It's a fact that a bank statement never lies, so when you find yourself face to face with one that belongs to a narcissist, it will tell you everything you need to know about them, and more.
No transactions are made on purpose, and it is common for narcissists to prove they're fraudulent when it comes to money and how they deal with it.
I've seen statements where every single line tells a story the narcissist swore wasn't happening. And the partner sitting next to me? Usually paying for half of it without knowing.
No conscience, no care, and certainly no assumption they will ever get caught. Here are the money frauds they almost always commit.
1 The unexplained withdrawals
Although you have a joint account, I think it's fair to say that a narcissist will assume all the money to be theirs and theirs alone. As you scan through the statement, you find there have been a high number of withdrawals that you cannot tie the money to.
At least with transactions you can see where the money was spent. Cash? Forget it. It's gone forever, and you'll never see the receipts.
These withdrawals have taken place in a town the narcissist says they've never been to, yet they seem unbothered when presented with the fact that it happened.
I had a client once who found three hundred dollars cash gone in a week. When she asked, he said, "You've lost the plot, it's our money, calm down." Classic deflection, right?
This raises serious questions about their honesty, and why the money went. Notice the face shift, though. As you ask about where the money went, the narcissist's eyes will widen as if you've asked them something scary. Are you spying on me now?
What are you accusing me of this time? They know, and so do you. The question is, how long are you going to tolerate it before you finally tell them you've had enough?
2 The loan you actually never applied for
I feel as though this is the one that breaks survivors of narcissistic abuse the most. Knowing that you've got a letter through the mail, and you open it up to see that it's a loan you've never heard of.
Not only that; it's maxed out and been used in its entirety. You're screwed. The narcissist must have signed it, because you know you didn't. Oh yeah, I was going to tell you.
I had a woman come to me sobbing because she'd just found three loans in her name, all maxed, all his. She didn't even know her own signature could be forged that well.
I knew you wouldn't mind. It's fine, I can pay it off with you and help. What?! You were not consulted, and now you've been roped into paying or something that you didn't consent to, and would've objected to had you actually been asked.
When a debt is in your name, your credit score will be hugely affected. Narcissists usually have bad credit, which is why they rely on your good financial reputation so they can take advantage of you.
3 The inheritance that seems to be disappearing
Sadly, you lost a grandparent a few years back, but she left you with a comfortable amount of inheritance that you've saved for something meaningful. As you look in the accounts, you notice the inheritance has started to have been spent, and by the day is indeed disappearing.
How is this possible? This wasn't you. The only person likely to be responsible is…
…The narcissist. The decision as a couple you made to keep that money safe went out the window the moment their ego became attached and mesmerized by the high amount of money that your balance read.
One client of mine watched ten grand vanish in three months. When she asked, he said, "You said I could use it." She had never said that. Not once. Sound familiar?
See also The Creepy Things Narcissists Do When They Are AloneYeah, I told you I was going to spend some. You're so forgetful. I did it for us. Don't believe the lies and excuses. That money was spent without your knowledge. They know it, and so do you.
The problem lies with how little they think of you and the money you deemed special and not to be touched.
4 The business that solely exists on paper
You've got to laugh at narcissists when they set a small company up. They think every silly idea they have will work, but the laughing soon stops a few years after you sign up as director simply because they asked you too, and you trusted them.
The laughter stops because even though you were told it was 'just for tax reasons,' you've now landed a hefty tax bill, and you owe debts you didn't even know existed.
The expenses have racked up, and you can't fathom how such a small company has managed to do it, yet it has, and only one person is responsible. Money is never simple and honest with a narcissist.
I had a client whose ex set her up as director of three companies in eighteen months. "It's just admin, babe." Three years later, she owed forty grand she never spent.
Each dollar acts like this piece in a game that moves, and you win or lose because of it. If you let them, they will max out everything you have agreed to be a part of, and leave you footing the bill at the end of it.
Don't trust anybody who smiles cutely and tells you that they've got it all under control. They don't. And it will be you who suffers.
5 Cash in hand jobs
This is far more common than you think, especially with narcissists who are skilled at something they can go round and help others fix. Friends, family; they will all be a part of it, and will just be happy they know somebody who can help them.
$50 here, $100 there; it all adds up, and the taxman won't know a thing about it because it's being handed over with no record or proof that the job was even carried out.
And try asking them about it. "What, you want me to declare every little favor I do for people? Get a grip." The defensiveness alone tells you everything, doesn't it?
Narcissists love to take advantage of both people in their hour of need, plus taking whatever cash they can get their toxic hands on. Neither is cool, but we're talking about narcissists here. They will never be cool.
6 Bank accounts opened in another name
This one is as dark as all the rest, but with a twist of involving an innocent person who was likely coerced into helping the narcissist and possibly paid to do so.
Setting up an account in their name spells trouble, and for the narcissist that's the kind of trouble they can stomach if it means saving money away from the joint assets they officially and legally share with you.
I had a client find out her brother in law had three accounts in his name, all run by her husband. The brother in law had no clue. Sound wild? It happens more than you'd think.
Someone else's name gets attached to the account, and the narcissist runs it, paying money in and burrowing it away for when they need it. And you won't be able to access a dime unless you can prove the fraud is taking place.
7 Avoiding tax until they can no longer get away with it
Tax bills stack up, and the narcissist will ignore them because they refuse to pay their way in this world. It's as if they're so obsessed with what they earn and are so egotistical that they feel exempt from paying a thing.
That won't last long, because your choices in this world are to pay up, or get banged up.
I had a client whose narcissistic ex genuinely told the tax office, "Do you know who I am?" Spoiler, they didn't care, and the bill kept growing.
A narcissist will reluctantly pay eventually, but will make a song and dance about it, as if they're the only ones having to cough up, but far from it.
We do pay out a lot in tax, but we aren't given a choice in the matter, and that loss of control and injustice is what can drive a narcissist to refuse to acknowledge they owe the tax man money.
Well, they're in for a rough ride unless they do what they have to do.
8 The Credit Card You Didn't Know Existed
Picture this. You're sorting through the mail and there's a letter addressed to you from a bank you've never used. You open it. It's a statement. There's a balance. There's your name. And there's a number that makes your stomach drop.
You never opened that card. They did.
I hear this one a lot, and it never stops shocking me. Narcissists will happily apply for credit in your name because, well, why wouldn't they? You trust them. They've got your social, your date of birth, probably your signature memorized at this point.
And the kicker? They'll spend on it freely, miss payments, trash your credit score, and leave you with the cleanup. When you confront them, expect something like, "I was going to tell you," or, "It's our money anyway, what's the big deal?"
The big deal is that it's fraud. Actual, legal, get-the-authorities-involved fraud.
Check your credit report. Do it today. I mean it. You might find a whole little financial life you didn't know you were living.
9 Hiding Money Before The Split
You know that gut feeling you get when something is off? Trust it.
Months before they ever utter the word "split," the narcissist is already moving money around like a magician shuffling cards. Small withdrawals here. A "loan" to a friend over there. Cash transferred into an account you've never seen.
I've had clients tell me, "Alexander, I had no idea our savings were almost empty until I checked." My heart sinks every time, because by then, it's already done.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseThey'll stash cash in safety deposit boxes. Buy expensive items and claim they were gifts. Suddenly their business isn't doing as well, funny that, right when divorce is on the horizon.
And if you question it? "You're being paranoid. I'm trying to keep us afloat."
Sound familiar?
The thing is, narcissists plan. They don't wake up one day and decide to leave. They've been preparing for months, maybe years, while you were busy actually loving them.
Check the accounts. Check them now. Don't wait until you're standing there wondering where it all went.
