If you want to take back even a sliver of control from a narcissist, boundaries are the thing. The whole thing.
I’ve watched clients transform their entire lives just by sticking to a few simple ones, and I’ve also watched the narcissists in their lives absolutely lose their minds over it.
And here’s the good news, boundaries don’t have to be these big, dramatic, sit down conversations. They can be tiny. Quiet. Almost boring. The only thing that matters? Consistency.
Sound doable? I hope so, because I’m about to walk you through 11 of them. Let’s go.
1. The Mighty Little "No"
No. Two letters. One syllable. The smallest word in the boundary toolbox, and yet, for so many of you, it feels like trying to lift a car with your pinky finger.
I get it. Truly. You’ve spent your whole life being conditioned to say yes. Yes to keep the peace. Yes to avoid the sulk.
Yes because saying no came with a price tag you couldn’t afford, whether that was silent treatment, a tantrum, or weeks of being punished in subtle little ways.
Yes became your default setting. Yes became the toll you paid just to exist around them. "Can you do this?" Yes. "Can you be there?" Yes. "Can you drop what you’re doing and tend to me?" Yes, yes, and yes again.
And you kept hoping, didn’t you? Hoping that one day all those yeses would finally add up to being appreciated. Loved, even.
Let me save you the wait. They won't.
Narcissists don’t reward compliance, they exploit it. The more you give, the more they take. The only way to stop being used is to start using that two-letter word.
Will they lose their minds the first time you say it? Oh, absolutely. They’ll act like you slapped them. Let them. That reaction is the proof the boundary is working.
2. "Yes" To You, For Once
Now, hold on, didn’t I just tell you to say no?
Yes. And now I’m telling you to say yes. Stay with me.
Because there are yeses you’ve been swallowing for years. Yeses that have nothing to do with them, and everything to do with you finally choosing yourself.
Yes, I’ll have that early night instead of staying up arguing with you about something that doesn’t even matter.
Yes, I’ll take that long bath while my phone rings off the hook.
Yes, I’ll go to that job interview, even though you’ve told me a hundred times I’d never get it.
Yes, I’ll see my friend for coffee. Yes, I’ll buy myself the thing. Yes, I’ll rest.
Do you see what I mean? These yeses are tiny, but they’re yours. And every single one of them lands like a small earthquake under the narcissist's feet.
3. "I'm Done Playing"
There's a moment, and you'll know it when it arrives, where you just decide you're not doing this anymore. The bickering, the rehashing, the going round in circles at midnight over something that happened three weeks ago. Done.
Narcissists thrive on you being hooked in. They want you snappy, defensive, crying, explaining yourself for the hundredth time. Why? Because as long as your mood is dictated by theirs, they're winning.
So when you stop biting, when they push the button and nothing happens, watch what they do. They'll push harder. They'll get nastier. They'll say something specifically designed to drag you back in.
And you just... don't go.
That's the boundary. Quiet, unshakeable, no announcement needed. You've drawn a line, and unlike every other line you've drawn before, this one isn't moving.
4. They Can Wait
Quick show of hands. Who drops everything the second the narcissist calls or texts? You're mid dinner, mid meeting, mid conversation with a friend, and suddenly your phone buzzes and you're frantically replying like the building is on fire.
Stop.
They can wait. They are grown adults, not toddlers in a supermarket aisle. The world does not stop turning because they had a thought they wanted to share with you at 2pm on a Tuesday.
Reply when it suits you. Call back when you're ready. "Sorry, I was busy" is a complete sentence, and you don't owe a paragraph explaining what "busy" looked like.
The first few times you do this, your stomach will flip. Do it anyway. Your nervous system will thank you.
5. Shout And I'm Out
And while we're on the subject of not jumping when they snap, why on earth would you keep talking to someone who has no interest in actually hearing you? You wouldn't. And you shouldn't.
Shouting is a power play, pure and simple. The narcissist's logic goes something like, "My voice is the loudest in the room, so my voice wins."
Rubbish, isn't it?
