It seems odd that trauma has its perks, but there is something you can take from experiences that left you scarred and pained.
Narcissistic abuse can open up survivors to a whole new level of trauma intelligence.
This is the kind of ability where you are a step ahead of the game, or to scan your environment for what it really is.
If you want to know those 7 signs that you've developed trauma intelligence, then you've come to the right place. Let's turn lemons into lemonade.
#1 You can spot a lie before the sentence is over
It's a big sign, and one you will just discover you have one day.
While it may not have always been an ability of yours, your time with the narcissist will have taught you that lies fall out of them, and others, too.
Becoming wise to the trauma you've been through means your eyes can open in ways you'd never imagine before.
A lie told once may not be able to do that to you, but repeated acts of dishonesty will eventually lead you to spot the signs as and when they arise.
Soon enough, a person can be three words into a sentence, and your tolerance for them drops to an all time high.
You know they're lying.
It's in the tone, their body language, and the words they're using. You've seen it all before, and never again are you going to fall for it.
So you don't.
This is something good to extract from being a narcissistic abuse survivor. At least with this trauma intelligence, you can save yourself from getting drowned in a sea of lies.
#2 You read a room faster than you can blink
Entering a room can feel overwhelming if you don't know who is inside, and what their motives are.
Surviving narcissistic abuse can leave victims with an 'on edge' feeling, always anticipating conflict or drama, or even just a cold character who they don't want to be around.
The thing is, from that very abuse comes the ability to instantly read situations.
You want to know what you're walking into, and exactly what that atmosphere means for you.
Before you've even blinked, your trauma intelligence leads you to know what each room reads like, and that's a pretty good thing to be able to do.
You spot the person who is going to be trouble, you scan and see the safe group of people to talk to.
You sense whether or not there's been a disagreement because you are looking out for odd behaviors or those left reeling from something.
It's in a smile, a nod, a posture, a look. You've seen it all before with the narcissist. You're used to tip-toeing around and wondering if it's safe for you to speak or even breathe.
Therefore, walking into a room gives you the ultimate in power moves.
You're a step ahead of everybody, and you've mapped out the dynamics well enough to be able to navigate the place safely, and for that, you're pleased.
#3 Mood changes in the house are felt the moment you walk into them
If you've had a nice day, you can walk home and into your house, turn the key, step inside, and know what mood everybody is in.
It's different in a way to my previous point. You're looking for physical signs that you are familiar with.
How the shoes were kicked off, how the coat has been left on the stand, how messy the hall is.
Are you entering a house where people have walked in before you and thrown everything off the minute the front door is closed? Is there loud, angry music coming from the kitchen?
You're spotting immediate signs, and sensing the moods that go with them.
It's interesting how survivors of narcissistic abuse do this, because you're spotting things that nobody else would really think to look for.
But you've had to. All those years of abuse have meant you do look for the unusual, but every time those things never let you down, and give you a clear indication of what's happening around you.
#4 Within minutes you spot the safe people
While you can be busy looking out for chaos, survivors of narcissistic abuse can equally be intelligent in spotting those they feel safe around, too.
You're looking for warm, receptive people who are genuine, and who give off positive energy, rather than charming energy. It's what you like to think you give off, and you spot that authenticity a mile off.
That's a good thing, as you then know who you can approach, and who will have a genuine conversation with you without any hidden agenda lurking.
#5 You know two opposing things to be true, and it doesn't break you
I love them, but I know they are not good for me.
It's the kind of opposing reality that can hurt you, but as a survivor, you know it to be true, and you are now at peace with that.
This is a wide awakening from narcissistic abuse, because you've walked away from the addictive aspect of it, and seen it for what it really is:
Toxic.
However, that doesn't erase your love for the narcissist overnight, in fact, it can take some time to fully feel over them.
You're comfortable taking that journey, and you know that you need to embark on it for your own healing.
It's a strong way of looking back on your trauma and knowing that there was nothing good about what you went through, but that doesn't take away the feelings you felt throughout.
This is a great indication that you're well on your way to untangling the mess you were pulled into.
#6 Charm doesn't fool you
Oh, boy. Charm. I could talk all day about this. I've seen it, I've been caught out in the past by people's charm, and I will always treat people I've only just met with a grain of salt until I fully know them well enough to judge.
Narcissistic charm can be captivating, and most people don't even realize they're being charmed. That's the danger, and by the time you understand, you're already in too deep.
But you? You've learned a strong lesson:
Never let charm dictate a person's goodness.
Overall, you might think you're meeting a nice, kind soul, but they're usually hiding something, and now you've survived it, you can spot it a mile off.
#7 You can hear about the pain of others, and not absorb it
There was a time you felt everything that was thrown your way. Every emotion somebody had, you took it on and treated it as your own.
Now, you listen and you care, but you keep that emotional distance you need in order to stay sane.
You separate their experience from your own, and you can leave the conversation with your wellbeing intact.
That proves you are unable to be messed with or manipulated by those who purposely seek to harm you.
Knowing that you don't absorb pain means you are never going to be tricked into feeling it by narcissists.
That's a big win!
