Social media is fun! We all use it personally, and some (hi!), also use it professionally. If you didn't know this about narcissists, then get ready, because they work on a whole different playing field.
And honestly? When they're alone, with no audience in the room to perform for, the phone becomes their stage. The scrolling, posting, lurking, it all ramps up. Sound familiar?
Social media for the narcissist, is one of the world's best inventions that has turned into an essential part of their lives. When they're alone, they get up so much online, and that's where we are going today. Here is what narcissists do on social media when they're alone.
1. They Give Their Profiles Regular Audits
The newsfeed of a narcissist is like Christmas morning, and when they're alone, that's when they spend potentially hours scrolling through their business that they've shared. They do it with the kind of eyes that they imagine would glance over their profile for the first time.
How does my feed look? Does the sequence make sense? Do the captions make sense? Do the photos flatter? Everything has to look perfect, and if they are underperforming, they will rearrange the photos to make sure it gets more exposure.
I had a client show me her ex's Instagram once. He had reordered the same nine photos four times in a week. Four times! Who has that kind of time?
The bio is constantly updated, and the pinned posts shift. This isn't a business account, where those things might be understandable. This is a narcissist's private life, trying to come across perfectly. Monitor. Curate. Improve. Obsess over.
2. Specific People Are Watched Like A Hawk
This goes far beyond casual browsing, but in their spare time, a narcissist will have people on their list of people they follow who they check in with whenever they get a chance.
These people are usually in some way connected to the narcissist; maybe an ex who betrayed them, or their ex's new partner. It could be someone they work with who they are secretly jealous of.
I had a client describe it perfectly. She said, "He knew my sister had a new job before I did, and he hadn't spoken to her in two years." Creepy, right?
Every night, those people are clicked on, and any latest news, photos, check-ins are dually noted. What for? Nothing but a twisted private ritual of the narcissist, who is only satisfied when they are up to date with everybody's lives. And even then, they aren't even satisfied.
3. Fake Accounts Are Created And Used To Lurk
Oh my God, does a narcissist love a fake account? Is the forest made of trees?! Come on, this is exactly what narcissists do, and they go as far as to create fake email addresses to use in order to set the accounts up, too.
If they can spy on other people without getting caught, it's going to be a no brainer for them.
I had a client find three fake accounts following her, all with stock photos and zero posts. Same suspicious activity, same timing. Guess who? Her ex. Of course.
They get to both monitor and have a clear name, which in their eyes, is perfect. You'll never see them admit to this, but rather they'll continue to use fake profiles for as long as they can get away with, maybe even forever! It just goes to show, right?
You never really know these people, even if you think you do.
4. They Practice Their Captions Until It's Just Right
By right, I do not mean right for the world. This is specifically about the narcissist, and the narcissist only. Whatever they want to post, it has to feel like they're dealing with it in the right way.
Time spent alone means time able to craft what they want to convey. They think of the angle, the hook, the perfect photo to upload with said caption.
I had a client show me her ex's drafts folder once. Forty seven versions of one caption about 'healing'. Forty seven! And he picked the one that mentioned her without naming her.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseDoes it need a certain tone? How can they make it all tie together perfectly? What reaction do they want from their followers? Maybe it needs that perfect song!
Nothing slips past the narcissist, in fact, being alone is the perfect time to bring this all together just so they can portray that perfect post and put it out there.
5. They Reach Out To People From Their Past
It's late, the sun has set, and the narcissist is just getting comfy on the couch. Their phone is in hand; what are they going to do this time?
Well, seeing as nobody is there to monitor them, the narcissist will use that opportunity to reach out to people from their past. Don't be surprised if it's the ex they haven't spoken to in several years, or a person they would once consider to be a close friend.
Maybe they ghosted someone, and want to reach back out; this is the perfect chance to do so!
And here's the kicker. Three people get the exact same message that night. Maybe four. They're not reconnecting, they're casting a net and seeing who bites first.
And it will always be the lowest of efforts:
Hey. How are you doing? I saw this and thought of you. Their phone is their safety, after all, the worst that could happen is no reply, and the narcissist can block.
