you to come along for the ride.
Victims of narcissistic abuse do just that, because they're addicted, too. The blocking sends them into overdrive wondering and obsessing over what they may have done or said that was so terrible.
They run over and think about every tiny detail that got them to this point, and of course, no logical explanation will ever be found because you didn't do anything wrong.
I had a client say to me, "Alexander, I refreshed his profile fifty times in one night." Meanwhile he was probably sitting there laughing. Sound familiar?
Blocking you will give the narcissist instant control. Your emotions, your reactions, they want to be able to dictate all of it, and this gives them the perfect opportunity to be able to do so.
One minute they're your partner, the next, they're this person who just gets to decide whether or not you exist in their digital world. That hits hard for many victims, who still forgive the narcissist for doing the unthinkable.
The power trip is the narcissist's height of satisfaction, and handing it to them makes it all the more worth their while according to them.
2 Their ego is fed by your panic
So, when is that exact moment you realize you've been blocked? You wake up one morning, and you see you're a friend down on your socials. You notice a blank profile image where their face once was.
You probably tried texting anyway, just to see if it would go through, but all you get is one tick. You try calling, but it cuts off and tells you that you can't get through. You're desperate now.
You try friends, but either they've blocked you too, or they won't respond to you because they've been told to stay quiet. The only thing your panic does is feed the narcissist's ego.
You want your panic to make them suddenly realize what a terrible, thoughtless person they've been, and unblock you to return.
I had a client picture it perfectly. She said, "He's probably sitting there with his phone face down, smiling every time it buzzes." And honestly? She was right.
It's all supply to the narcissist. While you're panicking, probably crying and trying your hardest to reach them, they're sitting back and laughing at you for being this tragic mess that is lost without them. A narcissist's ego really is that sick and twisted.
They know they can't survive without watching you panic and offer them all this information and confirmation that they're needed and wanted by you.
If you've been there, you'll know exactly the lengths a person would go to, in order to reach them and find out what the problem is so you can find a solution. There is no solution to this aside from walking away and letting them block you.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseWithout your supply, the narcissist has no fuel. Giving in and being the person they want you to be will always leave you at their mercy, which gives you no control or power in the long run. Is that really where you want to be?
3 The story is rewritten by them
When the narcissist gets to silence you, they get a moment to think about what story they want to tell themselves. She was crazy. Now she's out of my life, I can rewrite this. Now I have a little peace, I can safely call her abusive.
Yes, that's exactly what she was. I tried everything I could to make it work, but was met with nothing but neediness.
I had one client whose ex told mutual friends she'd been stalking him. Stalking him! She'd blocked his number months ago. But she couldn't defend herself, could she?
You know what it's like, right? You tell yourself something often enough, and before long, you'll start to believe it. Once that's successful in their own minds, a narcissist will start passing that story around like it's the best news ever. The more people who hear it, the better.
It'll be one to make them look like the victim, and to make you look like the bad guy, even though you're innocent
Your silence and blockage will mean you're unable to contest these lies and defend that innocence. The narcissist is protected from the truth with their own convincing story, and you aren't around to set the record straight. For them, it's win win.
4 The blocking is never about what you did
…But I doubt you'll see it that way when you're fighting with reason. You'll naturally default to:
This was me. I caused this. If only I… Why didn't I just… I should have…
It'll drive you crazy trying to think about what it was exactly you said or did that was so wrong. I will give you the simpler truth:
It was nothing you did.
I had a client list out fifteen things she might have said wrong that week. Fifteen! And not one of them was the actual reason. There wasn't one.
That's what hurts so much, I honestly think. You feel wronged, and deep down there's no justice for experiencing something so hurtful and not being able to talk it through because all lines are closed.
This should tell you that although you have blamed yourself in the past, this one really doesn't hold anything similar to that. The narcissist knows what they're doing, and even though it's incredibly unreasonable, that won't stop them from continuing in whatever way serves them. Remember, you don't matter.
5 It's a test to see how much you'll chase
How far will you go? What will you do to ensure you're heard, and you get the closure or repair you so badly want? You write the letters, and the narcissist sees them dropping in their mailbox. They feel good because they know they've got you where they want you.
The chase is enjoyable to them; it fires them up and gives them wanted attention they can't live without. And you?
I had a client message me at 2am once, saying she'd sent her ex twelve voice notes and got nothing back. He was reading every single one. Smiling, probably.
You're exhausted from chasing somebody who won't stand still and wait for you to catch up. As fast as the narcissist is concerned, you're yesterday's news. When you chase, you're telling the narcissist that you have very few boundaries.
You'll tolerate any kind of treatment and still want to be in their life. That for the narcissist is music to their ears. It's the kind of feeling that gives them much needed supply, which is like air to them.
6 Silence is manipulation and not the closure you want
When you want closure from a situation like this, the silence won't act like it is giving you that.
Some people argue and say, "Let silence be the closure you need," but when it's left so wide open for interpretation, you will see it as a chance for the two of you to connect at some point in your future.
I had a client say to me, "I just wanted him to say goodbye properly." That's the trap. The silence keeps the door cracked open, just enough for hope to sneak in.
That's what the narcissist wants. If they're bored someday, they may return. Giving you closure would prevent that from being possible.
7 The Unblock Is Coming, Don't Be Fooled
Mark my words. That block? It isn't permanent.
I've lost count of how many clients have told me, "Alexander, they blocked me weeks ago, surely it's over now?" And then a few days later, ping. There they are again. Back in the inbox like nothing happened.
The unblock comes when they need something. Attention. A reaction. To see if you've moved on (and panic if you have). Maybe they're bored. Maybe the new supply isn't hitting the same. Maybe they just want to remind you they exist.
And here's the thing. The unblock will often arrive dressed up as something innocent. "Hey, hope you're well." "Saw this and thought of you." "Can we talk?"
Don't fall for it. Please.
The block was never the end of the story for them, it was a pause. A breath. A way to reset the game so they could come back and play another round when it suited them.
You don't have to play. You really don't.
8 It Punishes You Without Them Lifting a Finger
Think about it. They don't have to yell at you. They don't have to send a nasty message. They don't have to organize a smear campaign that day, or call your friends, or stage some big dramatic scene.
See also 8 Ways To Ruin A Narcissist's Life Without Breaking A SweatThey just tap a button.
And suddenly you're the one spiralling, aren't you? You're the one checking, refreshing, wondering what you did, going over the last conversation in your head trying to figure out where it all went wrong.
That's the genius of it, from their warped little angle. Maximum damage, zero effort. They get to sit back, probably scrolling through someone else's profile, while you're losing sleep over what a block actually means.
It's lazy cruelty, really. And it works because they know you care. They know you're the kind of person who needs closure, who likes to fix things, who hates loose ends. So they hand you a giant loose end and walk away whistling.
Don't give them that satisfaction. The block hurts, sure. But the punishment only works if you accept it as one.
