You're a narcissist and nobody is looking…
…What's the first thing you do?
There are 7 habits all narcissists have when they're alone. It's almost as if they hit the button to halt all performance until somebody next comes along.
What really goes on, though? I don't think some of these points will fully shock you.
But some? Oh yeah. You'll need to pick up your jaw off the floor. They really do stoop that low.
#1 They stop trying at lightning speed
When nobody else is around, one of the first things you'll notice is how quickly the narcissist stops trying.
The door closes, and it's just them, and they take a huge sigh of relief.
Finally! They don't have to perform any more. They don't have to pretend and be stuck smiling when all they want to do is roll their eyes and criticize everybody.
That act, that mask; it can all fall off now!
What's replacing that fake humor and energy is a sullen, flat, short-tempered narcissist, who is glad to be able to finally be on their own.
When you are watching but they think you aren't, it really can be a troubling transition.
You blink, and they become this stranger. And I have heard so many people say, "If only other people knew half of what I know about this person."
That's the crux of it all. You know it all, you see it all, and you have to deal with it all.
#2 Their complaints are constantly muttered
Now, these complaints don't have to be about anything specific.
What you will see is a person who goes from smiling at the world with their effortless precision, to complaining about everything.
The food isn't cooked properly. The TV is too loud, or the channel is terrible.
The news is appalling and depressing. A coworker emailed them late making requests and it put the narcissist's evening out.
There is this constant, low-grade irritation that bothers them, and it follows them wherever they go like a black cloud, and it's only ever when they're alone.
Where's the damn remote? Why does this coffee taste off? Why did you forget to go to the store? The neighbor next door has parked way too close to our drive.
There's no venting here, just the sound of a person who is never happy, but only gives themselves permission to voice it when there's no audience. It's exhausting for you, not to mention relentless.
#3 The people closest to them are the ones they treat the coldest
That's exactly how it goes with narcissists, I mean, think about it.
They know eventually their mask will drop in front of you. You're around them enough, and know them long enough to not be able to escape their real character.
Yes, in public, they kiss you and hug you. The kids get the same treatment at the school gates, like they're the best thing that ever happened to the narcissist. But when nobody is watching?
You see and feel that coldness. I know people who have spent the best years of their lives wondering what they did wrong all that time.
To go from affection to barely even a word in the kitchen that evening has got to come as some kind of shock to anybody on the receiving end of narcissistic abuse.
The truth is, to be that nice all the time takes a toll on the narcissist.
It's as if they're spending too much money, and need to stop in order to save for next time.
You see, you have value. And eventually, that value is taken advantage of.
#4 They monitor all social feeds
Don't underestimate this habit:
It's as real as they get.
This is a tactic by the narcissist that takes up hours of their time, and you never really know the depths of it until somebody like me comes along and reminds you.
So, what are we talking about here? First, there are all the exes.
Then there are the old friend's recent photos of their vacation.
Your siblings' new house they can't help but envy. Nobody escapes the tabs the narcissist keeps on them, but it's only ever really when nobody else is looking.
When they're alone, they get to clock in and see what everybody else is doing with their lives, to the point where I'd happily say they were obsessed.
#5 They love a bit (okay, a lot) of mirror talk time
It's a slightly cheesy one, but one that still counts all the same.
Mirror time goes without saying for any narcissist when nobody else is around.
They love to strut, practice an angle, try out different smiles, or even work on their posture.
While we all get mirror time in, it's usually for purposes that don't include standing there for minutes at a time pretending to be somebody ready for later when they need to perform.
If you walk past the bathroom and catch a glimpse, you'll know exactly what this looks like.
These are people who are so deeply insecure underneath it all, which is half the reason they need to rehearse anything at all.
If it doesn't come naturally to them, then they need that mirror time in order to convince everybody else that they're genuine.
There's nothing authentic about toxicity. This is nothing but a habit that proves their narcissism exists at all.
Don't say you weren't warned.
#6 The petty cruelty that paves the way for their knowing and satisfied smirk
The moments a narcissist is alone are the best times for them to act their most petty.
Maybe that includes a passive-aggressive text they've been wanting to send, or purposely put their phone down to ignore a friend who is trying to get hold of them.
It leads to an air of satisfaction they can really bask in while they're alone, and it's really eerie.
They don't feel bad about it, they just know that being alone helps them really suck that supply out of the person they're treating unfairly, and boost their ego.
That part of being alone is a great win for them, because it acts like a reminder that they're still in control, and have the power to determine the moods of others even when they aren't in the company of them.
#7 They scroll, or even drink, until everything goes numb
It doesn't really matter what type of emotional anesthetic the narcissist chooses, as long as it gets the job done.
In the evening you will watch them go from one glass of wine, to the whole bottle.
They scroll on their phone to the point where they then plug the charger in just so they can continue without their battery going completely flat.
Then there's the online shopping, or the drug of choice they choose to relax with.
Or maybe, just maybe, it's that 500g bar of chocolate they just can't help themselves with.
These aren't ways to relax; they're ways to numb pain that clearly exists in the stillness of their own home.
When the quiet becomes too loud.
