Nobody expects perfection when they meet somebody, but we should expect decency.
Unfortunately, that's a concept lost on narcissists, and when you meet a toxic guy who never learns to treat you right, you're faced with what really happens…
…You get completely humiliated by the failure of these 5 etiquettes totally ignored by them.
Not just once, but time and time again, as their attitude dictates how they act publicly around you.
And let me say, these are so basic. Then again, these are narcissists we're dealing with here.
#1 How to speak to her kindly in front of others
I know, I really am reaching into the foundations of healthy relationships here.
Men who are emotionally sound will naturally do this, and they don't even need to be told or taught to do it.
There's no way on earth a healthy man would degrade his partner in front of other people.
There would be no loud correction, and she isn't the butt of your jokes.
Nights out surrounded by friends or family isn't a problem for these people because it all runs smoothly, there are no gasp moments, and everyone leaves smiling and feeling good.
Oh, don't listen to her, she's always acting like this. The 'eye roll.' The snigger when she says something. The sigh of boredom as she talks.
After the night's out, you then go home, and you feel something in the pit of your stomach that you can't quite explain.
It's small, but it's not insignificant. It becomes familiar, as it happens again, then again.
You want to know what that is? It's the growing feeling of humiliation every time you go out with him.
He's responsible for that, not you.
#2 Making sure she's introduced properly
If you have been with a narcissistic man, you'll know what it's like to enter a room with them.
You already feel like you're walking in their shadow, and that's made to feel so much worse the moment you see people you've never met before.
As introductions go, there's no warmth and no kind word shared about you.
You know, it wouldn't even surprise me if there was no introduction at all; that's how narcissists like to roll.
If they're bigging you up, then it isn't about them, which is their worst nightmare.
You might find the most humiliating aspect is that your toxic man is talking to everybody else, and acting as if you aren't even there at all.
He would rather let you stand in silence than put you forward for a little attention, and you're only introduced if prompted by somebody who can see how awkwardly you're standing.
Right there in that moment, is how small a narcissist wants to make you feel.
With his impossible desire to keep all attention diverted to him, he'd rather leave you alone and forget about you.
Would you call that etiquette?!
You go out hoping to make some kind of impact, and you were invited. It wasn't even as if you begged to go, and suddenly you're there like some kind of invisible presence, and you've never mattered less.
I hate to say it, but this is the norm if you're dating a narcissist. They will never treat you with the respect you want and deserve.
#3 Thinking about the little things
I feel like this is a really good opportunity to validate you, because when I say little things, I mean those things nobody else would even think about spotting unless you've been with a narcissist.
Your drink order. What you're allergic to. The name of your best friend. The important appointment you mentioned last weekend. The book you're reading. When you told him you were feeling a little sick yesterday.
It's okay if a man can't remember everything, but when prompted, a healthy one would be a little dignified in his response. "I am so sorry, please tell me how your appointment went." "Remind me what drink you'd like, please?"
There's no cover in narcissism like this. In fact, he wouldn't even pretend to remember what you need, or what your life is filled with.
There's just this mild to moderate irritation at the expectation to remember, and he may even pass it off as some kind of smarmy joke.
That smile? The sigh? That's what damages you. Thinking about you and remembering is what requires him to put you first sometimes, and prioritize what's going on with you.
This is precisely what he's unable, and unwilling, to do.
#4 Making sure he thanks her with no condition needed
Ordinary things are shown gratitude by healthy men who know how to be in a relationship.
They express how much they are thankful for what you do, even if you put on a load of laundry and beat them to it.
Maybe you grabbed dinner on the way home because you knew what a stressful, long day he had, and you saved them the added task.
There are no "buts" with this kind of man.
A narcissistic man might thank you, but it will always be followed up with the pin in the balloon.
Thanks, but next time, can you… Thanks for giving it a go, but it's just too spicy. I appreciate what you did, even though you…
A thank you can never just be a thank you, and as you initially smile and feel pleased you pleased them, that soon disappears when they relay their condition afterward.
It's humiliating, not least because those small conditions and buts add up over time.
Soon enough with a narcissistic man, you stop expecting to feel appreciated because you know it never really comes.
Instead of feeling that gratitude, you're humiliated into feeling as though you're constantly being corrected at every opportunity.
It hurts, and it's a form of etiquette you should never wait to see change, because it never will.
#5 Keeping a gentle tone when she's upset
Is this not the most basic way to be polite and show some manners?
Think about all those moments you've been upset, and you've had to endure the anger, discontent, or frustration of that narcissistic man who has no sympathy whatsoever.
You'd think they'd learn to be gentle with you when you're feeling so low and vulnerable, yet it's absolutely impossible for them to meet you there.
Instead, it's:
The rolling of the eyes The smirk The raise of their voice
Your stress becomes an inconvenience to them. It's irritating that you're so sad, and every time you worry about something, the narcissist acts like they're so tired and fed up of having to listen to it.
To be upset in front of somebody you know, love and trust is at least made a little better when they react gently, but when they don't? It makes you wonder why you bother at all.
The worst aspect of this is knowing that you can't use it as evidence as to why you're abused, as people would just laugh at you.
Nobody understands unless you've been there, and experienced it for yourself.
