Good morning! How did you sleep? I hope well, because this morning is going to drain the life out of you before you've even had the chance to step out the door and officially start your day.
At this point, you might be wondering why, and unsurprisingly, we can loop back to the narcissist.
I had a client say to me, "Alexander, I dread my feet hitting the floor." That's how heavy a narcissist's morning energy gets. Before coffee. Before anything.
Their mornings are as toxic as the rest of their days, with these 7 morning habits they just refuse to shake. And guess who has to tolerate it? You guessed it, you and anybody else who lives with you. Let's check these out.
1. They Set The Tone For Everybody Living With Them
As the sun rises and everybody leaves their bedrooms to head to the communal rooms in the house, you'll notice one thing if you live with a narcissist. Everyone, and I mean all residents, have to check in with the narcissist.
If you ignore them, then you're going to be remembered for the rest of the day by them. Nobody is allowed to speak about what they're excited about for the day. Nobody can say good morning to each other. The dog won't even get his morning sprint around the block.
The mood of the narcissist needs to be determined as soon as possible, and as crazy as it sounds, it makes a huge difference in how the rest of the house feels.
I had a client describe it like reading the weather forecast before deciding what to wear. Is he in a mood? Whisper. Is he smiling? Maybe today is safe. Exhausting, isn't it?
Bad moods mean everybody has to walk on eggshells. There's no messing around; all voices have to be as low as they can be, so as not to disturb the narcissist or cause potential rage.
You might have to quietly adjust your plans, and if you have kids, they get completely shushed. It's the habit of the narcissist to control this, and they enjoy seeing everybody else orbit around them.
A favorite way to change the entire atmosphere, which runs on wanting to keep the narcissist happy and regulated. Narcissists know this. They're very much in control of how they react for 98% of the time, after all, that's how they paint that charm on when it suits.
They know, they just thrive on having that morning authority.
2. Social Media Attention Is A Priority
When I wake up and sip my coffee, I head over to my weather and swipe for the day ahead. Sun? Rain? Wind? Cold? Hot?
I want to know, so I can dress accordingly, and also know whether I can leave my bathroom window open while I head out, or will it freeze the house.
I might then see if I had any messages overnight from family or friends, or a reply to an important email I sent out. It's pretty much business as usual, but not for these narcissists.
I had a client tell me her ex would actually wake her up to ask why a post wasn't performing well. Six in the morning, panicking over likes. Can you imagine?
Mr or Mrs "I Love Myself" will wake up, switch on their socials, and check for that status update. How many likes did it get? Or what about that selfie they posted yesterday, did that gain traction? Who commented?
How has that post done in comparison with others, and were there any new followers overnight? It's more than a little cringeworthy, but that's how narcissists operate.
They love to know how they are perceived by the world, and if they aren't checking up on that in the middle of the night, they're doing it first thing in the morning.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseI don't know about you, but I am barely even able to remember what day it is when I wake up, let alone who liked a post I made about whatever random thing I thought was relevant yesterday.
These people have no shame, but it's one main morning habit a narcissist will never forget to do.
3. The Day Has To Start With A Little Jab
I'll be gentle here, because this one shows up a lot in narcissistic households. I have messages every week commenting on this aspect of living with a narcissist, and they all say the same thing:
My day had to be ruined by them before they even started theirs. It's standard toxic practice, and it can be so subtle.
The problem with subtly is that it builds and becomes big, and those daily chips at you can start to really resemble a part of your character that's missing after some time. Interesting choice of outfit today. Did you mean to leave this out on the counter again?
One client told me her ex would say, "Wow, brave choice wearing that today," before she'd even had her coffee. By 9am she was a wreck. Mission accomplished for him.
I can't wait to get out of the house and work for the day. I've missed talking to people who can hold a conversation. When you ask them what they meant, you'll get the usual, "I was just being honest, no hard feelings," comment.
