A narcissist has a long list of demands they expect from you (whether you know it or not), and I want to talk a little bit about the one demand that tops the list:
The narcissist demands your fear of them.
They need you to flinch whenever they raise their voice, or back down every time they push you. If you are running around trying to please them, apologizing even when you've done nothing wrong, you are building their whole system for them.
Remove your fear? The entire system does not just break, it collapses.
I compiled these 5 ways to make the narcissist never mess with you again, so that your fears become non-existent.
Is it even possible to scare a narcissist?
Up until now, I'd bet you'd think it was near impossible to scare someone who has a track record of being so intimidating and cruel to you.
I want you to know that the reason I write these articles for you is to prove that narcissists aren't as strong as you think they are. Narcissists only convince you that they're tough and unbreakable, but this exterior is flimsy, and you hold the power to make it crumble whenever you want to.
When it comes to being still and fearless, the narcissist will not be able to stand you.
They know that your fears feed them, and when you create a mysterious persona where you stop reacting and hold back on your panic, they haven't got a clue what to do next.
The narcissist panics. This makes them fear you (not that this is something they'd ever admit).
So yes, scaring a narcissist can feel like nothing but a dream until you realize how easy it is, and how quickly their facade drops when you start to call the shots.
1Go as flat as you can
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What do I mean by flat?
Let me tell you about a client I had a few years ago, who decided to 'go flat,' as she described it perfectly:
"I didn't want to be rude, because I knew that'd give him a good reason to have another problem with me. I didn't want to be cold because then he would accuse me of not caring. I just stopped flinching. I stopped crying. I stopped trying to defend myself. I just said, "Okay," and let that sit and be enough. It wasn't long before I could see real fear in his eyes."
Don't you think that's the most powerful thing? The idea that if you withdraw all your energy in trying to appease the narcissist, or show them that you care, means you are handing over all your control and power over to them.
In not doing that, you are proving to yourself that you can cut your supply to them, the very supply they're sticking around for.
See also5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their House
To be flat is terrifying to the narcissist, who is reliant on your emotions and reactions in order to feel that they're the authoritative one in the relationship.
2Stop being predictable
When you walk into the narcissist's life, you're offering them every part of you on a plate without even realizing it. What I mean by that is, you are like a map to them, and they soon draw up every piece of information about you.
I once had a client who told me that she felt so safe with her narcissist initially. It was, in her words, "magical" to share her hopes and fears with someone whom she thought was truly listening.
She was right; he was listening. But he wasn't caring or soothing; he was taking notes.
Eventually, he used everything he learned about her against her. He knew which buttons to press, and he treated what she said in confidence to him as nothing but a game.
It's the same with every other narcissist, too. They do it because they like to know how weak you are, and where those weaknesses live. They like to be able to reach into your best days, and turn them into some of your worst, simply by knowing what they know about you.
If you were to start reclaiming your life and knowing what your triggers are, you give yourself the huge advantage here. You teach yourself to stand up for those moments you feel uneasy, and you show the narcissist that their weapons won't cause them to win these battles.
3Tell someone else what is going on
See also9 Brutal Truths About Leaving a Narcissist
This one is a fast worker, believe me.
Narcissists love privacy. One client I had hit the nail on the head when she said:
"My narcissistic father always used to tell us that what goes on in the house, stays in the house, and that we aren't to mess with the family image."
The same goes for people who are romantically involved with narcissists; they don't want their abuse being leaked out into the public. Those closed doors are there for a reason, and they hold in everything toxic that happens.
You stay quiet, the narcissist gets what they want.
The moment someone outside of that dynamic catches on is the moment the entire dynamic spins on its axis.
There doesn't need to be a special broadcast by you. There needs to be no drama in any of this, just one person you trust whom you confide in.
If one person knows, the narcissist's game is already as good as over.
They won't mess with you now.
4Refuse to explain yourself any longer
Whenever you overexplain yourself, or try to justify even the most innocent of things, you're handing the narcissist power. You're saying, "Here's what you can argue back with if you like."
Of course they like.
They want to see how weak your words are, so they can toss them about and unravel your reasons even more.
There's a difference between, "I can't go, I have plans," and, "I can't go because I told Rose I'd help her move her things out, and I can't cancel because she's so stressed at the moment and she really needs a friend."
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Woah there. Hold your horses and wind in those reasons.
Short answers have no way of the narcissist being able to grip them, but the longer ones? You're literally handing them ammunition to use against you.
Of course, the narcissist will want more information, but that doesn't mean you have to give them.
"They're just plans, like I said."
Nothing else is needed, and the narcissist will see your boundaries and will know it's impossible for them to jump over them, or push them aside.
Their discomfort over your answer is not your problem.
Read that last line again.
5Know the point you are going to walk away, and keep it
Mean what you say, say what you mean.
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"If you do that again, I will leave this conversation."
"I will not be spoken to that way, so understand that next time you speak in that tone, I will leave the room."
The narcissist will push you because they want to know if you follow through with your words, and when you don't, you prove to them that your words have no weight behind them.
Know when you've had enough, and keep to that.
If they fear you after that, that's their issue, not yours.
