When you finally reach a place of peace for yourself, and knowing your breakup with the narcissist is coming, you'd think it'd make them happy.
All those threats to leave, and promises to go if you don't start behaving in ways they want you to; what did they all mean? In essence, they didn't mean the narcissist was going to leave.
Those threats were ways to control you, but now you're leaving, and you're about to witness the show of all shows.
You're going to want to stick around to find out what happens when you give a narcissist the breakup they wanted.
#1 You finally call it
Calling time on a relationship with a narcissist is no mean feat.
It takes courage and determination, because ultimately you're faced with a person who may defy you and make it very difficult for you to cut those strings and leave.
When you finally do call it, it's a freeing feeling. It means you're ready to step away from all the toxicity that's kept you locked in; the push and pull, the hot and cold that keeps a cycle of abuse so addictive for victims.
But you're more than just a victim…
…You're a survivor. You know what it's like to live half a life, while the other is taken from you and fed as supply to the narcissist.
You spend so many years thinking there's something wrong with you, when in fact, all along, it was them.
So yes, calling time takes an act of bravery that not all survivors can do easily.
#2 Handing the narcissist the breakup
And so you say those words.
It's over. I'm done. I can't do this any more. I want out.
Short phrases that pack a punch. You want to make an impact and say what you mean, so you can start moving on, but when you hand the narcissist your breakup, you are opening another door.
This is the door that can lead to drama. The narcissist wants one more fling with chaos before you leave for good, and of course, in their ever-performing manner, they can't just accept your words and walk away, they have to make some kind of scene before it's over for good.
This can be troubling for survivors. The reason you're leaving is because you've had enough of them controlling you, manipulating you, and playing the drama card at every opportunity.
Don't think for one second that they will exit your life with a nod and smile of agreement.
But what does that mean? What happens when you finally give them the breakup they've been wanting and threatening you with over the years?
#3 When the confusion kicks in
First off, there is confusion. You're putting an end to a relationship they've been pushing to end when it suits them.
They're bored; they cause a scene and tell you that they want out. You're succeeding too much for their liking, so they push the brakes and tell you they want to leave.
Only it's temporary. Narcissists will react this way sporadically throughout your time with them for attention.
They're not getting what they want and they want to cause a little scene to get you fully fired up and anxious.
There's an element of real pleasure in watching you beg for them to want to try again, and they will, because thor plan was never to actually leave you, just to keep you on your toes.
And so, you beat them to it, and you mean it.
That's a confusing time for narcissists. You've taken the reins and you've made it happen, and because you're the one who is deciding, they're on the receiving end.
Narcissists cannot understand how you could do this to them. For a split second, they wonder if you're calling their bluff the same way they call yours, but in fact, you mean it.
You're done.
#4 Narcissistic panic: What it really means
Let's break it down for a minute, because panic to you or I means something completely different to narcissistic panic.
For us, panic means we worry. We worry because we might feel lost in the moment. What do we do next? We doubt ourselves, but ultimately, we know whatever we're faced with, it'll work out.
Panic for the narcissist is a stark contrast. For them, they've seen you get up and get ready to leave for good.
Their panic revolves around you not being there for crucial supply. Who will they abuse, and take all their moods out on? Where will they go for attention and affection, even though they give nothing in return?
Panic for them stems from selfishness. They worry that you are taking everything you serve them with you when you leave.
This isn't about love.
#5 Their threats to leave were a proven tool
And so, we discover the truth:
The narcissist's threats to leave all those times, were in fact proven to be nothing but a tool.
Their panic reveals their intention of never truly wanting to go, but rather using it as a way to get you to fall in line.
It's only when the tables turn and you use those words to mean something true that the narcissist hits the panic button. Because what you say, you mean.
#6 The script breaks and the hoovering begins
Congratulations, you've managed to rip up the script and banish the dynamics for good. Now comes the interesting part:
The narcissist will want to hoover you.
They try everything to get you to come back. There are promises to be better, invitations for lavish dinners, calling and texting to try to get you to talk.
If you're lucky, you won't fall for any of it. These mere attempts prove that they can try when they want to, but that you had to live with the other version of them; the version that didn't give a damn for far too long.
And so, the hoovering fails to work, and then…
#7 You're the problem
Yep, you read it correctly.
The narcissist will stick their nose in the air, realizing their mediocre attempts to win you back have failed. They will resort to the following:
Punishing you by spreading lies about you Telling you and anybody else who will listen that you were the problem
Speaking about you as if you were the abuser Telling people you were hard work and never satisfied
These lies will fall out of the narcissist's mouth so easily, but don't be fooled. You'll want to react and protest your innocence, but the more you do so, the crazier you seem.
This is a case of cutting and running, and leaving behind anything that reminds you of them. It's the start of a new phase in your life, one where you get to live freely, and without their permission.
This is a time to make it count, and understand that over time, the narcissist has told you on repeat that they want to leave.
This time they want you to not mean it, but you do.
You're done, and you are a pers
