A narcissist will walk around and act untouchable for as long as they can get away with doing so. They perform confidence like it's nothing to them, but underneath there's a lot of chaos going on…
…Chaos that I want to talk about right now. When they eventually do fall apart, they won't need your help in that. All by themselves, every time, they'll land in a pile of mud, and that's down to these 11 ways.
Self-sabotage is no joke, but when it comes to narcissists, it will always be their eventual downfall.
I had a client tell me once, "He didn't need me to ruin him. He was already halfway there on his own." She was right, wasn't she?
1 "Did I read that correctly?!"
You did. I know what you might be thinking here, too. You think, "How can someone who wants to always be so perfect do things to themselves that actually contradict that perfection?"
The answer in short is that narcissists don't realize they're self-sabotaging, and that's the key point to remember in all of this. They're so self-consumed they don't understand what it means to slip up, or stop to check if the game they're playing is even still working efficiently.
They don't notice what they're too busy to look at. There is a slowness to the way any narcissist sabotages themselves, but I want you to know it still exists, and it's always done by them one hundred per cent.
And that's what's wild about it. They built the trap, they laid the bait, they walked into it themselves. And still, somehow, it'll be your fault.
2 They lie to the point where it becomes ridiculous
The lies might seem so smooth at first, but eventually, like every lie, they always find a way to catch up with the person telling it. As far as narcissists are concerned, those lies are addictive and frequent.
They can't go a day without telling someone something that isn't true, and this is a level of dishonesty that will never remain seamless. You believed them once, so they must have started off well.
The longer you get to know any narcissist, the worse they will get at being able to keep up with what they tell everyone, including you. It's impossible to keep track of them all, which is where they slip up, get caught out, and make a fool of themselves.
One week they told you they hated seafood, the next they're raving about the sushi place they went to on Friday. With who, exactly? Suddenly they can't remember.
It's better to just be honest, right?
3 Anyone who cared is pushed far away
One by one, the narcissist will push away anybody who cares. They do this in the way they constantly criticize and mock. They drive them away and it's no shock that this can even include family and close friends.
This isn't about yelling, this is the everyday mean ways a narcissist treats their victims, and it's unfair. They act like they don't need anybody, but in truth, of course they do.
You'll hear them say, "I don't need anyone, I'm fine on my own," while quietly seething that the phone stopped ringing weeks ago.
Believe it or not, those people who are pushed away are done so to the point where they rarely want to return.
4 They overuse charm to the point where it becomes redundant
Narcissists are a little sloppy in the sense that they get so comfortable being charming that they don't see when they've gone too far. This happens once too often, with one too many people, and yes, it totally ruins the dynamics, and the narcissist's plan.
It's the kind of manipulation that doesn't work any more, and as soon as that's the case, people slowly pull away. They realize the lights, camera, action vibe of the narcissist was actually that, a performance, and it can be a huge turn off.
Instead of seeing the error of their ways, the narcissist usually pushes even more, wanting to try harder to get people to like them, after all, they're all about validation in a world where they're so insecure.
See also 5 Creepy Things Every Narcissist Hides Somewhere in Their HouseYou can almost see it happening in real time. The compliments get bigger, the stories get taller, and everybody in the room quietly clocks that something is off.
All they end up with, is more egg on their faces.
5 Ego takes over every decision
This I feel is a pretty good one to spot, and it's always going to be around the subject of the ego. A narcissist's ego is so big, you honestly won't believe how fragile it also is.
Any logic therefore, can just go right out the window and that looks like:
Turning down help because any acceptance of it will make them look weak. They will complain if someone else gets credit for something they had no part in. They want to start an argument with someone they know they will never win against. Why do they do it?
Because their ego talks them into it and convinces them to believe that they're going to gain something from it. Cue all the bad decisions that build up something until it all collapses and makes them look foolish.
And they never see it coming. Their ego whispers, "You've got this, they're beneath you," right up until the moment everyone in the room is staring.
6 The mask comes off in public bit by bit
Oh, this one really bites for the narcissist. They love their mask. They made it and it took so long to get just right. The problem is, it can slip off eventually. I mean, what mask wouldn't, right?
