Family life! You just can't beat it, can you? The little unit you create with somebody else, and all the memories you make together; it really is priceless.
But wait. Who wants to start a family with you? Do you really know them?
If you're dealing with a narcissist, the last thing you will want to do is tie yourself up with them for life.
Yes, they want to start a family, and here are 4 chilling reasons why.
#1 The audience that never leaves the venue
Ah, the good old family. When all else fails, and nobody else is around, all narcissists can guarantee their family to be the audience for each temper, rage, admission, brag, yell, attack, accusation and moment of potential conflict.
Family units aren't supposed to be perfect, but they are supposed to love and support, encourage and inspire.
Those are four words the narcissists will have heard of and claim to do, but will lack the ability in all ways.
There's nothing loving about them, but they will want their family to love and admire them all the same.
You will become the audience that never leaves the venue, and you didn't even realize you bought tickets.
There is a show the narcissist puts on from the moment they wake, until the time they eventually go to bed.
It's not the type of show just anybody can see, because families are all about locking in to the reality of narcissists; the people behind the mask.
You'll see the person who doesn't just perform, but who also hangs up their costume and transforms into someone much darker, much more critical, and far more sinister.
If the narcissist doesn't have that to go home to, and to live with, it means they're alone.
The idea of a family attracts them greatly, but not because they want that unit I spoke about.
It's because they need people around them at all times, and a family ticks that box.
#2 They want to control the family image
Beyond just being a family lies the family image. I know you probably don't think much about that because in your mind, you're too focused just wanting to be happy, rather than portraying it to the outside world.
It's a big thing for the narcissist though, and one perfect reason why they want a family.
This has nothing to do with love, and everything to do with control.
If you are part of a family dynamic that includes a narcissist, how many times can you remember their moods dictating the atmosphere?
How many times can you remember all the reasons the narcissist made you cry?
Then I want you to think about how often you heard:
What goes on in this house, stays in this house. We have a family image to uphold. People are jealous of us because we are the perfect family. Others wish they could be us as we're all so close. We're always there for each other. People have to see that we are solid.
This obsession with making everybody else think the family is perfect isn't because you are perfect, but rather because it aligns with their obsession with overall perfection.
Narcissists want to be the envy of all, and that always starts with home life.
They raised you right. You have the perfect house. You all look so well. You're all so educated. Maybe you're following in the family business. You're so polite. You'd never speak ill of your family members, including the narcissist.
All starting to become clear? And who is head of the house? Who can brag that they're responsible for such a strong, loving unit?
The narcissist!
And trust me, they will say anything to get that kind of recognition.
This was never about love; it's about wanting to portray perfection, and stopping at nothing to make that happen.
Think about it. If you don't fit that family image, or if you question it or 'betray' it, you're discarded. That's not love.
#3 To control the people within that image
You will do this for me. You will be my Golden Child. You will be the Scapegoat. You will do as I say. You will NOT answer me back. You will go to college and get your diploma and stop dreaming. You can be my main source of supply. While you're living under MY roof…
There it all is; as plain as day for all of you. And I know some of those comments have the strong ability to trigger you, but I want you to see the complexity for how common it is.
The family image comes wrapped up in a neat little bow, and the narcissist loves to know they've got it to hand.
The individual people that make it up, that's where their 'fun' really begins.
Everybody has a place. Everybody fits some kind of mold. Each person will answer to a controlling aspect of the narcissist, and that's what's going to keep them wanting that family life.
When you learn that you're treated like a chess piece instead of a person, you'll soon come to realize that this was never about love, and everything to do with unrealistic expectations.
#4 Having a family means protection from who they really are
The saddest of all:
The narcissist wants a family to use as a shield from the toxic person they really are.
Family members are used to display traits of the narcissist's character that don't even exist.
I'm kind! I'm caring! I am a person who values family and connections! People love me! People respect me! I can hide behind my family and pretend I'm a nice person! My family helps me keep my mask from falling!
Spare me any more absolute lies, they all sound ridiculous to me, but that's because I am so familiar with narcissists.
Narcissists are secretly terrified, you know. They cannot be silent and alone, and they most importantly cannot stand who they truly are.
If they're a part of a family, none of that will get a chance to happen, because they've got too much to be getting on with.
They will always have somebody to moan or talk to. There's definitely always somebody to blame.
If you've lived in this type of family, you'll know what it's like to feel part of something where your only purpose is your use.
Everything you've poured into that family dynamic, from love to time and support, will go unnoticed. It never got a chance to land anywhere because it never came above the ego of the narcissist in question.
You were never loved, even if the narcissist tells you that you were.
You were part of a family where silence meant everything was fine.
You were programmed to not speak up about unfairness, unkindness, or cruelty. If you did, you were ousted.
There is no real love between a narcissist and their abuser. The only love comes via the victim, and that mostly transpires to hope if you think about it.
If you know, you know.
