When I'm told how narcissistic abuse affects you physically, I don't forget, I compile. This list of physical changes your body goes through when they destroy you are 9 of the most common by a large mile, and today is about going through them and explaining why that is.
I already know you are going to be able to relate to them, the question is, can you overcome them? The answer's yes; with time and patience. But first, we must address that damage they insist on doing to you, and how it shows up.
Because when you can name what's happening in your body, you stop blaming yourself for it. That alone changes everything about how you start to heal.
1 The constant knots in your stomach
Oh boy, this is a big one, and I don't want to downplay the role your gut plays in narcissistic abuse.
It's vital to listen to it, but many simply tolerate knots in the stomach every time you hear the narcissist pull up from work, open the door and slam it shut.
One client described it as her whole torso clenching before he'd even said a word. Just the sound of keys hitting the counter set her off.
You see their name on your phone as they call you, and there those knots are again. This isn't full anxiety; this is your nervous system telling you that there is something very wrong. It's screaming, "You're not safe!"
You hear it, but you don't tune into the station, and like any chronic state of stress, it will park right in your gut and fire off whenever it needs to. What does that mean for you? IBS Nausea Stomach pains Stress eating/not having an appetite
These aren't by choice. Although your doctor runs all these tests and can't find anything definitely wrong with you, they're also unaware of everything you have to tolerate at home. Your body knew what was wrong before you did. Don't ignore what it's trying to tell you any longer.
2 Sleep? What is sleep?
I know what it can feel like to lay there wide awake when you've been exhausted all day, because your mind won't switch off. You pick apart everything both you and the narcissist said during that fight, and you think, "Could I have handled it better?"
In truth, you're being forced to think those things about yourself, while the narcissist isn't reflecting one bit on their own part they played. They're certainly unaccountable, and will remain so. You recall all those things the narcissist said:
Why do you always pick fights? You seem to love this. Why are you always so sensitive? Nobody else I know has this problem with me. The words fly around your mind like dust, and they just don't seem to settle enough for you to fall asleep. Guess what?
The narcissist is sleeping next to you, and they're not worried at all.
Snoring, even. Dead to the world. Meanwhile you're staring at the ceiling running the fight back for the fifteenth time, wondering if you're the crazy one.
But hey love that you are, and that lack of sleep is destroying you.
3 Hair loss
I don't think this one is talked about nearly enough, but here's the thing:
Hair loss and narcissistic abuse is real. Any kind of prolonged emotional stress will add stress to the hair follicles, and push them into resting. Weeks or months later, you will notice how much hair you're losing to the shower drain.
A client showed me a photo once of the clump she pulled out after brushing. She hadn't been sleeping, hadn't been eating, and he kept telling her she looked tired.
See also 7 Weaknesses Every Narcissist Has That Will Destroy Them In The EndOf course, that's a horrible thing to notice and go through, but when you mention it, you hear the usual, "You're making a big deal out of nothing," or, "Everyone loses hair. You're not special" comments.
Don't convince yourself this is nothing, because there is always a reason why you're experiencing a symptom or physical change like this. Nothing is random when it comes to the body, and I know for a lot of people losing hair is enough to incite even more worry.
You aren't alone.
4 The immune system that stopped working
Immune systems are great all the while they actually work. For many reasons, they start to switch off, and one of the main ones is when the body goes through immense stress through abuse.
You feel run down constantly, and that's usually the biggest indicator that your immune system isn't firing up the way it should. Suddenly, you catch every single cold that's going around, and you take a long time to recover from each one.
No matter how much you sleep, you don't feel better. Cortisol is responsible for this. It is the stress hormone your body pumps out quickly when it senses danger, and over time it suppresses the immune system. It literally kills all the ways your body knows to stay healthy.
When you live with someone you feel in danger being around, that cortisol tap will never switch off, and remain stuck on. Not only is your body fighting living with an abuser, it's also fighting to keep well. Those are two wars that are naturally going to exhaust you.
