If you live with a narcissist, I want you to know that there's money all over your house in some way that you don't know about. Sure, it can be cash, or it can be even more secretive than that.
I had a woman tell me she found receipts in a shoebox at the back of the garage, and it turned out he'd been squirrelling away thousands for years. Thousands!
Narcissists are so sneaky, and they'll do what it takes to hide their set up and save up behind your back. Even if you're family, you will still be kept from your finances, and trust me, at times, you'll be shocked at what you're missing.
Right now, I can show you the ways they hide that cash.
1 They squirrel money away in a second account you know nothing about
We start that shock with the most likely, and that is a current account set up only in the narcissist's name. This is especially the case if you live together but aren't married, as they will know they cannot share their assets with you upon separation.
For years now, you will have been living with someone who has a secret account they've been squirreling money away into, and that amount has added up nicely for them.
I had a client discover her husband had eleven grand tucked away while she was skipping groceries to make rent. Eleven grand! And he still let her cry over the bills.
As your salaries go into that joint account, you assume that's all there is, but you're mistaken. If you look closely at your statement, you'll see various cash withdrawals.
Small, yet frequent ones taken out that you assume to be normal, but that money has been transferred to a place you can't touch; a place that's gaining interest. The narcissist is loaded, while you're struggling from check to check.
2 The loan within the family that was anything but
The loan to the narcissist's brother for several grand may have been painted as a good idea at the time.
They will pay me back. They really needed help. Don't worry about it.
But you do worry, because that money belonged to you, too. Now you're without, and your narcissistic spouse is acting as though it's no big deal.
That money will never be seen by you again, and there will be a few reasons why that is. The first is that the brother never paid the narcissist back because they were told not to worry about it.
Or they did (in cash), and you are not aware of it.
That will be an actively purposeful way of keeping money from you, so you think it got forgotten, but the narcissist has it in their pocket and it will be kept all for themselves, like it's free money.
3 The cash-only business
Whether a side hustle or their main source of income, a narcissist will definitely be taking jobs for cash in hand. They know there's no trail back to the tax man, so they keep the money for themselves without declaring it. It's their dream!
They do a little work here and there, and the people they do it for will not receive an invoice, and no money will be evidential in the account.
I had a client whose husband did handyman work every weekend for cash. She only found out when a neighbor said, "Tell him thanks for the deck job." Thousands of dollars, hidden in plain sight.
Again, the narcissist thinks it's free money, and they're satisfied with holding it back from their official bookkeeping files. They've got more money than you, and you won't know a thing about it. For the narcissist, that's perfect. That's what they love. What's theirs is only partially yours.
4 Everything you never check, from old pensions to premium bonds
Why would you check any of these? You love the narcissist right? A pension from a job they had twenty years ago isn't going to jump out of you and make itself known, so why bother looking for it when you assume the narcissist is being open with you?
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseNarcissists are never open books, they hide and keep so much from their spouses. Over the years, that pension, that crypto money; whatever it is, will fatten out and become a pot of gold you are blissfully unaware of.
I had a client discover a whole share portfolio her husband had been quietly building since before they even met. Her name? Nowhere on it. Convenient, isn't it?
Oh yeah, that little pension. That little pension? It's worth 50k! You might get lucky if you are married and end up divorced because lawyers will dig all of this up for the ultimate reveal. Until then, you're stuck never knowing.
5 Cash lying around the house
I wonder if you've ever found $100 in a tin somewhere around your house. You know you didn't put it there, yet it's there anyway.
That's just one tin in one spot; there are many of those scattered all over your house that you don't know about, and it will all add up to possibly thousands. The narcissist put the money there.
A client of mine found rolls of cash taped behind picture frames after her ex left. Behind the family photos. Isn't that just the sickest little detail?
They will lie and say it's for a rainy day or something, but in truth, they know exactly how much is where. In a long term relationship, this money will be enough to run away with.
Consider it to be similar to a start up fund, that no court, or you, will ever see. So, while you're struggling and wondering how this month's gas bill is going to be paid, the narcissist has all this money lying around that they're not giving you access to.
I'd say that was a huge issue, wouldn't you?
6 Taking more jobs or hours than they let on
This is especially important if you're dealing with someone who spends a lot of time away from the daily dynamic, holed up in the garage or their office, and you assume they're doing paperwork. What's really going on is they're taking on extra work and not telling you about it.
I had a client whose husband claimed he was working 40 hours a week. Turned out it was closer to 55, and that extra fifteen was going straight into an account she'd never seen.
Separate bank accounts reveal nothing to the other person, and for all you know, the narcissist could be working an extra five hours per week and bringing home money you did not even know existed.
Just something to think about, even more so if the narcissist is constantly busy or never giving you the time they used to or should be.
7 Raising business prices without informing you
Similarly to the above point, a narcissist can easily raise their business prices without having that conversation with you.
An extra twenty on every job they do means they are bringing home a great deal more overall than they did last month or last year, and you have absolutely no idea.
I had a client whose husband quietly bumped his hourly rate by fifteen dollars and pocketed the difference for two years. Two years! She only found out when a customer mentioned it.
That adds up to so much, and if you're not seeing it, you're not going to be a part of it. The narcissist will make sure that they keep their finances, their business, and hold back on telling anyone at all.
The signs will be there though, including an increase in their spending habits, so look out for this.
8 Inheritance kept quiet
Their great aunt passed away, and the narcissist was included in her inheritance. The money goes straight into their bank, and they daydream about what they're going to do with it.
I had a client tell me the narcissist opened a whole new account she didn't know existed just to funnel the inheritance into it. She only found out two years later.
None of those daydreams include you, in fact, the narcissist is seeing it as a final way out from you and family life.
Keeping this kind of money a secret is hard for a narcissist who has a family, but they will find ways to keep the news away from you in the hope you don't start asking questions or making suggestions on how to spend it.
The narcissist will love having the money, and will not want you touching it.
9 The Fake Debt That Somehow Never Gets Paid Off
You know the one. That mysterious debt they've been "paying off" for years. A loan from an old friend, a tax bill that keeps rearing its head, money owed to a cousin nobody has ever actually met.
Every month, a chunk of money leaves the account. Where does it go? Well, apparently to clear this endless debt. Only, the balance never shrinks. Funny that.
I had a client once who was told for six years that her husband was paying back his brother for a business loan. Six years! Turns out the brother didn't know a thing about it. The money was sitting in a separate account the whole time.
The fake debt is genius, in a horrible way. It explains why there's never quite enough for the family holiday. It explains why you can't upgrade the car. It explains the tight budget, the "we just can't afford it right now," the little sighs when you ask about savings.
Meanwhile, they're quietly building their escape fund. And you're the one clipping coupons.
10 Gifts To Friends That Are Really Just Storage
You know that 'generous' streak they suddenly develop? The Rolex handed to their old college buddy. The vintage bike gifted to their brother. The "just holding onto it for me" chunk of savings sitting cosily in their best friend's account.
Yeah. It's not generosity. It's storage.
I had a client tell me her husband gave his mate a $12,000 watch for his birthday. Twelve grand! For a birthday! She thought he'd lost his mind. Turns out he hadn't lost anything.
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsHe knew exactly where that watch was, and he knew he could ask for it back the second the divorce was finalized.
Sneaky, isn't it?
Narcissists use trusted friends and family as human safety deposit boxes. On paper, they own nothing. In reality, their assets are scattered across a network of people who will hand it all back once the coast is clear.
And the worst part? These friends usually know. They're in on it. They're part of the game.
So if you notice a sudden wave of 'gifting' happening around the time things get shaky, pay attention.
