Whenever a narcissist ages, it will awaken something very confusing inside you. Witnessing them get older isn't necessarily satisfying, nor is it sad. In fact, I'd go as far to say it's way more complex than that.
A client said to me last month, "Alexander, he looks tired now. Smaller somehow." And she didn't say it with glee. She said it almost like she felt sorry for him.
Something starts to shift, and if you have spent a lot of time in their egotistical orbit, you will be able to feel that shift before you can even name it.
Underneath that control and manipulation, you will be able to understand how narcissism truly works the more you watch their mask be harder to hold, and far easier to slip. Here's what narcissists hate most about getting older.
1 They find it harder to get their supply
When all narcissists rely on attention, admiration, your emotional reaction and sheer fear for fuel, they know it will mask the fact that they actually have nothing but emptiness behind it all.
That truth is hidden, and they find it comforting to know that so much is going on to hide it all. Youth helps all of this. Naturally, people are more switched on.
Charm and love-bombing tend to work more effectively because there's this natural gravitas to somebody younger and more vibrant. That's not to say older people lose their spark, but narcissistic people tend to. Narcissists who are aging suffer with the fact that their getting older completes things.
I had a client tell me her narcissistic mother used to wail, "Nobody calls me anymore!" Well, yeah. Everyone finally clocked the act. Time really does tell on them, doesn't it?
Their tactics start to be more and more recycled, and people are quick to see through that as age goes firmly against them. Supply then becomes something a narcissist can't obtain as naturally as they once used to.
Your reactions, your tears, your pain, your begging for attention that they never give back. Any narcissist craves this; it's what feeds them. Older age proves how difficult it is to both get it, and have it be enough.
After all, we all know just how bad narcissists act the older they get…
…This is why! Part of finding it difficult to get their supply is because the older they get, the more likely it is that people will start to see through them, too. It gives people more time, and that time really can work against them, rather than in their favor.
2 Their body goes against their image
For as long as the narcissist will have remembered, their body was the main focal point of their entire image. Everything revolved around it, from how they project their superiority and dominance, to how they were able to express themselves through it.
Strength, suppleness, youth, flexibility and a core power that does naturally dissolve with time, the narcissist will have had it all, and worked everything around it.
Aging I think is beautiful, but the narcissist will disagree, and think that with each passing year, they lose that little bit more about themselves that made that made so strong and believable.
That's where I want to put your attention right now, because so many people bypass it and don't understand what a crucial part of the narcissist struggles with…
…Shame. Shame that they're getting older. It isn't something to be celebrated, rather the opposite, in fact.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseI had a client tell me her narcissistic mother spent three hours getting ready for a coffee date, then cancelled because the lighting in the cafe was 'too cruel.' Imagine living like that.
Age diminishes people, and that's a societal fact, as much as I wish it were different. You start to become invisible as you get older, and I am all for fighting against that, but a narcissist only sees it as themselves becoming more ordinary. They feel diminished by time.
They work to fight against it, but you can't fight time, right? For only so much time, you can have what you want. Eventually, we all have to give up what we love, and for a narcissist, that's the hardest part of all.
Narcissists love being young, and yet when they see themselves in the mirror, they see someone who cannot argue with the natural progression of the body and mind.
3 Those two together equate to an old, bitter narcissist
Everything that you read about narcissists is true. Everything you experience is real, and that will get worse as they get older. The shift you see goes like this:
A strong, young and confident narcissist ends up being old, alone, nasty and bitter. The struggle many people have with this when they watch the narcissist they know age, is that guilt and pity comes into the arena. They feel guilty.
Should they be doing more to help the aging narcissist? It's clear they're no longer able to do so many of the things they used to do, and this overwhelming responsibility rears its ugly head.
Let me tell you, that guilt and responsibility rises because the narcissist is desperate to claw in some supply from you, and they will do that by acting and playing on their age and growing inability to do half the things they once could do with ease.
I had a client whose mother suddenly couldn't open jars, couldn't reach the top shelf, couldn't remember appointments. Funny how the helplessness only switched on when my client was in the room. Sound familiar?
They tie in the fact that they can't manage with their ailing image, and look to you for answers. How far will you go to make them comfortable? How much of your own life will you drop in order to be there and show up for them?
How much sympathy and attention can derive from it all? Let me tell you, it's not going to make the slightest bit of difference. The narcissist will know they've got you where they want you, and will use you in the same way they always did.
What they hate is that underneath it all, age is the factor in all of this that's making them have to change how they manipulate.
Not being as strong as they once were is a sting for them, but they do what they can to still get what they want from the people they've been used to controlling all their lives.
4 They cannot escape this truth
Have you ever tried watching any human being on earth escape aging? I know full well there are untold amounts of people trying to stay young. They take their supplements and eat so strictly that they think it's rewinding time, but in truth, it's not. You can't go back.
You can't freeze a moment and keep it that way forever. We all age, and ultimately, we all have to face it. In fact, I'd go as far as saying it's actually a gift to age, as many don't get that opportunity.
Avoiding that reality will only set to harm you, but narcissists need to realize at this point they're just like everybody else, and to admit that is a real problem for them in itself.
I had a client tell me her mother spent thousands on creams and procedures, then sobbed in her car because the mirror still told the truth. Sound familiar?
"I don't want to be like everybody else! I'm better than they are!"
No you're not. You're the same, and you age the same. Admitting that is painful. So, with that process comes reflection in their life. Everything they failed to do, the people they lost, the legacy they're leaving behind, their reputation that has gone through the decades.
Their behavior becomes about what's really going on, their toxicity. It has nothing to do with you or your worth. So, as the narcissist gets older and they turn into more hateful and bitter versions of themselves, know this; they're just like you and me, and they always were.
5 The Mirror Becomes the Enemy
There was a time the mirror was their best friend, wasn't there? They could stand there for hours, admiring, posing, fixing this and tweaking that.
Now? The mirror tells the truth, and they hate truth-tellers.
Every line, every grey hair, every little sag becomes a personal attack. I've had clients tell me their narcissistic mother would smash mirrors after a bad lighting moment. Smash them! Over a reflection!
And the spending. Oh, the spending. Creams, fillers, procedures, whatever the latest thing is, they're on it. Not because they want to feel good, but because they cannot bear to see themselves slipping.
You'll catch them avoiding photos too. Or worse, going through your phone deleting any that don't flatter them. Familiar?
The mirror used to confirm what they wanted to believe about themselves. That they were special, beautiful, untouchable. Now it's just a daily reminder that time doesn't care who you are or how much you've intimidated others.
Time wins. Every single time. And the mirror is right there, keeping score.
6 Younger People Stop Buying the Act
There was a time when the narcissist could walk into a room and have the younger crowd hanging on every word. The stories, the swagger, the "back in my day" speeches. People used to nod along, didn't they?
Not anymore.
See also THIS is What Makes NarcissistsYounger people today are switched on in a way previous generations weren't. They've grown up with the language for this stuff. They know what gaslighting is. They know what love bombing looks like. They've seen the TikToks, read the threads, had the conversations.
So when the aging narcissist tries to pull rank, or tell some grand tale, or belittle them for being "too soft", the response isn't admiration. It's a raised eyebrow. A polite smile. Maybe even a quiet, "Okay, boomer."
Ouch.
And the narcissist feels it. They feel the room shift. They feel themselves becoming the cringey one, the one being humored rather than respected.
That's a brutal pill for someone whose entire identity is built on being admired. Suddenly the audience they always relied on is reading them like a book.
