A narcissist will never randomly text you. There's always a reason for every time they reach out. From the length, to the emoji choices, the kisses or lack of, the punctuation; it will all be planned.
I had a client show me her phone once, scrolling back through months of texts, and you could literally see the shift. The warmth just drained out, message by message. Chilling, isn't it?
Their message will equate to their current value of you. When a narcissist stops respecting you, you'll notice those texts change, and I want to discuss the ways that will show up, especially when that lack of respect is obvious.
Let's look at all the ways narcissists text when they no longer respect you.
1 You notice the replies becoming shorter
I know you're probably thinking back to all the paragraphs the narcissist would send you. They'd likely have some warmth tied in with them, and you'd feel so lucky to know this person who takes all that time to write and care through words.
Then there were the voice notes that you just could not resist listening to over and over again. You'd hear detailed stories about their days and what they were up to, and now, all of that is gone. What is replaced? Sure. Okay. Fine.
I had a client show me her phone once, and the thread went from love letters to single word grunts in about three weeks. She said, "It's like he died and someone else got the phone."
Sounds good. Uh-huh. Got it. Not exactly anywhere near the paragraphs you'd become used to, right? This lack of respect will ooze out of the narcissist when you notice they couldn't care any less about what their responses are, but those shorter, sharper texts are never just off the cuff.
The narcissist uses these words carefully to let you know that their status is changing, without telling you that's what's going on. You're no longer that important person they once made you feel, and all you now deserve are a few letters when they get the time.
That's how the narcissist wants you to feel now, and a lot of victims will fall into that trap and feel worthless, but believe me, this isn't about you, it's about them and their latest toxic game.
2 They read your texts but don't answer them
Another reason to turn off the double ticks so you don't constantly keep checking your last message to see if it got a read yet. It's been five hours since you sent it, and you're still waiting for the narcissist to pick it out and acknowledge it. Acknowledge you.
But they haven't. And to add insult to injury, you've seen them active on social media, so this really does feel personal. This is sheer lack of respect.
Even if they do get round to reading it, you're never going to get a response because the narcissist will prioritize literally anything before they think of getting back to you.
And so the message sits there deliberately, and the narcissist feels good about themselves because they're now dominating the entire situation.
I had a client check her phone 47 times in one afternoon waiting for a reply that never came. Meanwhile he was posting gym selfies. Tell me that isn't deliberate.
Your entire days become about checking the status of your text, and you wait and wait, hope and hope. Are they online? Did they see it? Are they typing? This is exactly what the narcissist wants, and screams zero respect very loudly.
It's down to you whether you continue to live this way, but it's not freedom at all. You're living at the mercy of somebody who doesn't give your wellbeing a second thought. The only thing the narcissist wants is full control all of the time.
3 The tone in their words becomes flatter than ever
I hate to even describe a narcissist as having a warm tone, but when you first meet one, they will be full of it. It's a well-rehearsed attempt to charm people into thinking they are somebody that they aren't, and it always works. Wow, what a nice person.
Don't they just seem lovely? They are such good listeners. One of the nicest people I've ever met. We just hit it off from the start. There would be little inside jokes, or a particular way they would sign off after conversing with you via text.
You got to know this person well, until you realize it was just a version of them, rather than who they actually are. What you get now is a robotic response.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseI had a client show me a thread once. Three months of 'morning beautiful' messages, then one day just 'k'. That was it. No build up, no warning. Brutal, isn't it?
It's cold, almost like a business transaction. This is the proof you need that the narcissist is no longer investing in you, and for reasons you'll never know.
All you'll notice is the change, and of course, for those who are of anxious nature, that is left wide open to interpretation. What did I do wrong? Is it me? Did I say something? Am I not interesting? It's not you, you did nothing wrong.
The only reason you might ask yourself these questions is because that cold tone will occur almost overnight, so it will feel like a sock to your system.
