While you're spending your post narcissistic abuse life sabotaging your own success, you need to know that you've learned the art of destruction from somewhere, or should I say, someone. A narcissist is great at sabotaging, but what's really surprising is how they sabotage themselves.
And honestly? Watching a narcissist trip over their own feet is one of those rare moments where you get to just sit back and exhale. They really do it to themselves.
You'd think they'd want to protect their own character and reputation, but they're just bad at everything. These 10 ways narcissists sabotage themselves proves they just can't get everything right.
1. The Good People Are The First To Be Burned
At some point or another, the narcissist has had really good people in their lives. From any walk of life, be it a close friend or relative; if they've showed up, they've earned that spot.
The problem occurs when a narcissist pushes them out, and I want to make it known to you now that this will always happen.
One trait of a good person is that they will always be honest; they will start working out those patterns soon enough, and eventually, they will stand proud and speak the truth, even if that truth isn't a good light for the narcissist.
Imagine being a narcissist and trying to digest the truth…
…Not easy, and certainly not tolerable to them. I'll say something now that you're probably going to be familiar with if narcissist have been a thing in your own life:
If you're a good person, you'll be labelled as nothing but bitter by the narcissist. Oh, and that's just the tip of the iceberg.
I had a client tell me her sister pulled her aside one Christmas and said, "He's not who you think he is." Six months later, the sister was cut off completely. Sound familiar?
You'll also be described as unsupportive even though you've bent over backwards to help them in the past. You'll be called insensitive because the narcissist saw an opportunity to react defensively to something innocent you said or did.
If you were their partner, it'll be known by as many people as possible that you are difficult to love and be around. One by one, the people who were at one point fully behind the narcissist? Well, they will go.
This person is then replaced by more shallow people who fail to see what the narcissist is really like, but who cling to their side like little cheerleaders of life. When things go wrong, that circle of people won't even notice.
This is a huge reason why a narcissist ends up sabotaging themselves; because they are nowhere near as emotionally capable as the people they've chased out.
2. They Deny Their Own Behavior To Themselves
The narcissist will be the last person to be honest about who they really are. Instead, you'll see other people start to see them clearly (and yes, this can take a while, but it does happen). Friends will eventually circle back to each other and share toxic stories or anecdotes.
Relatives are also known to share stories, and the narcissist's exes will all have their toxic experiences in common. A narcissist won't name what's happening here, after all, they don't see anything wrong.
I had a client say to me, "He genuinely believes he's the victim in every single story." And you know what? She's right. That's the scariest part of it all.
Instead, it'll just be a case of repeating and repeating. They go to work and have the same fallout with different people. The breakups they go through always look the same because inevitably the same dynamics play out. There's never any improvement because there's never any self reflection.
As those years go by, the narcissist concludes that nobody understands them, and that they haven't done anything wrong. We all know that's not the truth.
3. Their Charm Is An Overspend
Eventually, and bad luck for the narcissist, but charm will always run out. After a few initial months of, "Wow, this is amazing," cracks will start appearing. The narcissist's circle will start with a good old fashioned eyeroll. Soon, those invites to the narcissist slow down.
I had a client describe her narcissistic ex as, "exhausting, like watching the same magic trick on loop." The charm wears thin fast when there's nothing underneath, doesn't it?
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseWhy? Because the narcissist burns their bridges in real time, and their performance becomes tiresome. Every few years, there will be a new group of friends.
Maybe they will up and move; the bottom line is they will never truly have one place to call home, and it's all their own doing.
4. The People They Discard Are Highly Underestimated By Them
I'm not kidding when I say that the narcissist thinks all those they push away will eventually need them because they can't function without them. I know how grandiose that sounds, and it is. I wish I could tell them how wrong they are, but they'll never believe me.
One client told me her ex sent a message six months after she left saying, "You'll come crawling back." She was on a beach with new friends, laughing. Didn't even reply.
Life goes on, and people rebuild their lives, but that doesn't fall in line with what the narcissist wishes and hopes for. They want to see these people crumble, but instead, they thrive. What a way to sabotage your own thoughts and beliefs, but here we are.
A narcissist will never change.
