All empaths eventually become a target for the narcissist. They can smell empathy a mile away, no different from a shark smelling blood in open waters. Every time, both the narcissist and shark swim toward it, ready to attack.
I want to tell you all about one type of empath though. This empath stops the narcissist cold in their tracks, and they will never be able to break beyond those kind, warm notes that are on another level.
This type of empath has learned a valuable lesson the others are yet to face.
I had a client tell me once, "I stopped explaining myself, and suddenly he had nothing to grab onto." That was the moment everything shifted for her.
Let's get into it.
1 Not all empaths are the same
It's widely mistaken that all empaths are the same, and I want to really drum it into you today that they're not. They differ big time. Empaths can either:
Build a wall between someone's pain, or absorb it. Essentially, what I mean is, as an empath, you can learn the art of hearing someone's pain and understanding it, without taking it on as your own.
That doesn't mean you don't care as much, it simply means you can differentiate between what someone else is feeling, and how it affects you. An empath feels deeply, but they also give freely, too.
They forgive faster than anyone else I know, because they're so intent on everything being okay and seeing the good in others. That's made more prominent in a person as the narcissist responds with statements like:
I knew you'd understand. You just get me. I love that about you. It's the hook, right? That's what makes a narcissist need an empath, and an empath feel as though they have a purpose with a narcissist.
I had someone tell me recently, "I thought I was the only one who could really see him." That's the trap. They plant that belief early, and you carry it.
It makes total sense, and that's where they get you. Now for the type of empath that no narcissist is ever able to break. With what you know, where can the empath go now?
2 The difference? Well, that's easy…
Picture the kind of empath that has been broken before. Perhaps their kind nature has been dragged through the mud more than once, more than twice, and they're still here to tell the story.
They've been to hell and back with various toxic people, being love-bombed, and experienced that withdrawal a narcissist is so good at giving when they feel like it. They've been blamed, shamed, criticized and isolated.
They've heard, "You're crazy, nobody else sees what you see," so many times they could recite it in their sleep. And still, somehow, they kept showing up.
Now? Now they've woken up. This is the kind of empath that feels everything just the same as any other, only they're no longer willing to confuse someone else's drama and chaos as their own responsibility to fix.
They step away from it, not wanting to be handed it, be accountable for it, or want to make any situation better by constantly and tirelessly smoothing over them in the hope for peace.
3 The playbook has been read and studied
Usually, this is standard practice for the narcissist saying their usual talk:
See also 7 Weaknesses Every Narcissist Has That Will Destroy Them In The EndWhy are you being so emotional? After everything I've done for you. You are such a cold person. You don't care about me at all. You're so sensitive all the time, it's exhausting. With this type of empath, none of these phrases land the way they used to.
It's as if the narcissist is performing the same old magical tricks they usually do that normally work, and are no longer going that way at all.
This will start to immediately drive them mad, and it's no wonder; the narcissist isn't liking what they have to witness now, and they're panicking internally. They want their empath to feel. They want to see emotions of anger and rage, maybe even the odd tear.
When they get nothing, they know they're dealing with an empath who has built an emotional empire based on their past. They are quiet and steady; the narcissist's biggest fear and worst nightmare.
This empath has heard every line before. They know the script backwards. When the narcissist opens their mouth, this empath is already three moves ahead, just watching.
4 Boundaries that are so strong, they're unshakable
The average empath will know what boundaries are, and will try hard to implement them. With that implementation comes a great deal of guilt, and with that comes the powering of said boundaries over time. I thought you cared about me. Oh right, so that's how you want to be?
Why are you being so mean? I didn't think you could be this cold! This is the kind of guilt the narcissist will want you to feel, and the more comments they throw your way, the more they will be able to ignite that guilt.
If you are an empath who has battled all of this before and is still around to tell the tale, you're automatically the kind of empath who sets a boundary without fail, means it, and doesn't feel even slightly bad for it. I applaud that, and so should you, too.
There's no door open for any narcissist to sneak through and take advantage of you. A bunch of flowers and an apology just won't cut it for you, and you know it.
I had a client tell me her ex showed up with roses and a written apology, and she binned both without opening the card. That's the level we're talking about.
So does the narcissist, and that's why they know they will never be able to break you.
5 Narcissists needing saved? I don't think so!
It takes a narcissist a long time to get to this point, but when they get there, everything changes for them. A narcissist will always get past the average empath with these stories of sadness and being misunderstood coming through.
They present as someone who is wounded and who needs help, and that's pretty much where all empaths feel most comfortable; wanting to be there and make a difference. Only this time, a certain kind of empath will not have the instinct to reach out and help.
An empath who has taken the time to heal from their past will see the wounds of a narcissist as superficial, and nothing more than an act to manipulate. They won't buy it, and that realization only fuels them more and more to continue down that path.
It's a trap, right? At the end of the day, that's what the narcissist sees, and that's what they act on. They walk away with a sigh and a roll of their eyes.
They mutter something like, "You've changed, you used to actually care." Yeah, she did. She cared herself right out of your reach, and she's not coming back for round two.
I've been here a million times before, and I'm not buying it ever again. You can feel compassion for someone without getting dragged into unhealthy habits, and that's exactly what a healed empath aims to do.
6 Moving on is the narcissist's only choice
The only choice they have to save their face and reputation is to just move on and try to forget they ever met a healed empath. These are extremely powerful people, and no narcissist will ever be able to break you. You've been there before.
You've dealt with the worst kinds of people, and that's got to have hurt you. Now, that's all in the past, and being that kind of empath means the narcissist has literally nothing to work with.
The old lines fall flat. "You're overreacting," "nobody else would put up with you," "you've changed." You just look at them like they're speaking a language you no longer bother translating.
There's no guilt to dig out, or insecurity to try to exploit. You don't endlessly forgive. That's exactly where you want to be. That's your finish line, and one I must congratulate you on if you're already there.
From this point on, there's no going back, and no unseeing the toxicity that's right in front of you.
7 The self-trust that changed everything
Something shifts when you finally trust your own read on a situation. For years, you second guessed every gut feeling. You'd think, "Maybe I'm overreacting," or, "Maybe they didn't mean it like that." You handed over your instincts like they were faulty.
Not anymore.
Now when something feels off, you believe yourself the first time. No committee meeting in your head. No asking five friends what they think. You just know, and you act on knowing.
And that's the thing narcissists can't stand up to. They rely on you doubting your own eyes and ears. Their whole operation runs on you saying, "Well, maybe they had a point." Once you stop doing that, the machinery just stops working.
Self trust isn't loud. It doesn't announce itself. It's just a quiet, "No, I saw what I saw," and then you move on with your day. You stop trying to build a legal case against them in your own mind. You believe you, and that's enough.
8 Why hoovering rolls right off you now
Remember when their "I miss you" text would send your whole day sideways? You'd reread it. You'd wonder. You'd draft five replies and delete four.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseThat version of you is gone.
Now the message pings, and you see it for what it is. A hook. A bit of bait dressed up as tenderness. They don't miss you, they miss what you gave them, and you can spot the difference in about three seconds flat.
You don't feel guilty for not replying. You don't feel cruel. You don't owe them a thoughtful response or a graceful exit line. Silence is a full sentence too.
And the funny thing is, hoovering used to work because you were still questioning yourself. You wondered if maybe you'd been unfair. Maybe they'd changed. Maybe, maybe, maybe.
You're done with maybe. You know what happened. You know who they are. Their little sweet nothing lands in your inbox, and you feel absolutely nothing back. That's the empath who can't be broken.