From somebody who thought you were valuable, to a person who acts as though you're a thorn in their side, it's unsettling, and is proof their mask (and respect for you) has gone out the window.
4 The narcissist fires out texts late at night
Midnight, 2am, 4am; times don't matter when it comes to narcissists, and the less they respect you, the more you will see texts fire your way all hours of the day, and night. Hey. What's up? It's been a while. Thinking about you.
There's no affection here, so stop looking for it.
I had a client whose ex would text 'u up?' at 3am for months. Not a single daytime message. That's all you need to know about how he saw her.
The narcissist wants to make sure you're still around at their beck and call, just in case they need you still. It's a breadcrumb, and if you could see the bigger picture, you'll see that their breadcrumb is worth nothing.
If they truly respected you, like any person, they'd reach out during times where they know you can reply and not feel shame for missing an opportunity at 1am to connect. If you respond in warmth, they know you're still available. It's best to delete and block.
You don't need that in your life.
5 They request more than they look to connect
If you were to scroll up your feed and look at all the messages the narcissist has sent recently, how many were actually asking you how you are in comparison to telling you what they want or need from you? Did any show any real kindness?
I had a client scroll back through six months of texts once, and counted three messages that weren't a request. Three! In six months. That tells you everything, doesn't it?
How many were a check in? Can you… Will you… Have you… Did you…
This is a real 'final stage' of your relationship, and if you ever needed that proof, all you have to do is read back and see for yourself.
6 They develop a sudden tone of formality
This is probably the most obvious one of all, but a narcissist will be strangely polite after a fallout, almost to the point where they are quite stiff and formal. Happy to chat. Hope all is well. Let me know when you're free.
One client showed me her phone and I swear, the messages read like emails from a coworker she barely knew. "Sounds good." "Thanks for letting me know." Who even is this person?
This is the real voice of relationship death, and it all starts to feel like you're in a contract rather than a loving situation. The narcissist wants to keep you at arm's length, and they clearly no longer respect you to engage in proper conversation.
This is a signal to you that their emotions are closing down for good, but that there needs to be some cordiality until they've made arrangements to leave. This isn't a relationship, sadly.
7 The Sarcasm Creeps In
You know that little sting you feel when you read a message and think, "Was that a dig?"
Yes. Yes, it was.
Sarcasm is one of the first signs that respect has left the chat. Where they used to send you genuine replies, now you're getting, "Wow, what a brilliant idea, never would have thought of that one myself."
Or you tell them you had a long day and they fire back with, "Oh no, poor you, however will you survive?"
It feels mean because it is mean. They're not joking around the way couples do when they're comfortable. There's no warmth underneath it. It's pointed, and it's designed to make you feel a little stupid for being yourself.
And if you call it out? Oh, you're overreacting. "I was joking, calm down."
Classic.
What they're really doing is testing how much they can get away with now. Sarcasm is the cheap, low effort way to belittle you while keeping their hands clean. And it works, because it's hard to argue with "a joke," isn't it?
8 Suddenly, It's All About Them
You open the text expecting maybe a "how was your day?" or even a half decent "you okay?"
Nope.
Instead, it's a wall of them. Their job. Their stress. Their friend who annoyed them. Their gym session. Their thoughts on a movie they watched without you.
Not a single question about you. Not even a courtesy one.
See also 8 Ways To Ruin A Narcissist's Life Without Breaking A SweatAnd if you do try to share something? You'll get a "mmm" or a "k" and then straight back to whatever monologue they were running before you dared interrupt.
It's like texting a radio station that only plays one show.
This is a big tell, isn't it? When respect goes, so does curiosity. They've stopped wondering about you because you're no longer somebody they're trying to impress or keep. You're just an audience now, and a pretty captive one at that.
The worst part? You'll catch yourself reading their long messages carefully, replying thoughtfully, and getting nothing back.
That imbalance tells you everything. You're doing all the caring. They're doing all the talking.
Big difference.
