As is usual with these kinds of things, your body will know before your mind that there is something weird going on, and it's always when you're around the narcissist.
Your gut knows. It always knows. I've had clients say, "Alexander, I felt sick walking into the room and I couldn't tell you why." That's not random. That's information.
You can't explain it, but let me do that for you today, because these weird feelings that show up around narcissists really are not to be overlooked.
They carry with them such dominance, that we aren't destined to discover our responses when in their company, which is exactly why it's important that I do it for you.
1 "I am so tired!"
All of a sudden, right? All you did was walk into the room, and the narcissist was right there, sitting on the couch. They may have been perfectly pleasant at that time, and you sat beside them.
Within a few minutes, you wanted to curl up in bed and sleep for a week. People don't get bored and feel like this. They aren't exhausted from their busy day; this is the sheer feeling as though someone has unplugged you and you've malfunctioned to nothing.
I know this feeling to be weird, because I have experienced it personally myself (no names), and it really does feel that instant.
A client once told me, "I can fall asleep standing up if he walks in the room." That's not laziness. That's your body waving a white flag.
It's the feeling of thinking you're fine one minute, and the next, it's as if you can't sit up straight. Being around a narcissist cuts right through your energy supply, and the reason it does that is because narcissists ruin your nervous system.
It works overtime to try to keep you regulated and balanced, but when that toxic aura is anywhere near you for any amount of time, it's fast and it can take any of us by surprise.
The reason you feel so tired is down to you unknowingly giving everything you have to try to stay calm. You'd be shocked at just how difficult that actually is, and why it feels like you're running a marathon even though you're just watching the evening news together.
People make jokes about this, but it's serious stuff. Don't ignore that feeling your body is giving you, because it's all for a reason.
2 You hold your breath, why?!
I cannot be more direct than this: You hold your breath. You don't forget to breathe, you just clasp your chest so tight that it can't even though it tries. You realize you did it even just beside them in the car or washing the dishes.
It's as if you've gone tense from head to toe, including and especially your chest cavity. Your shoulders shoot up over your ears, and your jaw gets so tense that it feels permanently locked. That's your body bracing, guys.
I had a client describe it as waiting for a glass to drop. She wasn't doing anything wrong. She was just folding laundry. But her whole body knew something was coming. Sound familiar?
That's the narcissist sending you signals to protect yourself and wait for the impact, physical or emotional, that's coming your way. This is your body telling you, "Even though things are calm right now, I am waiting for the next outburst or slammed door."
That's a revealing message. It's weird to some, but when you sit with what it means, you're not going to want to ignore it. Nobody should be feeling that way around a person they claim to love, and who claims to love them.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseYou should be safe in your own home, without the impending risk of heightened emotions that make the air in the house thick with despair.
If that's happening to you, I urge you to think about what this really means, and if you want to spend the rest of your life feeling like this.
3 You feel inclined to whisper on the phone
Why do people do this? I've read so many accounts of people feeling the need to whisper while they're on the phone and the narcissist is around, and let me tell you, there is a very sad explanation as to why.
The truth is, nobody feels truly safe around these toxic people. Everything feels like it's going to be used against them, even information, and so people start to find it easier to just keep quiet around narcissists.
They talk quietly, not wanting what they're saying to be overheard, or news to be taken the wrong way. They want privacy, yet a narcissist will try to overstep wherever possible and pick out keywords they hear which inevitably open doors for all kinds of questions.
One client of mine used to go sit in her car just to call her sister. Imagine that. Hiding in your own driveway to have a normal conversation. That's not paranoia, that's survival.
Did you say you were seeing them Saturday? So, what's up with your mother? Why are you working overtime next week? Did I hear you say your father is unwell?
You were in another room with the door closed, so the only way the narcissist would've heard that is by leaning their faces against the door and listening.
Somewhere along the line, your nervous system learned to be as safe as possible by keeping yourself to yourself when on the phone. Even then, your privacy isn't guaranteed.
4 The way your chest goes cold and heavy when you see their name light up on your phone
Why isn't it warm like it was when you first met? From that point to now, something went cold, and you can't understand why.
Your body runs cold because it knows before your mind does how it feels to be so unsafe around the narcissist, and that their call to you is likely to be filled with drama, accusations or criticisms. You're used to this, and you don't want to pick up.
I had a client describe it as her stomach dropping before her brain even registered the name. Her body knew. It always knew first, didn't it?
Instead, you watch the phone ring as your blood runs cold. You've got nothing to say, and even if it's a text, you've no interest in picking it up and reading it because you know, as usual, a war is trying to be started by them and their latest mood.
It's time people started to listen to their bodies when this happens, because you can't spend your life ignoring what feels so strong and real.
As you do, and the longer you do, the longer you're going to have to tolerate reacting this way when you have the opportunity to be happy.
5 The anger you feel that you can't explain just hearing them breathe
No victim or survivor of narcissistic abuse wants to admit this happens, but trust me when I say, you start to pick up on how they sound, and you cannot put it to rest. The way they chew their toast in the morning.
The way they always clear their throat before they declare their latest toxic comment. The way they breathe steadily, yet nasally as they're just sitting down and watching TV in the evening. You can't stand it. What is it?
A client told me once, "I started leaving the room every time he poured his cereal. The crunch made me want to scream." She wasn't crazy. She was waking up.
It never used to bother you. It's likely a combination of you becoming mightily fed up with the narcissist as well as directing that intolerance to the things you can physically hear and see for yourself.
The alignment of your disgust at their breathing and the way they treat you will happen to all victims at some point. I do believe it's the first step to the beginning of the end, and I don't mean to sound dramatic here.
Think about it, can you live with that weird feeling for the rest of your life? I didn't think so!
6 That weird buzzing in your ears when they walk in
You know the one I mean. That high pitched hum, like a TV left on in another room. They haven't even said a word yet. The door opens, you hear their footsteps, and suddenly your ears are doing this strange little thing.
Is it real? Sort of. Your body is bracing. Your nervous system has gone, "Oh, them again," and the alarm bells are quite literally ringing.
I've had clients describe it as a pressure change, like when a plane is about to land. Others say it's more of a fizz, or a static. One woman told me, "It's like my ears go on standby waiting for the next bit of cruelty." That one stayed with me.
And here's the thing. You don't get this with everyone, do you? You don't get it when your best friend walks in, or your dog comes bounding over.
You only get it with them. Because your body has learned. It's been learning for a long time, and it's trying to keep you safe in the only way it knows how.
7 You smile, but your face feels like a mask
You know that smile. The one that shows up the second they walk into the room, almost before you've told your face to do it.
It's automatic. It's protective. And it feels nothing like a real smile.
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsI had a client describe it perfectly. She said, "Alexander, I can feel my cheeks pulling up, but it's like somebody else is doing it. My face goes stiff. Like I'm wearing one of those plastic Halloween masks."
Yes! That's exactly it.
Your body knows you're not safe to be genuine, so it puts on the performance for you. It's smiling to keep the peace. It's smiling so they don't pick at you for being "moody" or "off" or whatever word they've invented this week.
And the strangest part? You can feel the gap between your face and what's happening inside you. The smile is up there doing its job, and underneath it, you're exhausted, or sad, or quietly furious.
That gap is the giveaway. Real smiles don't feel like work.