5. They Seem To Always Pick Battles They Can't Win
Infamously known for being terrible at picking their battles, a narcissist cannot resist that inner urge to argue with someone smarter, definitely calmer, or even with a higher status than them.
These people refuse to flatter the narcissist's ego, and as a surprise to the narcissist, they just can't believe the audacity…
…So the drama starts.
I had a client whose ex picked a fight with her lawyer at a custody meeting. Yelled across the table. Guess who looked completely unhinged on record? Not her.
Why?! I sit here and barely have the energy to even think about it, but that's what being a narcissist looks like. These fights they pick ruin their reputation and image, and it was all so preventable in the first place.
6. Success Slips Through Their Fingers With Ease
A narcissist has just the same rights as anybody else to be happy, except they do nothing but sabotage it. Whether it's the job, the partner, the money, the body, or more; narcissists ruin whatever they can get their hands on because they can't hold onto it for long.
It fades, or the narcissist falls out with someone time and time again.
I had one client whose ex landed a dream promotion, then picked a fight with the boss within a month. Gone. And whose fault was it? Hers, apparently. Right?
No matter what it is, the tide comes in, and flows back out leaving success slipping away all over again. Of course, they'll blame everybody else. They will never admit to being in the wrong, but that's the way it always goes with these people.
7. They Change The Course Of Their History Enough To Incite Doubt
If you spend enough time around narcissists over a period of time, you'll notice their stories start to change and shift.
What they said last week will not be the case this week, and the narcissist will struggle to get their story straight because it'll be a case of, "Oops, what lie did I tell today?"
Survivors of narcissistic abuse wait a long time to see these stories start to crumble, because at least, it proves their accounts right.
I had a client whose narcissistic mother told three different versions of the same family event at one dinner. Her aunt finally just put her fork down and stared. Game over.
Trust me though; people will notice, and they will talk amongst themselves. Never underestimate the power of the truth.
8. They Run Out Of What They Deem The Most Special Thing
And what am I referring to? Time! It all takes years to build a narcissistic empire, and to make themselves look untouchable and above everybody else. The twenties look good, the thirties are established, the forties are thriving.
I had a client tell me her father, now in his seventies, sits alone most evenings wondering why nobody calls. He still can't connect the dots. Of course he can't.
Then what? As age hits, the charm is less effective. The audience becomes smaller, and time will not care that they're wearing a mask because that bad boy will slip off as much as it needs to.
What a way to ruin a lifetime of what could've been so peaceful and loving.
9. Mirrors? No Thank You!
Have you ever watched a narcissist actually sit with themselves? Like, really sit? In silence, no phone, no audience, no mirror to perform into?
You won't. Because they can't.
Self reflection is the one thing that would actually save them, and it's the exact thing they refuse to do. Looking inward means seeing all the damage, all the lies, all the people they've hurt.
And nobody wants to face that, least of all somebody who has spent decades convincing themselves they're the good guy.
So what do they do instead? They keep moving. New people, new drama, new distractions. Anything to avoid the quiet moment where they'd have to ask, "Am I the problem here?"
And this is sabotage in its purest form. Because growth lives in that mirror. Change lives in that mirror. Every healthy person you've ever met got there by looking honestly at themselves and going, "Yeah, okay, I need to work on that."
The narcissist? They'd rather burn the whole house down than glance at their own reflection.
10. They Burn Bridges They'll Need Later
You ever watch somebody set fire to a perfectly good connection just because they could? That's the narcissist for you.
See also 8 Ways To Ruin A Narcissist's Life Without Breaking A SweatThe boss who once put in a good word for them? Trashed, because they wouldn't promote them fast enough. The friend who let them crash on their sofa during a rough patch? Ghosted, the second they didn't need anything. Family members who actually stood by them?
Cut off over something petty, something most people would let slide.
And here's the thing. Life is long. People come back around. That boss ends up at another company you want to work for. That friend becomes someone everybody knows and respects. Family is, well, family.
The narcissist doesn't think about any of that. They torch the bridge while they're standing on it, and then act shocked when they can't get to the other side later.
I've lost count of how many times I've heard, "They reached out after ten years like nothing happened." Yeah. Because suddenly, they need something again.
Funny how that works, isn't it?