That doesn't make you feel better, in fact, it brings out more anger in you than you had before. Suddenly, your day has started off like total chaos, and they get to skip off into theirs knowing they caused it. This dominance is what the narcissist can't resist.
They know it works; it's tried and tested, and by the time you're heading into the shower to get ready for the day, you're already second guessing yourself.
4. They Get The Highlights While You Get The Chaos
A narcissist loves their own kind of setup, like everything has to be just so for them and nobody else. They like their coffee exactly how they like it. They protect their routine strongly. If they are in the bathroom, this has to be uninterrupted time.
Their schedule has to be respected by everybody else who lives in the house. It's like the world's most toxic gravitational pull, right? Meanwhile, there you are. Dealing with the kid's breakfast.
I had a client say to me, "He sat there scrolling his phone while I was wrestling shoes onto a screaming toddler." And then he asked why she looked stressed. Can you imagine?
Packing lunches. Getting the car keys ready for the school run. You're checking the calendar to make sure you haven't missed anything. The dog needs a walk at some point, so you have to remember that, too. Until you start to see the division, it will always remain.
Once you do see it, you'll struggle to let it slide again. The narcissist gets their calm morning, while you pick up everything else like they aren't going to come near it.
This isn't how couples should operate, and if that's what has been sold to you, then you've been lied to. You are not their staff.
5. Their 'Private Hour' Before Anybody Else Wakes Up
Do not disturb! That's the sign the narcissist should have hung up on their door every morning, and trust me, they'd love it.
The phone gets picked up, they reply to messages and emails, they send casual voice notes to people so they don't forget the narcissist exists (as if anybody ever could).
Every hour, that first hour each morning, the narcissist tends to do so much, and that's before anybody else has even stirred.
One client told me she caught her ex at 5am whispering voice notes to his ex from college. His excuse? "I couldn't sleep, I was just being friendly." Friendly my foot.
The morning becomes this little convenient pocket of the day where they're not being watched. They actually thrive on the rest of the house resting, so they can lay there and just be themselves.
They're lining up who they get to talk to for the day by initiating contact, and that's them set. It baffles me that this is a habit for anybody, but when you're breaking down the character of a narcissist, of course, it makes total sense.
6. The Mirror Gets More Love Than You Do
Have you ever stood at the bathroom door, half asleep, waiting for your turn, while they've been in there for forty five minutes?
The mirror is where the narcissist starts the day, and honestly, it gets more affection from them than you do. The little nods to themselves. The angle checking. The outfit changes. Three of them, before 8am.
And you? You're lucky to get a grunt.
I had a client tell me once, "He'd walk past me in the hallway like I was a coat rack, but he'd stop and adjust his hair in the mirror for the tenth time." Familiar, isn't it?
It's not vanity in the cute sense. It's not, "Oh, they just like to look nice." It's a need. They have to confirm the image before they go out and sell it to the world. The mirror is the only audience that never disappoints them.
You, on the other hand, have been demoted to background furniture. And the worst part? You started to believe that's all you were.
7. Breakfast? Only If It Suits Them
You'd think breakfast was a pretty universal thing, right? You get up, you eat something, you crack on with the day.
Not with a narcissist. Breakfast becomes a whole performance, and you're cast in it whether you signed up or not.
If they fancy a full spread, suddenly you're the one pulling pans out and making it happen. If they don't want anything, then nobody's eating. Your hunger? Irrelevant.
See also 8 Ways To Ruin A Narcissist's Life Without Breaking A SweatI had a client tell me her ex would loudly sigh if she so much as poured cereal before asking what he wanted first. "You couldn't wait two minutes?" Two minutes. Over cornflakes.
And heaven forbid you make something for yourself and not offer them any. That's grounds for a sulk that lasts until lunchtime.
It's not really about the food, is it? It's about who gets to decide. Who gets catered to. Who matters in that kitchen at 7am.
Spoiler: in their head, it's never going to be you.
Notice how exhausting that is before you've even left the house?