So you set the boundary. Calmly. "If you shout at me, I'm leaving the conversation." And then you actually do it. You walk away mid sentence if you have to. No big speech, no slammed door, just gone.
What happens? The bait dangles in the air with nobody to bite it. The script they wrote for this fight falls apart, because you're not playing the screaming match part anymore.
And suddenly the power they thought was theirs? Yours. They hate that.
6. Hands Off My Stuff
Your things are exactly that. Yours. Nobody gets to rummage through them, borrow them without asking, "tidy them away" (read: hide them), or mysteriously break them and shrug like it just happened.
Narcissists are notorious for this, aren't they? The drawer that's been gone through. The jacket that's suddenly missing. The phone they "just wanted to check something on."
It comes down to entitlement. They genuinely believe what's yours is theirs by default, because in their head, you're an extension of them. So when you say, "Please don't touch my stuff," you're snapping that little fantasy in half.
And honestly? If they kick off about a boundary that basic, that tells you everything. They can sulk all they like.
7. The Names Stop Now
Narcissists slip names into conversation like it's nothing. "Idiot." "Crazy." "Sensitive little thing." "Drama queen." It happens so often that after a while, you stop hearing it as an insult. It just becomes the soundtrack of your day.
But ask yourself this. What have you been called over the last year? Write it down if you have to. Look at that list. Would you call anyone you loved those names? No. So why is it okay for you to be on the receiving end?
Name calling is not love. It never was. There was a time in your life, before this person, where nobody slapped a label on you every other day, and that's the version of your life you want back.
So the boundary is simple. The names stop now. Full stop. No more nicknames dressed up as affection.
8. "I See What You're Doing"
Saying this little sentence out loud does two jobs at once. It puts a line down, and it tells the narcissist you’re not asleep at the wheel anymore. You’ve noticed.
All those tiny digs, the “jokes,” the eye rolls when you speak, the way they suddenly bring up that embarrassing story in front of your friends. You’ve clocked every single one of them.
So you say it. Calmly. "I see what you’re doing, and it’s not going to land anymore."
What happens next? Denial. Projection. "What are you talking about? You're paranoid. You always twist things." Classic, isn't it?
Let them spin. The point isn’t to win the argument, it’s to let them know the game has been seen.
9. Your Bank Details Are Yours Alone
Oh, this one is huge. Your bank details? They’re basically a backstage pass to your entire life. What you earn, what you spend, what you save, what you owe. The narcissist would love nothing more than to scroll through and build a little file on you.
And why? Control, of course. If they know what you’ve got, they know how to use it against you. "Oh, you can afford that, but you couldn’t pay for my…" You can hear it already, can’t you?
So keep it locked down. Change your passwords. Update your logins. Don’t share that PIN with anyone, no matter how casually they ask. "What’s the harm?" they’ll say. The harm is everything. Your money is yours. Your information is yours. Full stop.
10. You Come First Now
For too long, you’ve been at the bottom of your own list. How did that happen? Slowly. Quietly.
Drip by drip, you were taught that your needs were inconvenient, your tiredness was selfish, your wants were “too much.” So you funnelled everything into making them feel important, and what was left for you? Crumbs.
That stops now. You come first. Your sleep, your food, your appointments, your peace of mind, your time. And this isn’t a soft boundary they can chip away at with a sad face or a guilt trip. This one is locked in.
Watch them squirm.
11. Know Your Way Out
This one is a little different from the others, more personal to you, but I wanted to save it for last because it matters.
Know your way out. I mean it. Have an actual plan, not a fantasy of leaving one day when things get really bad.
Because here's the thing, if you don't have an exit, you'll get pulled right back in. That's just how this works. They'll say the right thing at the right moment, and there you are, unpacking your bag again.
So plan it properly. A little emergency money tucked away somewhere they can't reach. A friend or family member who knows the score. Important documents in one place. A spare set of keys.
When you hit your limit, and you'll know when, you go. And here's the kicker, your leaving drives them absolutely crazy. But only if you stay gone.