It's never sincere, it's just a hunt for some supply, and it's something the narcissist will never share with anybody else.
6. They Have The Audacity To Search For Their Own Name
If you've done this before, it's likely because you were humorously intrigued as to what might come up in the search results. A narcissist searches for their own name to get into the finer details of why. What are they tagged in? Where are they mentioned?
I had a client once who borrowed her ex's laptop and found his own name typed into the search bar fourteen times that week. Fourteen! Can you imagine?
Has something they've said or done even gone slightly viral? A narcissist will search for themselves on a weekly basis, maybe even more frequently. They want to know, want to look, want to judge, and the apps they find will never really get shut down.
It's weird, and I don't suppose you'd ever have them down to be this obsessed with themselves, but with narcissists, there's no limit on what they do for their own gain!
7. They Curate Social Proof Of Their 'Authenticity'
Narcissists love to use their alone time to craft a really authentic social media presence. They love to like those first few comments and interact, but none of it is genuine.
They want to attract certain people to their online lives rather than just live it the way they really want to, and so much of their feed is made up of trying to impress people, but to those who really know the narcissist, they know that this is nothing but a game to play in order to just be liked more.
Narcissists love to make it look as though they have a life that is fuller than others may have assumed.
I had a client message me at 1am once saying her ex had been online liking his own old photos from a burner account. Lonely behavior, isn't it?
They long to be envied, but to them, social media is just a virtual stage they want to set up camp on, and stay there for as long as they can.
They really love to curate this when they are alone, so that nobody is hovering over their shoulders judging them for trying to compile the perfect image. That's why they wait until nobody else is around. Cringe? Just a little bit!
8. Quietly Behind The Scenes, They Crash
Inevitably, the crash will happen. Everything the narcissist has seen online has become too much; they don't know how to pick themselves out of that rabbit hole.
They realize their profile isn't popular any more, or that people are too busy to interact with them, and that pain hits directly into their ego.
A client told me she once walked in on her ex just staring at his phone, face like thunder, because a post got 12 likes instead of 200. Pathetic, right?
The phone falls to the floor, and they fall back into their couch and firmly sulk. Doing this in front of anybody else would be embarrassing, so making sure the narcissist is alone is key. Sad, yet so true.
9. They Screenshot Everything (Yes, Everything)
I'm talking screenshots of your stories. Screenshots of your posts. Screenshots of comments your friends left under your photos. Screenshots of that one mutual friend who liked your selfie a little too enthusiastically.
Why? Because they're building a file. A weird, private little archive of you that they can use later.
Maybe to send to their flying monkeys with a, "Look at her now, can you believe this?"
Maybe to keep for themselves and pour over at 2am when they're feeling especially small.
Maybe to throw back in your face one day, twisted into something it never was. "You posted this on the 14th, and you said you were busy that night."
Creepy, isn't it?
And here's the thing, they'll deny it forever. They'll act like they barely look at your profile. But that folder on their phone? It tells a different story entirely.
People who are doing fine don't need a photo album of their ex's Tuesday brunch.
Just saying.
See also 8 Ways To Ruin A Narcissist's Life Without Breaking A Sweat10. They Rehearse Their Reactions Before You Even Post
You know that little pause before they comment on your post? That's not them thinking. That's them performing.
Narcissists have already imagined what you're going to share. They've pictured the holiday photo, the new haircut, the work announcement, the night out with friends they don't approve of. And they've already decided how they're going to react when it lands.
The cool indifference. The fake supportive comment with a hidden barb. The deliberate silence that they hope you'll notice. None of it is spontaneous. It's rehearsed.
I had a client tell me, "He commented 'looks fun' on my photo within two minutes. Two minutes! Like he was waiting." He was. They sit there refreshing, scripting the version of themselves they want you to see.
And here's the bit that gets me. They'll practice being unbothered so hard that the effort itself gives them away. Truly unbothered people don't comment in two minutes. They don't comment at all. They're off living their lives.
The narcissist? They're at home, rehearsing.