One woman told me she had five chest infections in a year, and her doctor kept asking what was going on at home. She couldn't answer honestly.
5 The headaches that never really learn to quit
Tension, tension, tension. That's where all headaches begin, and they won't quit all the while that tension remains. It's this dull pressure that your head takes on when everything becomes too much, and who can blame it?
You try absolutely everything to stay calm and measured, but nothing really works, and I get that completely. Here's one thing that you may want to try that you haven't yet:
Getting rid of the source of your headaches! Narcissist abuse will keep your nervous system fired up for constant threat, like a low bubbling system of toxicity that you learn to tread water in.
One woman told me her head would start pounding the moment she heard his car pull into the drive. Her body knew before her brain did.
You stay in that permanent state of bracing yourself, and for what? Life won't change unless you leave. Until then, you will continue to experience those headaches.
6 Weight fluctuation, zero explanation
Up and down like a yoyo, because your body will learn that your appetite doesn't exist the way it once did. Some people experience significant weight gain under stress, as the body learns to cling onto food in order to have the energy to continue to fight.
Others will lose their appetites completely. Food can be a source of comfort in a home that is otherwise cold and cruel, and of course, that's how emotional eating is born.
Your relationship with your body will change either way, and if you dare mention it, you'll be met with laughter or mockery. You may even be teased for how you look, because that's how cruel and evil narcissists really are.
One partner I heard about would push dessert across the table and say, "Go on, one more won't kill you," then mock the same person for their jeans not fitting.
You think there's no explanation for your weight changes, but I want you to look a little closer before you make that assumption.
7 The physical fatigue that you can never name
You sleep, you know you're not lazy, yet you feel exhausted from the inside of your bones to the outside of your skin. You're worn out, and that's not from having a long day at work; it's from having to endure the abuse of a narcissist every single day.
It's not just physical energy your body needs, it also needs a level of mental energy that is absent when you are stuck in the cycle of abuse.
You spend most of every day trying to determine what mood the narcissist is in before you even open your mouth to speak. You work out what you're going to say so that it doesn't land in a way the narcissist misunderstands.
You rehearse sentences in the shower. You edit them in the car. And by the time you actually speak, you've had a whole silent argument in your head.
It's a full time job you never signed the contract to participate in.
8 Your skin is telling on them
Breakouts out of nowhere. Rashes that come and go with no clear cause. Eczema flaring on your hands, your neck, behind your knees. Dry patches that no cream seems to fix. Cold sores turning up before every visit to their parents' house.
Your skin is basically waving a flag at you. It's saying, "Something is very wrong here, and I don't know how else to tell you."
Chronic stress messes with your skin barrier. Cortisol stays high, inflammation kicks in, and suddenly your face looks like it belongs to a stressed teenager again. I've had women tell me they started getting adult acne in their forties, right around the time the relationship shifted.
And what do narcissists do with that? They comment on it. "You look tired." "What's happening with your skin lately?" As if they aren't a huge part of the reason.
Your skin knew before your brain caught up. Bodies are smart like that. They keep the receipts even when your mind is still trying to give the benefit of the doubt.
9 That racing heart isn't random
You're sitting on the couch, doing nothing in particular, and suddenly your heart is going like you just sprinted up three flights of stairs. Nothing happened. No phone call, no argument, no bad news.
Your body just knows. It knows a text could land any second. It knows they could walk through the door. It knows the mood in the house can shift on a dime, and it's bracing.
I've seen this so many times. People start googling heart conditions, booking appointments, wearing those little monitors. And most of the time, the tests come back clean. Because it isn't a heart problem. It's a nervous system that has been on watch duty for months, maybe years.
The narcissist trained your body to expect an attack at any moment. So your body obliges. It stays half ready, half wired, all the time. Even when you sleep. Even when they aren't in the room. Even when they aren't in your life anymore.
That racing heart is your body remembering what your mind is still trying to explain.
