A narcissist loves to use, abuse, and throw their coldness around like it’s free money.
The second money enters the picture? The narcissist couldn’t be sweeter! They transform quicker than you can blink, and their charm goes from zero to one hundred.
Why?
Because there’s something in it for them!
I know you can attest to this, because I see all your messages telling me so, and that’s where I want to go today.
Let’s discuss the considerate, attentive narcissist who is not far from money. I want to dig up all the reasons why they claim to be so sweet, all because money has motivated them to do so.
Money absolutely changes the narcissist’s behavior, and I honestly think it’s the only thing that can.
1"Oh wait, I think I should be nice now money is involved!"
I always find it interesting to read your experiences of how cruel the narcissists you know can be until it comes to money. Suddenly, they’re charming, thoughtful, warm and welcoming people, but that’s nothing to do with you.
You tolerate so much abuse; you try to get them to communicate with you in ways that don’t hurt you, and you’ve apologized a thousand times for things you haven’t even done, yet nothing.
As soon as money comes into the frame, everything changes. It could be that the narcissist needs your financial support, like a bill that needs paying. Maybe they lost their job, or have had to take a huge cut in their wages.
Suddenly, those arguments have gotten less and less, and the nice gestures and compliments are surfacing for the first time in forever.
Narcissists only want you when they want something from you.
I can’t stress that enough, and all the while they have a happy life with money flowing, they will treat you how they feel like it.
See alsoYou Deserve Answers to These 12 Questions. The Narcissist Will Never Give Them.
Then they need you, and they know they need to approach you with equal measures of caution and kindness.
Changed behavior is never down to self-reflection; it’s down to motives.
If they go back to the person they were before as soon as they get what they want, then you have your answer.
2If there's something to gain, you'll see more cooperation
Where there’s money, there’s always something for the narcissist to gain, right? That’s why they love it so much. For them, money is a sign of success, and having none shows the world that something terrible went wrong for them to be without.
A narcissist will not hesitate in disagreeing with you under normal circumstances. They will push you to your limits, making sure that you know they disapprove of everything you say or do.
See also5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House
The minute you have money, or something financial they can gain from, they will agree with you and allow you that floor space to say what’s on your mind without contesting you.
Financial benefits are worth sacrificing their control over you for a little while, and that’s what they will reshuffle in their list of priorities.
Isn’t it funny how some money can bring on a whole new different attitude toward people? This is all part of their manipulation, which, make no mistake, will soon revert to normal once that money has gone.
Until then, expect more agreeing, more buttering, and more receptive moods.
3Reputation is something the narcissist wants to protect if their income depends on it
A narcissist is one of those people who care greatly about how the outside world perceives them, and with money, this is even more so.
They love to be seen as generous, intelligent, respectable, and all of that builds into the best kind of reputation there is.
With a narcissist, their public image matters more than how they treat people behind closed doors.
This can mean they are so careful who they choose to be around, and where they see financial opportunities. They want to make the most out of every possible interaction, and so there is a strong theme of, “I behave around the people I need to behave around.”
See alsoWhy Letting a Narcissist Win Small Battles on Purpose Might Be Your Smartest Move Yet
As a result, a narcissist can charm the daylight out of potential clients, and show the public how generous they are, such as sponsoring the local football team, or helping the community network through their business.
People really do fall for it, too. They love seeing someone thrive, and assume it’s because they’re a good, successful person.
Behind closed doors, the narcissist will belittle, criticize, be cold and cruel to whoever they live with because they need that outlet.
They don’t care about dismissing anyone’s feelings if there’s nothing in it for them to gain.
4Generous? Only if it benefits the narcissist
You feel as though the narcissist has been generous to you, but wait. What’s that niggling feeling at the bottom of your stomach?
That’s the feeling that you feel as though you’ve just entered some kind of contract, and not like you’ve genuinely received a gift.
A client told me last week that her own narcissistic father wanted to help her move into her new house. Instead of offering time to support her, he threw money at her. A lot of people may find that wonderful and generous, but it came with a catch, like it always does.
“I gave you all that money, the least you could do is be nice.” “This is what you chose to buy?!” “I do all this for you. I could’ve chosen to not give you a penny, you know.”
Right, we hear you loud and clear.
You should be grateful, but you know that money, like anything you receive from them, will be raised in a future argument.
That’s right.
All along the money was a weapon.
5Boundaries are suddenly respected if there are financial consequences
Oh wait, you mean the narcissist is suddenly respectful of your boundaries because they know there’s something to financially gain from it if they do?
See also5 Signs You Are Healing After Narcissistic Abuse, But It May Look Like You Are Falling Apart
I am beyond shocked (not!).
Of course, this is typical narcissistic behavior, and they are one of the worst people to commit this crime of morals.
They stand by your choices, respect you, allow you to win whatever it is they feel they’re battling you with, all because there’s a jackpot to be had.
You tell the narcissist you won’t tolerate bad language or insults, and they agree.
They don’t care what they’re agreeing to. They just see the dollar signs.
You’re the one surprised at the end when they walk off with the money and treat you like garbage all over again.
6A narcissist's behavior completely changes the second losing it becomes a genuine possibility
Narcissists need money because it blows up their status and image in all the best ways. Without it, they’re a regular Joe with a regular house and car.
If someone wants to change, they will do anything to make that happen.
See alsoTHIS is What Makes Narcissists
Is this something you can live with, honestly? You stay because you’re waiting for a miracle that will never happen, and you get fragments of hope when you see this person around any money, but it has nothing to do with anything other than that…
…Money.
Money will never be able to buy genuine empathy though, will it? It doesn’t buy kindness, or support, or honesty.
If there is a financial reward to be had, the narcissist will seek whatever they need if it means they get it.
The big lesson here is that their incentive isn’t a permanent solution to the change in behavior that you’re hoping for.
