I know narcissists can be crass, but I want you to think about all the times you may mirror the narcissist when you want to catch them in a lie.
You can't be that obvious if you really want to open the doors and let them fall into their own trap.
Honestly, the best part is that you don't even have to do that much work. Narcissists trip themselves up all on their own, if you just give them the room to do it.
When you've caught them, that's where you can brag. Until that happens, I'm going to need you to follow these steps, and you'll find they fall right into their own trap all by themselves. You're allowed to gloat then!
1 First off, I need you to not confront them
It's a golden piece of advice, but if you step off on the wrong foot, none of what you want is going to come from it. In this instance, you're looking for the narcissist to slip up, but you want to be as subtle as you possibly can about it.
For that reason, it's not about what you want to do, it's what you aren't going to do. Confront. That's right. You're digging for the truth, but you want to treat this digging as if you're looking for the finest diamonds the world has to offer.
I had a client who confronted her ex about a lie, and within seconds, she was the paranoid one, the crazy one, the one 'always looking for problems.' Sound familiar?
Go steady, don't miss a thing. You may be aware of this already, but confronting the narcissist will only lead to a huge surge of self-defence from them. They will immediately spot what you're trying to do, and they will cover their tracks faster than you can blink.
Then you'll get the blame for being too pushy, too needy, too jealous, too whatever it is. Don't fall into that trap. Instead, go to step two!
2 Lies roll off their tongue so easily
Always remember this when it comes to any narcissist…
…All lies roll off their tongue so easily. Don't be fooled, none of them are really any different underneath it all. Even when you catch them in a lie, you want to think about how they respond. They will even lie to get out of their lie.
It will be as if you've cornered them, but they will still try to talk their way out of that corner.
I had a client whose ex looked her dead in the eye and said, "I never said that," about a voicemail she was literally holding up on her phone. Straight face. No flinch.
There are no morals. There is no shame. There is only more and more toxicity. If you can think about confronting a narcissist before, even when you know they're guilty, can you remember the look of horror on their face as you speak those words?
They can't believe you'd even have the audacity to accuse them, let alone speak the words aloud.
3 Ask them at a later date to repeat their story
So, here you are, having recently heard their latest lie. You know it's a lie, but what is the best thing to do? Surprisingly, it's to sit back and allow a little time to pass. In doing that, you're allowing the narcissist to go about their day a little bit.
What you want to do is return to the lie later on, maybe even another day, and ask them to retell it. I missed the part where… I can't remember what you said when…
It can be innocent.
I had a client do this exact thing once. She waited three days, then asked him to walk her through it again. Suddenly the story had a whole new cast of characters!
Go for it. Ask. See how the story changes, if at all, or if they look panicked at having to try to remember the story they told you the last time. If they change the story, you've got the narcissist right where you want them.
This is where you take the control, lead and power for the whole rest of your conversation. Won't that be fun!
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House4 Even when you know they're lying, stay neutral
I know you will want to jump in and say, "See? I know you're lying! I know better! I know you aren't being honest! You think I can't tell, but I can!"
Stop that right now. All you're doing is giving the narcissist ample ammunition to hold up to you and show you that you're officially losing your mind. You want to be neutral.
Think of yourself as a detective, not a lawyer. You're gathering, not prosecuting. The second they smell you building a case, they clam up and rewrite the whole story.
You can take it all in while:
Holding a blank expression on your face. Keeping quiet. Letting the narcissist have their space. Leaving out all your thoughts and opinions. Letting them fall into more and more lies by themselves.
The reason it's good to do this is because the second you show them you're onto them, you're going to cause their defences to rise up fast, and you won't get any farther with them in trying to allow their lies to fall out all on their own. Don't dabble.
5 Ask them to be as specific as they can
This is probably my most favorite part of watching a narcissist get caught out in their own lies. Asking them to be specific isn't unreasonable, but you can fire off lines like this to get them to overshare and make things up quite literally on the spot:
"So, were you actually there at the time?
Watch their eyes when you ask what time it was. I had a client whose husband said he was at his brother's, then couldn't name a single thing they ate.
Who else was there?" "What day was this?" "Was that in the morning or evening?" "Was your phone on you at the time?" "I'm trying to think what was happening Wednesday with me while you were trying to call.
It's just I was home and I always have a signal here." "Are you going to be there with anyone else while you work late?"
If the narcissist gets a little defensive, you can shrug and say, "It's only because I care."
It will be hard for them to avoid your questions, and hard for them to answer the more specific you want to get with them.
6 Mirror back everything they say to you
I didn't get to check your emails. "Right, okay. So you haven't checked them yet."
I know the person you mean, and yes, we're just friends. "Right, okay.
I had a client try this at the dinner table once. She said her husband froze mid sentence, then muttered, "Why are you being weird?" That's the tell. That flinch.
You're just friends."
There's a lot of power that goes with echoing the narcissist at a time like this because they will want the last word, and you're not going to be giving it to them.
You're shining the light they're pointing at you right back at them, and when that light is on their face, there's nowhere to hide. It's a great way of making them feel uncomfortable, and it will be so obvious that this is what they are when you do it.
Remember, mirroring is exactly what they did to you in the beginning. You're just doing it right back to them.
7 Look for their reaction and ignore their answer
As ever with a narcissist, you want to make sure you are looking for how they react, rather than the words they're saying. Narcissists are master controllers and manipulators, but there's one thing they cannot hide well, and that's the look on their faces.
People who have nothing to hide will have an open, honest expression, and those who are defending something will show it in the darkness that overtakes them. I've seen it so many times, and I want you to be as familiar with it as I am here.
I had a client describe her ex freezing mid sentence when she asked one simple question. His jaw did this weird little twitch. She said that was the moment she knew everything.
Wide eyes. Fake surprise. Quick blinking. It all counts, and those are the signs you want to watch for. It's satisfying to catch a narcissist in a lie, and when they expose themselves without even realizing it, you know you've won!
8 Watch Them Trip Over Their Own Timeline
Timelines are the narcissist's worst enemy, and they don't even know it.
Ask them about something that happened, and then ask them about it again a week later. Watch what happens. The story shifts. The date moves. The person who was there suddenly wasn't there. The phone call that happened on Tuesday? Now it was Thursday.
And they say it all with total conviction, like you're the one who's lost the plot.
Here's the thing. Truth has an anchor. Lies float around, drifting wherever the narcissist needs them to be in that moment.
So when you calmly say, "But last week you told me it was Thursday," they'll hit you with, "No, I never said that. You're remembering it wrong."
Are you though? Or are they?
I always tell people, write things down. Not to build a case, not to play detective, just for your own sanity. Because when you have the actual dates and the actual words in front of you, the timeline speaks for itself.
And the narcissist? They can't argue with a calendar.
See also THIS is What Makes Narcissists9 The Panic Face They Don't Know They're Making
You know that split second when somebody realizes they've been caught, but they haven't figured out how to cover it yet? That's the face.
It's tiny. A flicker. The eyes widen just a little too much, or they go completely still. The jaw tightens. Sometimes there's a weird half smile that doesn't belong on anybody's face in a normal conversation.
And here's the thing. They don't know they're doing it. They think they're holding it together, that their poker face is doing all the heavy lifting. It isn't.
You'll ask a simple question, "Wait, so who were you with on Thursday again?" and for a fraction of a second, the mask drops. Then they recover, and out comes the smooth answer.
But you saw it, didn't you? That little flash before the words came.
Trust that. Your gut isn't making it up. The panic face is real, and it's one of the few things a narcissist genuinely cannot control, because by the time they've noticed it, you've already seen it.