That's why it's always wise to be nothing but yourself in a world that is constantly asking something of you. The rage will eventually spill out, and it will be where they least expect it.
Someone will be present who won't forget that side of the narcissist, which is the most interesting part. A split second, that's all it takes.
One eye roll at the wrong dinner, one snapped, "Are you serious right now?" in front of a coworker, and suddenly people are exchanging looks. The story shifts.
Game and reputation over.
7 There aren't any people left to fool
Look around, narcissist. Who have you got to fool once again? Nobody. That's because all your supply has dried up, and you've nowhere to turn. Narcissists love fresh supply, so when they meet new people who haven't learned their rehearsed story, that's when they love life.
Fast forward to literally no new people entering their life, and they run into the issue of people figuring them out for who they really are.
The bartender knows. The neighbor knows. That woman at the school gate gives them a look now. Word travels, and small towns have long memories.
That's why they're always wanting to up sticks and move around!
8 They snap at those who have been faithful to them
That's what all narcissists end up doing, and it will hurt all those who have spent years trying to stay loyal, patient and on the side of the narcissist. These are people who've dug deep to do their best to please them, to no avail.
The narcissist will snap at people who genuinely care about them, not worrying for a moment the damage it causes. They think every rage and accusation is justified, while they wear their victims down into the ground.
One woman told me her husband screamed, "After everything I've done for you?" the second she asked why he'd forgotten her birthday. Three years running.
Those are victims who want the relationship to work, who want to get along with the narcissist. All the narcissist ends up doing is pushing everyone who cares away, leaving them ultimately alone and bitter. I'd call that a pretty strong contender for self-sabotage, wouldn't you?
9 They repeat the same sob stories
The problem with repeating the same old sob stories that grow old and tired is that the narcissist has nothing new to offer people. What I mean by that is, a narcissist becomes their worst enemy when they complain about the same things without ever changing or making improvements.
People do get fed up, and understandably so. It's never going to work in the narcissist's favor if they're constantly trying to be someone who wants sympathy, but never playing a new record for people.
I knew someone for over twenty years who would tell me why he hated his job so much, and I thought, why don't you just change it? This was, of course, the tip of the iceberg with him, but he wanted my sympathy for something he was unwilling to shift.
After a while you stop offering sympathy, don't you? Because you realise the story isn't a cry for help. It's a hook. And you're the fish.
10 They Burn Bridges They'll Later Need to Cross
Narcissists have this arrogant habit of torching relationships without a second thought. The boss who gave them a shot? Told them where to shove it. The friend who lent them money during a rough patch? Ghosted the moment they got back on their feet. The sibling who took them in?
Called a loser behind their back at family dinners.
Then life does what life does. They need a reference, a favour, a place to stay, a character witness, someone to vouch for them when things go sideways.
And there's nobody left.
I remember a woman telling me her ex tried to come crawling back to her family after two years of trashing them to anyone who would listen. He genuinely could not compute why the door stayed shut. In his head, he'd done nothing wrong.
In reality, he'd spent years setting fire to every single person who might have helped him.
Bridges take years to build. Narcissists burn them in an afternoon and then act shocked when the river is too wide to cross.
See also 8 Creepy Bedtime Habits That Only a Narcissist Would Have
11 Money? Gone. Reputation? Also Gone.
There's a special kind of self destruction that happens when a narcissist has been playing the long game and it all catches up at once. The money runs out because they've been spending to impress, or they've alienated the people who bailed them out before. And the reputation?
That took years to build, and about ten minutes to shred once people started comparing notes.
I had a client tell me her ex used to brag about being "the guy everyone comes to." A year after she left, she bumped into an old mutual friend who said, "Yeah, nobody really talks to him anymore. He owes half of us money."
That's how it goes. They spend big to look big. They lie big to sound big. And then one day the credit cards max out, the friends stop picking up, and the boss quietly stops inviting them to meetings.
They did that. Every single bit of it. And somehow, in their head, it'll still be somebody else's fault.
